court197530

Oh boy those of you out there who have used meth can prob. relate to what's happened to me this a.m. I was getting ready for work and found a baggie I'd hidden from myself at least 2 months ago. I immediatley picked it up. I said to myself..I'll do it, there's just enough to get me going but NOT enough to mess me up really bad, nobody will ever know. I'll just do this little bit and after this no more....I waited. I fought with my conscience(sp?) I told myself give it to your boyfrnd. He's been sober 190 days and would flush it right away. Then I decided I'd flush it myself I didn't have to tell anyone and It would be over and done with. I hid it under my bed and forgot about it until I got to work. Now I know it's @ home and I don't want to do it..&in the same breath I SO badly want to do it. I don't feel bad today, as a matter of fact, I feel quite good. I know if I do it I'll be paranoid that everyone knows(especially my man) and in this tug of war with myself the bad self is tugging really hard...can anyone help me right now?? The road between home and work is awfully short and I'm looking @ a lunch break in 30 min. or so...UGH

FaeryQueen

Court,
Are you in a recovery program? If so call your sponsor. Go to a meeting tonite. I found some pills in a pocket about 30 days into recovery. I was driving and digging in my coat pocket and there they were. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I threw them out the window and then cried my eyes out. I thanked God for giving me the strength to toss them because I knew I couldn't resist on my own. The disease and obsession were too powerful before I worked the steps. Again, I don't know if you are in a recovery program or not, but the 12 steps saved my ass.

shockozulu

Gosh, I thought I was the only one. I found 1 pill yesterday and took it. Luckly I am still on my taper and it didn't screw it up but I am so mad at myself.

I know what caused me to take it (I was out of another rx and needed to get away from that stress). I made big changes to make sure I don't forget to refill my other med on time in the future...and I felt crappy after I took the pill too. That feeling alone taught me a lesson on how much I value getting clean.

manicschematic

Court,



DON'T DO IT! Get some sleep. Message me later, your buddy manicschematic.

P.s. I know you're strong enough.

hopealwayz

Court,

Let us know how you are doing. *Flush it if you haven't already*!!!!! Don't use it because it will only spiral out and cause you to crave more and more....it won't end until you say "no!"
Hugs to you and prayers for you.

court197530

:ilu I am so very glad I found this place and so very thankful for the people who take time out of their difficult situations to simply let one or one thousand strangers know they care. I FLUSHED IT! I almost felt like a little kid who'd just tied their shoes for the first time, like I'd done something so wonderful I wanted to tell everyone about it...I got to come here instead of running over to my neighbors house & looking like a complete fool! You all really helped me find strenght and I send a million thank you's to each and everyone!:hoo Courtney 21 DAYS SOBER

lulu70

((((((((((Courtney))))))))))) That is totally awesome! So glad for you. I STILL worry about finding pot hidded in places around my apartment, and I am almost 18 months sober (tomorrow!!). I did find some pretty early in recovery and luckily felt good enough to toss it down the drain. Later, I found travel shampoo bottle full of vodka. Man oh man, we addicts sure are sick!!!

Hugs--

FaeryQueen

Quote:

I FLUSHED IT!

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nogard

Awesome Courtney, thats inspiring and well done

nogard