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SouthernYankee
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Fayetteville, NC
Posts: 3
New to this Forum
Hi, I just happened to find this forum and would like to meet others in recovery. July 4th will make my 13th year in recovery from alcohol and drugs. Life is happening and I just want to open my horizons with others in recovery. I am filing for a divorce after 21 years of marriage. There is alot of grief that I am having to go through during this process. My grandmother died in January. I was priviledged to be the one by her side when she passed. We did have a wake service but due to the ground being frozen, her burial service is not until the end of June. She is getting buried on my granparents 70th wedding anniversary. My grandfather is going downhill fast. My mom has colon cancer and emphysema and we do not expect her to be around much longer. Even through all of this, I can still find something to be grateful for. The grief process is the hardest. Sometimes I wish that it would hurry up and pass, but I do know that this is a process and that I have to go through it. I also know that to continue in recovery that I can't do it alone. Anyone have some suggestions to help through the process?
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Roxbury, CT
Posts: 22
Greif and loss forum
I don't know how busy it is though, but it is offered here.
You seem to have a great grasp of what it means to be healthy! 13 years of living clean is a fantastic acheivement!!
I have to tell you that you are doing what you need to do, you are allowing yourself to feel the feelings and you realize that the process of greiving takes time.
Do you see your mother often? Is a hospice involved or do you have one in mind for when the time comes?
Do you have other family members that help?
You seem to have a great grasp of what it means to be healthy! 13 years of living clean is a fantastic acheivement!!
I have to tell you that you are doing what you need to do, you are allowing yourself to feel the feelings and you realize that the process of greiving takes time.
Do you see your mother often? Is a hospice involved or do you have one in mind for when the time comes?
Do you have other family members that help?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
welcome from another southern yankee!
welcome to these boards.i am sure you will find them very helpful and comforting as i have. congrats on your 13 years!! that is truly wonderful,and inspiring. i am not the a,my ex boyfriend is so i cant help you much there. i can tell you that i have already been through the agony of watching my family die. except for a few aunts and uncles who i was never close with,its only me and my sis left.(we have lost our parents and two brothers) and she is an alcoholic,which has somewhat come between us. along with the 600 miles!!
when family is sick,it is tremendous stress. you dont even realize the stress you are going thru. with both my parents it was a long,excruciating time. sometimes i dont know how i got thru it. especially due to the fact i didnt have good strong emotional support.
when my dad died,i had that--a marriage separation--a new relationship--and then i moved to another state...all within less than a year!!
you are dealing with alot....not only loss by death,and loss of good health of someone you love,but the loss of your marriage,too.yes the grief is a process.and it is a slow process. but we do heal.i am so much better than i was nine years ago....as a matter of fact i just realized that sometime in may was the anniversary of my dads death,and i totally forgot about it. for years it was like a holiday,that i wanted no part of,but couldnt forget.now,evidently i think of him more in the living sense,the good memories.
do whatever you can for yourself. keep up that optimism of yet still having things to be thankful for,and stay with these boards. 13 years.....i wouldnt want you to lose that because you feel alone.........you arent here.
when family is sick,it is tremendous stress. you dont even realize the stress you are going thru. with both my parents it was a long,excruciating time. sometimes i dont know how i got thru it. especially due to the fact i didnt have good strong emotional support.
when my dad died,i had that--a marriage separation--a new relationship--and then i moved to another state...all within less than a year!!
you are dealing with alot....not only loss by death,and loss of good health of someone you love,but the loss of your marriage,too.yes the grief is a process.and it is a slow process. but we do heal.i am so much better than i was nine years ago....as a matter of fact i just realized that sometime in may was the anniversary of my dads death,and i totally forgot about it. for years it was like a holiday,that i wanted no part of,but couldnt forget.now,evidently i think of him more in the living sense,the good memories.
do whatever you can for yourself. keep up that optimism of yet still having things to be thankful for,and stay with these boards. 13 years.....i wouldnt want you to lose that because you feel alone.........you arent here.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi S.Yankee and welcome!
I'm sorry to here about the trying times your dealing with right now. I think your a great inspiration to those in showing us no matter how many obstacles we encounter, we don't have to drink.
We have a Grief and Loss forum, stop by there for some support, we're very glad your here!
I'm sorry to here about the trying times your dealing with right now. I think your a great inspiration to those in showing us no matter how many obstacles we encounter, we don't have to drink.
We have a Grief and Loss forum, stop by there for some support, we're very glad your here!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome!
13 years! Super!Recently I attended my omly aunts servoces im Mo.
Looking around the room I realized I am now the oldest member of my family left. It made me sad to know that I was the last person to remember the 'good ole times'
However my son who had driven me to my home town had brought his camera. We spent 1 day finding grave sites in several cemetaries and he took pictures of the stones.
My great grand parents on both sides were the oldest.
And now I am a great grand too!
It was a pleasure to give my 26 & 27 grandsons tales of family lore.
So being sad is part of losing others and so is being happy to sshare memories with our future.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
(((((((SouthernYankee)))))))))
Alcoholic named Brett here. Grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Can relate to your post quite a bit. Think maybe you could help me out immensely. I've Lost some older AA friends the past few weeks. It's beginning to feel like an epidemic over the past year so many have passed on that were so instrumental in my own sobriety.
Spent an hour last evening after returning from the Prison Group with a dear friend presently in the local Hospital. His emphysema & pneumonia are kicking in again and the picture is none to pretty. Both meetings last night were joyous & filled with great spirit though. The 20+ inmates at the Prison Group had signed a home-made get well card and we got clearance to take it out of the facility. It was a precious gift to the gentleman in the hospital and thus to me as well. Got a couple oldtimer buddies in Seattle hospitalized as well and waiting on a phone call for the past few hours in case I am traveling again this weekend. Look forward to reading more of your posts and hopefully catching up livetime in Chatroom soon. Glad you found US.
((((((((SouthernYankee)))))))))
Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
3 Legacy
Alcoholic named Brett here. Grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Can relate to your post quite a bit. Think maybe you could help me out immensely. I've Lost some older AA friends the past few weeks. It's beginning to feel like an epidemic over the past year so many have passed on that were so instrumental in my own sobriety.
Spent an hour last evening after returning from the Prison Group with a dear friend presently in the local Hospital. His emphysema & pneumonia are kicking in again and the picture is none to pretty. Both meetings last night were joyous & filled with great spirit though. The 20+ inmates at the Prison Group had signed a home-made get well card and we got clearance to take it out of the facility. It was a precious gift to the gentleman in the hospital and thus to me as well. Got a couple oldtimer buddies in Seattle hospitalized as well and waiting on a phone call for the past few hours in case I am traveling again this weekend. Look forward to reading more of your posts and hopefully catching up livetime in Chatroom soon. Glad you found US.
((((((((SouthernYankee)))))))))
Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
3 Legacy
SouthernYankee
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Fayetteville, NC
Posts: 3
Thanks
Thanks for the warm welcome and the inspiration. My mom lives next door to me. She refuses any outside help. I have family in another state that has offered to take her in also, but she refuses that also. She really cannot live by herself much longer but is a very stubborn person.
Alot of the old timers are passing away in our AA support system in the past few years. They had over 20 years and it seems that one by one we are losing them. It does not seem the same as it was. These old timers were tough. They would tell you to sit down and shut up in a minute. I will check out the other sites.
Thanks,
Michelle
Alot of the old timers are passing away in our AA support system in the past few years. They had over 20 years and it seems that one by one we are losing them. It does not seem the same as it was. These old timers were tough. They would tell you to sit down and shut up in a minute. I will check out the other sites.
Thanks,
Michelle
Let go and let God
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: illinois
Posts: 116
Michelle, Welcome. WOW, when it rains it pours. I am sorry for your situation. It is more than I have had to handle at once. Not sure of your view of your higher power. Mine is God. I believe that God will get me through any situation. He wont leave you. He promises.
I will pray for you.
Keep coming back, Keep posting and keep reading.
Remember the serenity prayer. Someone alot wiser than I said, "it is wasted energy to worry about things in the future or things that cant be controlled"
Alot easier said than done but it is true.
Glad to have you here. There are alot of great people here.
Jeff
I will pray for you.
Keep coming back, Keep posting and keep reading.
Remember the serenity prayer. Someone alot wiser than I said, "it is wasted energy to worry about things in the future or things that cant be controlled"
Alot easier said than done but it is true.
Glad to have you here. There are alot of great people here.
Jeff
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