Can i do this without meetings ?
Keep coming back - Yeah Right!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Surrey, England
Posts: 42
Can i do this without meetings ?
ok,
so as a few of you know already i dont like meetings and have a [well lets say]
dislike of the people and there lack of carrying the message.
my question is this " can i do this without meetings ? has anyone else ? ok, its 6 in the morning and i havent slept a wink for nearly five days but i am asking in all seriousness, yes i have resentments, yes im angry, but im not going to forgive and forget, but can i do this with self will and sober-recovery ? and whatever else i need [except meetings ] ? ive been clean for a long time before and i havent picked up a drink for nearly ten years, well; what do you think ?
so as a few of you know already i dont like meetings and have a [well lets say]
dislike of the people and there lack of carrying the message.
my question is this " can i do this without meetings ? has anyone else ? ok, its 6 in the morning and i havent slept a wink for nearly five days but i am asking in all seriousness, yes i have resentments, yes im angry, but im not going to forgive and forget, but can i do this with self will and sober-recovery ? and whatever else i need [except meetings ] ? ive been clean for a long time before and i havent picked up a drink for nearly ten years, well; what do you think ?
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Can you swim the channel? I don't know.
If you put on floatation such as a life jacket, your chances improve greatly.
If you have friends on the shore ready to throw you a life line, you become even better off.
Same thing happens in recovery.
Can you find the answers on your own? I don't know.
If you read and seek answers where ever you find them (if you find them) your chances improve greatly.
If you have a support group in place, ready to throw you a life line, you become even better off.
Meetings can and do work. When you are willing (like them or not) to go to meetings and take what ever info and support you can get from them... you will find the growth that can come from meetings.
What ever you try... Just continue to say no to that first one. Picking up the first one is what gets us.
If you put on floatation such as a life jacket, your chances improve greatly.
If you have friends on the shore ready to throw you a life line, you become even better off.
Same thing happens in recovery.
Can you find the answers on your own? I don't know.
If you read and seek answers where ever you find them (if you find them) your chances improve greatly.
If you have a support group in place, ready to throw you a life line, you become even better off.
Meetings can and do work. When you are willing (like them or not) to go to meetings and take what ever info and support you can get from them... you will find the growth that can come from meetings.
What ever you try... Just continue to say no to that first one. Picking up the first one is what gets us.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I wish I could say yes, you can do this on your own. But it is a tough job to tackle and I don't believe it to be an easy endever. I tried it on my own and couldn't succeed. I was able to string a few months along at a time then would fall. That's when I became willing to go to any lengths to get sober.
I felt much like you about the program and the people in the beginning. I got over it and got past most of my dislikes. The program has changed my life and my attitude. I view situations from a whole new perspective. Life is much easier to handle now. I don't have to drink over every mini drama I create. In fact, drama has pretty much been eliminated from my life. I don't feel the need to participate in any of that any longer. My old resentments are gone and can deal with any new ones that come along. I no longer hang on to them and allow them to fester inside.
I find what you say curious. Yes i have resentments, yes im angry, but im not going to forgive and forget. Why not? I don't understand why you would want to hang on to any resentments. It's best to let them go and rid yourself from them. Hanging on to your resentments is a heavy burden you can live without.
I'm sorry for your hardships and I'm glad you found your way to Sober Recovery. I find this site a useful tool in addidtion to working a program. Deep down I think you know the answer to your question about self will. Self will will only get you so far. It does nothing to get rid of your resentmets. An easier softer way isn't the answer. I wish you the best and hope you stick around and give your recovery program another chance. You can work through your resentments.
I felt much like you about the program and the people in the beginning. I got over it and got past most of my dislikes. The program has changed my life and my attitude. I view situations from a whole new perspective. Life is much easier to handle now. I don't have to drink over every mini drama I create. In fact, drama has pretty much been eliminated from my life. I don't feel the need to participate in any of that any longer. My old resentments are gone and can deal with any new ones that come along. I no longer hang on to them and allow them to fester inside.
I find what you say curious. Yes i have resentments, yes im angry, but im not going to forgive and forget. Why not? I don't understand why you would want to hang on to any resentments. It's best to let them go and rid yourself from them. Hanging on to your resentments is a heavy burden you can live without.
I'm sorry for your hardships and I'm glad you found your way to Sober Recovery. I find this site a useful tool in addidtion to working a program. Deep down I think you know the answer to your question about self will. Self will will only get you so far. It does nothing to get rid of your resentmets. An easier softer way isn't the answer. I wish you the best and hope you stick around and give your recovery program another chance. You can work through your resentments.
Stopping the tornado
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 143
Tricky,
I think it can be done. I'm like you, have no interest in going to meetings. I do use some parts of the AA program in my own recovery. But I don't go to meetings and don't plan on it.
Thanks to SR, I've found there are several alternatives to AA, and I feel much more comfotable with their philosophies.
Of course it is an individual thing. But yes, it is possible to get sober without going to meetings.
I think it can be done. I'm like you, have no interest in going to meetings. I do use some parts of the AA program in my own recovery. But I don't go to meetings and don't plan on it.
Thanks to SR, I've found there are several alternatives to AA, and I feel much more comfotable with their philosophies.
Of course it is an individual thing. But yes, it is possible to get sober without going to meetings.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: QVB NYC NY
Posts: 620
for me personally........... nope!
but i can tell you that people can and do get and stay sober with out 12 step help or meetings! my brother is one of them. he's got 11 years under his belt.
and contrary to popular belief, he lives a very spiritual and happy life! he's not a religious fanatic either. he read some of my AA literature. decided it wasn't for him and still hasn't had a drink or used any other substance to get high. he owned two bars in this time and went through many other trials and tribulations that would have had me drinking, but remains sober.
i use him often in my sobriety
good luck tricky.
but i can tell you that people can and do get and stay sober with out 12 step help or meetings! my brother is one of them. he's got 11 years under his belt.
and contrary to popular belief, he lives a very spiritual and happy life! he's not a religious fanatic either. he read some of my AA literature. decided it wasn't for him and still hasn't had a drink or used any other substance to get high. he owned two bars in this time and went through many other trials and tribulations that would have had me drinking, but remains sober.
i use him often in my sobriety
good luck tricky.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
I'll go out on a limb and venture a guess that recovery is made that much more difficult to taste as long as my heart remains clouded with anger and resentment.
A thousand meetings or no meetings, fellowship or no fellowship.
Anger and resentment at the things I simply can not change will block the light from reaching me.
Every time, without fail.
A thousand meetings or no meetings, fellowship or no fellowship.
Anger and resentment at the things I simply can not change will block the light from reaching me.
Every time, without fail.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NYC, NY
Posts: 193
Tricky
"Statistically", yes it is possible to recover without meetings - in fact, without any sort of intervention. The percentage of people who have become sober and drug free on their own ranges from between 30 - 70% depending on the study. But, who knows whether you are one of those statistics?
These people tend to share some specific characteristics, both personal and social. But, again...only they could decide what was right for them. By some measures, it was more difficult for drug users, especially those who were deeply emeshed into a "drug culture" that they could not take themselves away from geographically..among many other factors.
Anyway, it is surely a tempting but complicated choice. One interesting book that puts out a lot of information in quite a thorough and scientific way, along with many self-recovery stories, is "Coming Clean", Overcoming Addiction Without Treatment.
Although, I am using various parts of different recovery modalities in my personal program, it was very interesting to read the stories of these people who just did it on their own.
Best Wishes!
"Statistically", yes it is possible to recover without meetings - in fact, without any sort of intervention. The percentage of people who have become sober and drug free on their own ranges from between 30 - 70% depending on the study. But, who knows whether you are one of those statistics?
These people tend to share some specific characteristics, both personal and social. But, again...only they could decide what was right for them. By some measures, it was more difficult for drug users, especially those who were deeply emeshed into a "drug culture" that they could not take themselves away from geographically..among many other factors.
Anyway, it is surely a tempting but complicated choice. One interesting book that puts out a lot of information in quite a thorough and scientific way, along with many self-recovery stories, is "Coming Clean", Overcoming Addiction Without Treatment.
Although, I am using various parts of different recovery modalities in my personal program, it was very interesting to read the stories of these people who just did it on their own.
Best Wishes!
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
Tricky, I believe that meetings are not a necessary ingredient to becoming and remaining sober happy and free. It does sound like you have got some other things on the table that could drag you down. To quote you. You are angry, you have resentments and you are not going to forgive and forget. That is some serious baggage you are going to be carring around. You may have to work on some of those issues to get the happy and free part. As far as getting and remaining sober it definatly can be done without going to AA meetings. Good luck. I am glad for your sober time you have put together for your self stay strong.
Keep coming back - Yeah Right!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Surrey, England
Posts: 42
once again i would like to thank you for your responces to this thread.
i dont want to go it totally alone [just not with meetings] 12 steps, the big book, green and gold N.A, and whatever else it takes to keep me clean and sober is fine. i read your replys with intrest and a sence of hope that there is a way forward for me.
even in sober recovery every minute and hour i spend on here is another minute and hour that i stay clean.. god bless you all for the miricle of clear thought and being sober. . . for this i am truly gratefull [ day five].
i dont want to go it totally alone [just not with meetings] 12 steps, the big book, green and gold N.A, and whatever else it takes to keep me clean and sober is fine. i read your replys with intrest and a sence of hope that there is a way forward for me.
even in sober recovery every minute and hour i spend on here is another minute and hour that i stay clean.. god bless you all for the miricle of clear thought and being sober. . . for this i am truly gratefull [ day five].
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
"One of the main causes of our suffering is the seed of anger inside of us"
"Before we can make deep changes in our lives, we have to look into our diet, our way of consuming. We have to live in such a way that we stop consuming the things that poison us and intoxicate us. Then, we will have the strength to allow the best in us to arise, and we wil no longer be victims of anger, of frustration."
- Thich Nhat Hanh
"Before we can make deep changes in our lives, we have to look into our diet, our way of consuming. We have to live in such a way that we stop consuming the things that poison us and intoxicate us. Then, we will have the strength to allow the best in us to arise, and we wil no longer be victims of anger, of frustration."
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Is it possible to stay clean without meetings, of course. It is a personal choice. If meetings are not helping you and are in fact making things more difficult, I would say, don't go to meetings. There may come a time in your life that you will find the fellowship in meetings helpful to your recovery. In that case I would say, go to meetings. I know that is selfish, and part of 12-step recovery is sticking around to help the addict still in need, but the most important thing is not to use no matter what. If it's not helping and is hurting your recovery, I think you have your answer. As many have mentioned there are many 12-step alternatives (nicely organized into a group on this web site I might add!!) that you may find helpful in addition to your 12-step recovery material. I personally choose to use parts of several different programs and though I am early in my recovery, it seems to be working so far. Good luck Tricky, just follow your heart on this one.
Peace,
Tyler
Peace,
Tyler
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Congratulations on day 5! I know for 20+ years I couldn't do it alone. I found AA, that's what works for me period. The meetings are a significant part of my program but not the only part of the tool box I use. I had to find what worked for me. You have to find what works for you. Many can do it alone, but I think there are just as many if not more that can't. You have many alternatives, counseling, a spiritual advisor, SMART, LifeRing...etc. I think it's important to be amongst people like us for support.
Once your fog lifts, you have a better clarity of mind, you can start working on those anger and resentment issues. I would suggest looking at CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) if you don't think meetings, working with a sponsor, working the steps, and self-discovery will work in resolving these feelings, and these are powerful feelings that can easily lead us out to that one drink. Give yourself time, don't be to hard on yourself, you've got the rest of your life to figure this out.
Once your fog lifts, you have a better clarity of mind, you can start working on those anger and resentment issues. I would suggest looking at CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) if you don't think meetings, working with a sponsor, working the steps, and self-discovery will work in resolving these feelings, and these are powerful feelings that can easily lead us out to that one drink. Give yourself time, don't be to hard on yourself, you've got the rest of your life to figure this out.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
Originally Posted by DangerousDan
I'll go out on a limb and venture a guess that recovery is made that much more difficult to taste as long as my heart remains clouded with anger and resentment.
A thousand meetings or no meetings, fellowship or no fellowship.
Anger and resentment at the things I simply can not change will block the light from reaching me.
Every time, without fail.
A thousand meetings or no meetings, fellowship or no fellowship.
Anger and resentment at the things I simply can not change will block the light from reaching me.
Every time, without fail.
-pedagogue
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
yes my recovery is about ME
if i carry th' same ol' me, how can i recover?
if the only one lookin' at me is me, how can i see?
if i do not want you to see me, what is my fear?
Fear is the absence of love.
i need love
mackat
if i carry th' same ol' me, how can i recover?
if the only one lookin' at me is me, how can i see?
if i do not want you to see me, what is my fear?
Fear is the absence of love.
i need love
mackat
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Lots and lots of wisdom - in all cases though the message is we cannot do it alone....
We must use whatever methodologies work for us and keep our minds open to the experiences and wisdom of others.....
Anger and resentment are the perfect rocket fuel for your next binge so please please watch out for that.......They are negatives and sobriety is based in positive thinking strategies and wholesomeness.......
Keep posting, keep reading......
We must use whatever methodologies work for us and keep our minds open to the experiences and wisdom of others.....
Anger and resentment are the perfect rocket fuel for your next binge so please please watch out for that.......They are negatives and sobriety is based in positive thinking strategies and wholesomeness.......
Keep posting, keep reading......
Hi there, I tried to send you a response to your PM, but your mailbox is full.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 307
Hi Tricky,
I tried and tried and wasn't able to do it without meetings. I'm coming up on 70 days so far and go to about four meetings a week at this point. I need the company of other alcoholics and do have a sponsor. I think it is great if you can do it alone and are comfortable without meetings and a program like AA. Just wasn't able to do this myself. Many people use parts of the program and not others and still go to a couple of meetings a week for the fellowship. I'm not sure if very many of us can do this alone.
I'm sure you will find the right recovery method as long as you keep seeking it. It sure is nice to have a place like SR, though, isn't it?
Good luck!
Jup
I tried and tried and wasn't able to do it without meetings. I'm coming up on 70 days so far and go to about four meetings a week at this point. I need the company of other alcoholics and do have a sponsor. I think it is great if you can do it alone and are comfortable without meetings and a program like AA. Just wasn't able to do this myself. Many people use parts of the program and not others and still go to a couple of meetings a week for the fellowship. I'm not sure if very many of us can do this alone.
I'm sure you will find the right recovery method as long as you keep seeking it. It sure is nice to have a place like SR, though, isn't it?
Good luck!
Jup
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