In memory of miracle

(( Hope )) Say some prayers and turn it over and stay in today!They say that pain is the touchstone for spiritual growth.We come out of it having learned something with a new appreciation for the good times and since I have been sober there have been many good time's and some not so good but even those are better than my best day high or drunk.Keep the faith and continue to inspire me and I am sure other's who see you go thru struggles and come out the other side,Bless,Trish

Anna

Tomorrow will be a better day Hope! I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

Love, Anna

Chy

Your finally experiancing emotions you have numbed for so long, this to shall pass. *hugs*

hopealwayz

You know, I just don't know what is going on with me. I got angry at my friend today because he didn't sit by me and class and didn't say anything other than hi. I asked him after class, "How come you act like you don't know me in class?" Is it all in my head? Why do I get so angry at little things? Am I just jealous because he's talking to other people and not me? I don't understand myself.

Hope

ted

********************{HOPE}}}}}}}}}}}}
I KNOW FOR ME HOPE I CAN ONLY CONTROL MY THOUGHTS AND MY ACTIONS OR REACTIONS.
I GET SO CAUGHT UP IN OTHERS AT TIMES I TOTALLY FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF ME,
THAT'S WHAT I NEED TO DO MOST RIGHT NOW.
WE MUST PUT OUR RECOVERY FIRST OR WE'LL SURLEY DRINK OR USE AGAIN!!!
NO TURNING BACK NOW,CRY YOUR HEART OUT DEAR..............ted

hopealwayz

I feel like giving up. Today I don't really remember why I'm trying so hard. Selective amnesia?

ChrisMan

Hopealwayz,

Your name says it all. There is always hope.

We addicts have to make an adjustment when dealing with other people. We have to re-learn how to live normally. It takes time. Just yesterday I went away thinking my friend hated me. I later realized that I was the one who let silly thoughts whirl around in my head.

Don't give up. Or, to put it another way, DO give up. That is, give up trying so very hard. Relax. So many times when we tense up trying to be normal, we end up feeling very unnormal. Know that we all embrace you here with understanding and peace and love. Know that sobriety is livable -- not just an ideal. It can be done. Just keep going one day at a time. Peacefully.

ChrisMan

hopealwayz

I just had dinner with my friend. He is leaving in the military in a few months and you know it is going to break my heart to see him go. I love him and I only want the best for him but I'm going to miss him so much. He says he will come back to see me graduate from college which will be next May and I can't wait until that day. He is my first love and I hope God will lead us back together. I'm crying now because I know time is going by fast and I don't know how to say goodbye to someone who has meant so much to me. Please pray for me and for him.

Love and hugs,
Hope

nutz

okay, I did it.

Richie

I'm praying for you Hope.Don't give up.You have a lot of friends here.

BOOZER

Hope,

I'm so sorry you feel this way. If you recall, I'm the one who split up with my Hope a while back?
Well all last month I was very good about not drinking but still did once in a while, even if only one beer. I never got better that way. My head never cleared. I reached the point where you sound like you are at now. I could not take the continual sadness and pain. This is just last Sunday night. Well I gave up and tried to kill myself. I really went for broke too and can only think I am still here because of God. The concoction I took should have done it. It did not though and the next day I went into detox, after a quick trip to the hospital that is because the next night I almost died anyway from convulsions. My heart rate was out of control. I was told that should have killed me too but it did not.
I finished detox and it is now 7 days clean, 6 really. My head is much more clear. I miss my ex much less because the insanity of the DTs and everything else is gone. So is most of the pain.
Anyway, although I am clean I still do miss her. Yesterday it began to bother me a lot again. I noticed that I had not eaten yet so had some food. Within a half hour I was better and the pain was gone.
Right now you, myself, and likely the rest of us are all very weak. We need to do everything we can can to stay strong. That includes getting enough sleep and eating well. Now is not the time to worry about diets or anything else. You need to give your body every advantage you can to make it and your mind as strong as it can be.
Don't forget that depression is a side effect of quitting booze. It is normal and so are you my friend.
Try to treat yourself to something nice. You deserve it for sure. For example last night I had an ice cream sunday which I normally do not do. Tonight I will rent a movie and smoke a nice cigar. The cigar may cost about $20.00 but I would have spent that drinking anyway. Just treat yourself to whatever works for you.

Please, please, please write here some more if you are still so depressed. Look at what I did last Sunday? It can be overwhelming and if you need support write here. If you like send me a private posting and I will send you my e-mail address, phone number, whatever. No matter what, if the depression does not go away don't drink. It only adds to the insanity. It is what put me over the edge last Sunday.

Val-light

Hi Hope,
Keep writing your feelings down. Even if your brain gets tired of all the things whirling around in it...keep writing and tackling the issues that bother you. The answers will come.
Best wishes.
Val

hopealwayz

I think I'm just scared of what I'm going to find when I open the doors inside of me. I'm so scared of my emotions and feelings and it makes things difficult. I feel like a total mess right now. I hope I feel strong soon. This too shall pass.

Love,
Hope

BOOZER

When you go to AA do you tell your story? I did over and over last week at detox and at an AA. Tonight I will again.
It is hard as hell at first but gets easier each time. It helps to open those doors and once open shame, mine at least, began to go away. The shame that is. Everyone is different but it works for me. Besides, most people at those meetings have stories of thier own and can relate. I made some friends that way too who I can call and vice versa when I get into trouble. Which is about right now cause I'm spending too much time thinking.
Anyway, it is just a thought.

hopealwayz

I know everyone is probably tired of hearing me whine and I don't like to talk about negative things either. I feel bad coming on here and ranting about so much sad stuff.

Roxann

Oh Hope, we are here to listen and to talk and to help. Whine, bitch, rant and rave all you want. We're here for you. :heart:

BOOZER

It's not ranting and raving. You are hurting and want to talk. I've been there as have most of us. Actually I am there right now. So much for my great advice huh? Now I got to thinking about my ex. Oh well, my answer is to go to sleep. Things are always better in the morning.
I have been doing a lot of reading about alcoholism and addiction. It is said that eating sweets helps curve the cravings. They don't have medical proof but people seem to think it works. I've been eating chocolate sundays recently and hardly do that. I seem to be better after doing so.
So, as we have said before, do something nice for yourself. Eat some ice cream, candy, take a bubble bath, rent a good movie, whatever is a nice thing for you.

BOOZER

I think I am beginning to understand some of how you feel. I am new at this so have not been through it all as of yet. Last night I began thinking about my ex a lot. Still right now. I don't understand it. I was doing pretty well and it was not bothering me but now it does. So this is what I mean by understanding. Emotions are a real whirlwind after quitting huh? Very happy and very sad can both come within a few minutes for no apparent reason.
Well you hang in there and I will too. I guess time will help us both.

hopealwayz

I love him, I wish he didn't have to leave. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm going to miss him so much when he leaves. My heart feels like it is sinking now as time nears when he will have to leave. It is really hard. The pain is so great.

But I'm hanging in here, riding on the wings of an angel.

Love,
Hope

Val-light

Hope,
Hang in there and be strong!