NOCELLPHONE Where are YOU??
Keep On Keepin' On....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Alberta
Posts: 41
NOCELLPHONE Where are YOU??
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I just found out from Kurt that his ex is supposed to come over tonight for supper and then leave with Gabe for the weekend. I do not relish the idea of having her in the house at all, let alone for supper. So, I told him that she could come in to get her son, but that's it. He was fine with it, and told her. She about had a fit, yelling and screaming about how "We should all get along as a family." I am NOT this woman's family...thanks but no thanks. I am really happy that Kurt stood up for me this time though, and told her no anyways. Usually when she throws a fit, he'll give in to her...so I was really glad he didn't. Still...this thing is going to be in my house picking up my step son...he always comes back from her place so messed up and sad. It's just heartbreaking!! Today, I have to concentrate on serenity...NOCELLPHONE where are you???
Michelle
Michelle
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Who am I? Scooby-Doo?!? 
I'm right here, Michelle. Breathe...
Inhale... Exhale...
Repeat.
Better?
It sounds like you guys set some healthy boundaries with Kurt's ex, and she didn't like it. I've had plenty of experiences setting healthy boundaries with sick people, and their reactions can get pretty ugly. That doesn't mean I did anything wrong. It actually means I did something right...
I'd rather face the anger caused by a healthy boundary than have to face the consequences of not setting a boundary when I know I should. When I choose to give up my boundaries, toxins get in and I get sick. Even worse, my self-esteem takes a huge hit 'cos I've turned my back on myself... again.
I honor you for having the courage to stand up for yourself and do the healthy thing. I also honor you for not giving in to the temptation to get high over this (or anything). You know as well as anyone that anesthetizing the feelings doesn't make 'em go away, it just defers 'em for a while. And when they come back, they do so with a vengeance!
If you ever need me, just PM me!
Now remember: Breathe...................
I'm right here, Michelle. Breathe...
Inhale... Exhale...
Repeat.
Better?
It sounds like you guys set some healthy boundaries with Kurt's ex, and she didn't like it. I've had plenty of experiences setting healthy boundaries with sick people, and their reactions can get pretty ugly. That doesn't mean I did anything wrong. It actually means I did something right...
I'd rather face the anger caused by a healthy boundary than have to face the consequences of not setting a boundary when I know I should. When I choose to give up my boundaries, toxins get in and I get sick. Even worse, my self-esteem takes a huge hit 'cos I've turned my back on myself... again.
I honor you for having the courage to stand up for yourself and do the healthy thing. I also honor you for not giving in to the temptation to get high over this (or anything). You know as well as anyone that anesthetizing the feelings doesn't make 'em go away, it just defers 'em for a while. And when they come back, they do so with a vengeance!
If you ever need me, just PM me!
Now remember: Breathe...................
Keep On Keepin' On....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Alberta
Posts: 41
It's so good to hear from you, nocell...I don't know why but you always seem to just comfort and calm me. Thank you for what you have said, and it's so true that there are consequences to not setting boundries. I know that I have, in the past, allowed her to come in and have supper with us, or even stay for the better part of the afternoon. Inevitably, I would use to get through it, use afterwards to punish Kurt, and fume the entire time punishing only me on all levels.
Today, I am feel freedom for the first time...and I feel like I have a voice again. Kurt listened to me and did change the arrangements based upon my feelings. That felt really good, especially when he didn't back down even though she was screaming at him. She is due here in just a few minutes, and I'm saying the serenity prayer so many times I think God Himself is requesting my silence!
Thank you for being here, NOCELL...just reading your post before she gets here was so comforting...you have such a wonderfully calm spirit, and a wise soul. It shines through in your words, and I thank the angels for putting you in my life...for you have reminded me to listen to my inner spirit and allow the simplicity of life to shine through. That is a gift greater than any I've ever received. And though these words hardly do justice to my emotion and feelings ... thank you. Thank you so much. For every post and all your words that have helped me find courage. Once you told me that I could never know how much my story and honesty might help others. That post encouraged me to keep posting, and keep talking...and that likely saved my life. Again...though it will never do it justice...thank you, thank you so so much.
Michelle.
Today, I am feel freedom for the first time...and I feel like I have a voice again. Kurt listened to me and did change the arrangements based upon my feelings. That felt really good, especially when he didn't back down even though she was screaming at him. She is due here in just a few minutes, and I'm saying the serenity prayer so many times I think God Himself is requesting my silence!
Thank you for being here, NOCELL...just reading your post before she gets here was so comforting...you have such a wonderfully calm spirit, and a wise soul. It shines through in your words, and I thank the angels for putting you in my life...for you have reminded me to listen to my inner spirit and allow the simplicity of life to shine through. That is a gift greater than any I've ever received. And though these words hardly do justice to my emotion and feelings ... thank you. Thank you so much. For every post and all your words that have helped me find courage. Once you told me that I could never know how much my story and honesty might help others. That post encouraged me to keep posting, and keep talking...and that likely saved my life. Again...though it will never do it justice...thank you, thank you so so much.
Michelle.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Michelle, I hardly know what to say other than to tell you that I am humbled by your kind words and I thank you for what you've said...
I hear time and again that it's a "We" program, not an "I" program, and I agree. After all, what's that first word in the 12 Steps...?
This is how recovery works: one hand reaches out to the next, and then that hand reaches out to the next, and so on, until all the shipwreck survivors are in the lifeboat...
If my sharing has touched you, then I've done what the Steps have taught me to do, which is to do my best to be an agent of a Higher Power. I believe that Power flows through us all, connecting us on a spiritual level and doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
I have been, and continue to be, touched by your honesty and integrity as you struggle to do the single hardest thing an addict can do---stay clean a day at a time.
I am blessed to have met you on my path!
I hear time and again that it's a "We" program, not an "I" program, and I agree. After all, what's that first word in the 12 Steps...?
This is how recovery works: one hand reaches out to the next, and then that hand reaches out to the next, and so on, until all the shipwreck survivors are in the lifeboat...
If my sharing has touched you, then I've done what the Steps have taught me to do, which is to do my best to be an agent of a Higher Power. I believe that Power flows through us all, connecting us on a spiritual level and doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
I have been, and continue to be, touched by your honesty and integrity as you struggle to do the single hardest thing an addict can do---stay clean a day at a time.
I am blessed to have met you on my path!
Keep On Keepin' On....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Alberta
Posts: 41
I opted last night to stay upstairs and pray while she was downstairs picking up my stepson...namely because it was the way to keep peace. Everytime I see her, I feel the need to say something to insult or pick at her, and really...given she is the mother of our youngest...it's not healthy...and it's not simple. Peace is simple. Understanding is simple. Viciousness is not.
So I did the simple thing...even though it was not the easiest...and I let Kurt deal with her (which required that I let go of some jealousy feelings I still had about allowing Kurt to deal with her) and I prayed in my head, and played computer games with my little girl on the outside. And then I found out that really...it was the easiest. She was in and gone in under two minutes, because there was no one with which to "dramatize" with.
My lesson? Simplicity in it's true form is simple...and to make my life simple, all I have to do is follow this path of simplicity. The 12 Steps are a program of simplicity...and I took another page from you, nocell...and I used that time before she came to the house to answer posts by other alcoholics/addicts here...and offer my experience strength and hope. That got me out of me and for the first time, I didn't overthink her coming because I was busy offering to hand of AA to the addict/alkie that still suffers. This program is so simple...and we make it so complex. As you say cell, "Recovery is not a mysterious process. The only mystery is why it took some of us so long to get here...and why some of us choose not to stay."
Thank NoCell...you are such a bright light in my recovery. You have touched my heart and my soul...and today, you have taught me tools to keep me sober.
Thank you for helping to pull me into the lifeboat!
Michelle.
So I did the simple thing...even though it was not the easiest...and I let Kurt deal with her (which required that I let go of some jealousy feelings I still had about allowing Kurt to deal with her) and I prayed in my head, and played computer games with my little girl on the outside. And then I found out that really...it was the easiest. She was in and gone in under two minutes, because there was no one with which to "dramatize" with.
My lesson? Simplicity in it's true form is simple...and to make my life simple, all I have to do is follow this path of simplicity. The 12 Steps are a program of simplicity...and I took another page from you, nocell...and I used that time before she came to the house to answer posts by other alcoholics/addicts here...and offer my experience strength and hope. That got me out of me and for the first time, I didn't overthink her coming because I was busy offering to hand of AA to the addict/alkie that still suffers. This program is so simple...and we make it so complex. As you say cell, "Recovery is not a mysterious process. The only mystery is why it took some of us so long to get here...and why some of us choose not to stay."
Thank NoCell...you are such a bright light in my recovery. You have touched my heart and my soul...and today, you have taught me tools to keep me sober.
Thank you for helping to pull me into the lifeboat!
Michelle.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
