Newcomer, married to alcoholic/drug user
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2
Newcomer, married to alcoholic/drug user
Hi There,
I am new here. I am separted from my husband who is an alcoholic and drug user although he denies that one. I have been trying and trying but finally the last straw was when he hurt me in front of my kids. I am trying to educate myself because I have been naive and he has been taking advantage of that. I have no interest in getting back together although he is using all sorts of emotional manipulation to rope me back in. I am just trying to figure out how to share our kids successfully and what to trust he says, and what not to. That is all for now I guess.
I am new here. I am separted from my husband who is an alcoholic and drug user although he denies that one. I have been trying and trying but finally the last straw was when he hurt me in front of my kids. I am trying to educate myself because I have been naive and he has been taking advantage of that. I have no interest in getting back together although he is using all sorts of emotional manipulation to rope me back in. I am just trying to figure out how to share our kids successfully and what to trust he says, and what not to. That is all for now I guess.
Let go and let God
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: illinois
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by spiritwings23
Hi There,
I am new here. I am separted from my husband who is an alcoholic and drug user although he denies that one. I have been trying and trying but finally the last straw was when he hurt me in front of my kids. I am trying to educate myself because I have been naive and he has been taking advantage of that. I have no interest in getting back together although he is using all sorts of emotional manipulation to rope me back in. I am just trying to figure out how to share our kids successfully and what to trust he says, and what not to. That is all for now I guess.
I am new here. I am separted from my husband who is an alcoholic and drug user although he denies that one. I have been trying and trying but finally the last straw was when he hurt me in front of my kids. I am trying to educate myself because I have been naive and he has been taking advantage of that. I have no interest in getting back together although he is using all sorts of emotional manipulation to rope me back in. I am just trying to figure out how to share our kids successfully and what to trust he says, and what not to. That is all for now I guess.
You are in the right place. I have found so much support and help. I too am married to a drug user. My advice, read alot, post alot, go to al-anon/nar-anon meetings, go to online meetings, get "codependant no more", it is a great book. Most of your decisions will have to be made by you and you only. No one else can tell you what you need, what your boundaries are or what is best for you and your kids.
Education is really empowering. It has given me so much confidence.
Listen and learn. You can do alot of that here.
Welcome and we are here for you. We will probably learn something from you too!!!!
Jeff
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Hey, spiritwings!! And welcome to SR! You may want to check out the Nar-Anon board in particular. My first marriage was to an alcoholic/addict and when we finally split, I was so...relieved! There are lots of other women around here who can identify, too. We're glad you're here. Keep comin' back!
Love and hugs,
Eddie (female, in case you were confused)
Love and hugs,
Eddie (female, in case you were confused)
Just A Diva With A Purpose
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 297
Welcome. Any active addict/alcoholic is a high powered car on automatic pilot. For the safety of your children you need to seek counseling from a lawyer or court advocate. Probably supervised visits will be in order. Make use of the chat rooms and other forums of nar-anon, al-anon too. Those folks will have some useful personal experience to share. The more you work on your health and recovery, the better equipped you will be to deal with the active addict. Good for you for drawing a line in the sand--you are no one's punching bag and the kids don't need to grow up believing it's "ok" for anyone to beat on anyone else. We addicts are master manipulators and con artists when we are active in our addiction. Please seek out counseling in your area--they have sliding pay scales based on income. Seek support from your church, friends, family--and don't make any snap decisions or act on a sudden emotion or impulse. Working the 12 steps of recovery create a "complete psychic change", a personality sufficient to recover from our alcoholism (or addiction)--it takes time, and effort. Your responsibility is to the safety of mind and body of your children. And yourself! It takes courage to make a change--you've displayed already that you've got guts! Now--press on, and keep us posted! Blessings, Queenshenique
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Tyler, Texas
Posts: 1,028
HI ! I had the same problem with my ex. i didn't want him taking our son anywhere because i was frightened where my child would wind up being.
I just told the judge the truth and told her there was no way that he would pass a drug test if she was to give him one.
She asked him if he would fail a drug test and he had to say yes in case she went ahead and gave it to him. He has no visitation. It was one of my few victories but it was a big one.
I just told the judge the truth and told her there was no way that he would pass a drug test if she was to give him one.
She asked him if he would fail a drug test and he had to say yes in case she went ahead and gave it to him. He has no visitation. It was one of my few victories but it was a big one.
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