Starting on the road. Any comments would help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Leeds, Uk
Posts: 3
Starting on the road. Any comments would help
Hi everyone,
I am 38 years old and I've known (but not fully admitted to myself) I have an alcohol addiction for some years. I'm not a dramatic drinker no fights, no memory loss, no accidents, no vomiting. lovely family, great wife two beautiful young kids. Excellent job - on the face of it no problems, all to play for.
After college days which were drunken but weren't everyones? I've settled into a bottle or so of wine a night - everynight for about the last 10 to 12 years. Very occassionally a bit more but not often. Very steady very consistent. Always after 7 in the evening til midnight - never drink in the day. As time has gone on I've begun to notice little medical problems. Dry uncomfortable skin, bad digestion, bloated, gurgling volcanic digestive system generally unwell and tired. Funny how it creeps up on you to the point that you can't tell if you feel unwell or not 'cos you always do. 'cos your always hungover.
Anyway started to get pain on right side gnawing and noticeable but not severe. Especially if I bent forward. So I went to the Doc (not my usual who always says its just gastritis from too much beer and I should cut down, she never seems very concerned though she is very nice).
He had a feel asked the usual questions and being a man I hinted begging for him to probe the drink question. I suggested that Christmas had been particularly excessive etc. He thought I had some nerve trauma and sent me away.
Two days later the 'phone rings at home and its the Doc. "I've been looking through your notes and you do drink a bit, I'd like to do a few blood tests"
"What for " says I panicking.
" I think you may have a little 'liver stress' and I want to check it out"
"Ok says I I'll pop back"
Well this really shook me. Of course I'm always thinking of my liver and how its doing. Have done for years. But each time I visit the Doc they hav'nt felt the need to check so I go away reassured - of course I'm OK everyone drinks as much as me and so I carry on for another 6 months or so.
As result I'm now convinced I've got end stage cirrhosis and will never be able to drink again ( and I so love to drink). Oh the shame of telling everyone I can't drink 'cos my livers knackered through alcohol.
I'm so shocked I havn't had a drop for 4 days and nights. I feel so much better ( though the digestion and twinges are still troublesome but receding). The sleep is glorious and the mornings a joy.
I'm worried if they tell me its knackered for obvious reasons but also worried that its OK 'cos I might just continue boozing until one day my liver is done for.
Rationally I know it can't be really bad. I've no major symptoms and as I'm from a Irish drinking family my genetics are probably quite tolerant, everyone drinks and we've no cirrhosis as far as I know.
But the mind still worries. I'll settle for a mild fatty liver with a bit of alcoholic hepatitis which I can at least reverse. I'm hoping its a stomach ulcer!
Sorry if I have wittered on. I'm at a crossroads whatever the outcome I need to control my drinking in the future and even though I've gone 4 days (encouraged by fear) I'm not sure I could do it forever.
Views and thoughts welcome
Thanks
I am 38 years old and I've known (but not fully admitted to myself) I have an alcohol addiction for some years. I'm not a dramatic drinker no fights, no memory loss, no accidents, no vomiting. lovely family, great wife two beautiful young kids. Excellent job - on the face of it no problems, all to play for.
After college days which were drunken but weren't everyones? I've settled into a bottle or so of wine a night - everynight for about the last 10 to 12 years. Very occassionally a bit more but not often. Very steady very consistent. Always after 7 in the evening til midnight - never drink in the day. As time has gone on I've begun to notice little medical problems. Dry uncomfortable skin, bad digestion, bloated, gurgling volcanic digestive system generally unwell and tired. Funny how it creeps up on you to the point that you can't tell if you feel unwell or not 'cos you always do. 'cos your always hungover.
Anyway started to get pain on right side gnawing and noticeable but not severe. Especially if I bent forward. So I went to the Doc (not my usual who always says its just gastritis from too much beer and I should cut down, she never seems very concerned though she is very nice).
He had a feel asked the usual questions and being a man I hinted begging for him to probe the drink question. I suggested that Christmas had been particularly excessive etc. He thought I had some nerve trauma and sent me away.
Two days later the 'phone rings at home and its the Doc. "I've been looking through your notes and you do drink a bit, I'd like to do a few blood tests"
"What for " says I panicking.
" I think you may have a little 'liver stress' and I want to check it out"
"Ok says I I'll pop back"
Well this really shook me. Of course I'm always thinking of my liver and how its doing. Have done for years. But each time I visit the Doc they hav'nt felt the need to check so I go away reassured - of course I'm OK everyone drinks as much as me and so I carry on for another 6 months or so.
As result I'm now convinced I've got end stage cirrhosis and will never be able to drink again ( and I so love to drink). Oh the shame of telling everyone I can't drink 'cos my livers knackered through alcohol.
I'm so shocked I havn't had a drop for 4 days and nights. I feel so much better ( though the digestion and twinges are still troublesome but receding). The sleep is glorious and the mornings a joy.
I'm worried if they tell me its knackered for obvious reasons but also worried that its OK 'cos I might just continue boozing until one day my liver is done for.
Rationally I know it can't be really bad. I've no major symptoms and as I'm from a Irish drinking family my genetics are probably quite tolerant, everyone drinks and we've no cirrhosis as far as I know.
But the mind still worries. I'll settle for a mild fatty liver with a bit of alcoholic hepatitis which I can at least reverse. I'm hoping its a stomach ulcer!
Sorry if I have wittered on. I'm at a crossroads whatever the outcome I need to control my drinking in the future and even though I've gone 4 days (encouraged by fear) I'm not sure I could do it forever.
Views and thoughts welcome
Thanks
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Fear worked for me. I stopped drinking (intake of alcohol) pretty fast.
The getting sober part...well that was another story.
You may want to seek out AA meetings. The 12 steps of recovery that are used do help treat the whole person. Helps deal with staying alcohol free but also helps with dealing with life (fear of what ifs) My growth into a sober person was the need for attitude adjustment. What I found along the way though... growth in so many other areas of life. We don't need be in the gutter falling down from our intake to benifit from what AA can and does teach us. A healthy life would be one with a healthy mind, body, and soul. Feels much better once I started working on the whole and not just a part or 2.
The getting sober part...well that was another story.
You may want to seek out AA meetings. The 12 steps of recovery that are used do help treat the whole person. Helps deal with staying alcohol free but also helps with dealing with life (fear of what ifs) My growth into a sober person was the need for attitude adjustment. What I found along the way though... growth in so many other areas of life. We don't need be in the gutter falling down from our intake to benifit from what AA can and does teach us. A healthy life would be one with a healthy mind, body, and soul. Feels much better once I started working on the whole and not just a part or 2.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: ontario
Posts: 83
Great you have four days!!!
And, you said you feel so much better in the mornings!
I'd say try for five ok?
Don't worry about forever re not drinking.
Do it one day at a time.....
Your clue is that you are worried about that liver, you have pains, you feel tired, unwell and all that when you drink.
If doc says your liver is fine feel blessed and keep doing the one day at a time because don't you want to keep that pain in your side away? And feel more energetic and not "sick"????
Go for it.
Greenmeadow
And, you said you feel so much better in the mornings!
I'd say try for five ok?
Don't worry about forever re not drinking.
Do it one day at a time.....
Your clue is that you are worried about that liver, you have pains, you feel tired, unwell and all that when you drink.
If doc says your liver is fine feel blessed and keep doing the one day at a time because don't you want to keep that pain in your side away? And feel more energetic and not "sick"????
Go for it.
Greenmeadow
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: gone
Posts: 35
Join the "club" :)
Wetherby,
Welcome! So glad you are here...
My situation is similar to yours, but I must say that finding this site & the newcomer boards have been an absolute Godsend! I'm in the midst of my 11th day sober, and the best part of it is the mornings...It is wonderful to wake up knowing I am not hungover, and I don't have to feel so stinking GUILTY about downing so much wine!
I just got rid of all the alcohol in the house (fortunately, my husband does not drink), and that has helped. These evenings when I would have poured the first of many glasses of wine (while cooking supper, etc.), I've just made some tea instead. Substituting tea (or a mix of cranberry juice with sparkling water, or some such drink) has helped immensly!
The best advice I received the first day I posted a message here was to simply take it one day at a time (perhaps it sounds like a cliche', but it really works)!
Keep savoring those wonderful, clear-headed mornings!
--Cara
Welcome! So glad you are here...
My situation is similar to yours, but I must say that finding this site & the newcomer boards have been an absolute Godsend! I'm in the midst of my 11th day sober, and the best part of it is the mornings...It is wonderful to wake up knowing I am not hungover, and I don't have to feel so stinking GUILTY about downing so much wine!
I just got rid of all the alcohol in the house (fortunately, my husband does not drink), and that has helped. These evenings when I would have poured the first of many glasses of wine (while cooking supper, etc.), I've just made some tea instead. Substituting tea (or a mix of cranberry juice with sparkling water, or some such drink) has helped immensly!
The best advice I received the first day I posted a message here was to simply take it one day at a time (perhaps it sounds like a cliche', but it really works)!
Keep savoring those wonderful, clear-headed mornings!
--Cara
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 375
Hi Wetherby,
Welcome to the club! I'm Deg, a few miles south of you - and I've bin where you are now. Alcohol really does kill people mate. I lost my best friend to the stuff and I carried on drinking regardless until I started seeing the signs in myself. If you're not able to do this for yourself, then at least thinking of the family puts it in perspective.
I've been sober for nearly 18 months now, and I can really recommend it. There is nothing in your life that alcohol makes easier, better or more enjoyable. If I hadn't stopped at the Old Oak for a drink on the way home I'd have a glass of wine in my hand within seconds of getting through the door. Now I go weeks without even so much as thinking about a drink.
Well done on 4 days or so - and hang in there, and things do get easier. But it takes time and it takes strength.
God loves a Yorkshireman - would be a real shame to waste one.
Deg.
Welcome to the club! I'm Deg, a few miles south of you - and I've bin where you are now. Alcohol really does kill people mate. I lost my best friend to the stuff and I carried on drinking regardless until I started seeing the signs in myself. If you're not able to do this for yourself, then at least thinking of the family puts it in perspective.
I've been sober for nearly 18 months now, and I can really recommend it. There is nothing in your life that alcohol makes easier, better or more enjoyable. If I hadn't stopped at the Old Oak for a drink on the way home I'd have a glass of wine in my hand within seconds of getting through the door. Now I go weeks without even so much as thinking about a drink.
Well done on 4 days or so - and hang in there, and things do get easier. But it takes time and it takes strength.
God loves a Yorkshireman - would be a real shame to waste one.
Deg.
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