Jo S

Can anyone help? I am in a quandry. HERE GOES........ My youngest sister is getting married next weekend which i am really looking forward to, the ceremony is at 5 o'clock followed by the reception and then dinner dancing... it will be a humongous event as my mum and dad (who are paying for the wedding) are like that... no expense spared. NOW.... I quite obviously don't want to miss her wedding HOWEVER BOTH MY MUM and DAD have been bullying me to attend the extra party the night after the initial party... IF YOU SEE what i mean.. i.e 2 dinner dancing black tie parties in AS MANY NIGHTS. I really, really, really don't want to go to the next night, A) because too much of a good thing can fry my brain... DO MY HEAD in, B) I have got my little boys (21 months and 4 months) to look after and don't want to be hung over and over tired.... C) THE WHOLE SENARIO is bringing up lots of ISSUES with me and i don't seem able to sit on them feeling comfortable. I feel desperately insecure about the whole thing and am trying to view it as "I COULD go", NOT i should go". I have a very co-ependent relationship with my Mum and constantly feel i have to "people please" her to keep her from flying of the handle so keeping her sweet has always been the safest option. Any advise guys? Do i go or do i not go to the additional party the night after the wedding party? I just think it would do my head in completely or is it too late?

splendra

It seems like if you do what you feel is best for you then you wll be doing the right thing. Mum doesn't always know what is best. It is never too late to do what is in your best interests. This seems like a great time for you to assert control over your own life...

nocellphone

My general rule is that if I have to think about something that much and still feel uncomfortable about it, I prob'ly shouldn't do it.

My gut usually tells me what the next right thing is; my head gets me in trouble.

HockeyMom

learning to say 'NO' was the BEST thing I ever did for myself!

It's tough, especially when it's close family and friends that are asking you to do something. For me, it's my husband who's an alcoholic/addict. When my husband went on the wagon a couple of years ago, I started saying NO to all invitations to events that would include alcohol consumption. I even refused to go to Christmas dinner at my mom's house because there would be alcohol there. it really wasn't about my husband or his sobriety, I just knew that I would not have a good time. I would be worried, tired and stressed - factors that don't make for good mommy-ing. Being a good mom is my #1 priority.

I have been saying 'NO' regularily for a couple of years now, and believe me, it gets really easy If fact, a few months ago I realized I now needed to start saying 'YES' more often.

Catherine W.

What do you mean by do your head in? Are you talking about a temptation to drink?

Anyway, it seems that if you have a baby at home you need to care for, that should offer a good excuse where the situation could become potentially volatile with your mother. I have to tip-toe around my mother too sometimes and sometimes it is just worth it not to set her off.

You are already going to the one part, right? I would think that should be a good compromise though I don't know your family. If you are worried about drinking, and if they know you have had a problem, can you be honest about it?

The other solution as others suggested is to learn how to say, "No." (again taking power from the fact you are going to the one dinner party already)
or
You could decide to just go to the second party, eat dinner and leave early.

Good luck. Have fun!