KneePads

Thank you everyone for the replies

It’s a side of sobriety I was totally unaware/unprepared for but I’m relieved to hear it’s a thing!

Definitely going to be aware of this going forward. You have all opened my eyes so much to this side of getting sober and now it seems so obvious that I can’t believe I didn’t think of it!! Always learning. Every day’s a school day.

xxx

Steely

It’s a ‘thing’ alright KP.

Sometimes partnerships break down over it. The ‘other’ unable to accept/adapt to the positive changes they see in us. Threatened, unnecessarily.

And the reverse can also be true. Some, on getting sober no longer want to remain in the relationship. Sobriety has changed them to this degree.

This doesn’t seem to be true in your case. You’re talking, and discussing. Both growing as result.

I'm glad you got onto it - with a little help from your friends.

Alysheba

Kneepads, You don't have to agonize over every word that comes out of your mouth because your husband might not be able to handle it? That's kind of a crock. Say what you mean and he's acting not only insecure but a bit abusive, causing you all this angst, and very, very rude. I'd say exactly what was on my mind and if he doesn't "get it" or has a juvenile tantrum, walk away. He needs to come to the party and grow up. Accept the fact that you are bettering yourself and it is going to continue for you to do great.
Sorry to sound harsh, but if I was with someone who talked to me like that and treated like that, well, it just wouldn't happen or, in all honesty, if it kept up, I'd be gone.
I think you're doing great but that isn't very conducive to your recovery. Is he in recovery too? I don't understand the reason for his tantrum in the least and if it were me, I wouldn't care.
ODAAT. It just sounds to me that whole scene he was mean, you didn't say anything wrong. You should be able to say what you want without being afraid of setting him off.
All the best...

LadyArwen

Hi there KneePads. Sorry to hear about your husband’s blow up. To view it in a different light: how lucky you are that he cares so much about you to have a blow up (although very poorly delivered). You getting sober and healthy has changed the dynamic of your relationship. He probably feels worried with the changes. I can tell you what has helped in my relationship with my partner. He is a craftsman (in his retirement) and works with wood. I frequently go out to his workshop and “help him” stain projects, hold pieces while he glues/screws them together, he even has let me do some carving. He inspired me to go back to my childhood love of painting. I finished a commissioned piece recently but I would frequently ask him, how do you like this color, what changes would you make, what type of frame should I use….. Bottom line: Including your husband in your new passions and immersing yourself in his, will bring a deeper bond and help with his insecurities. Love and compassion is the way to go. I hope this helps a little. All the best.

zoobadger

This sort of echoes my thoughts. Going to see a gig at a pub sounds like fun and it's exactly what couples with healthy relationships do together. Also, if he understood your sober journey, he'd be there to support you and make sure you have a good time without drinking. That's really not asking a lot.

His unwillingness to even read about recovery bothers me. Again, not asking very much given that you're going through a profound personal journey right now.

KneePads

Yeah, I’m starting to think for the first time in my life that we might not actually go the distance. I have a lot of thinking/planning to do

Hodd

Oh, I’m sorry to be reading this, KP.

It does seem to be a common theme that partners don’t seem interested in a drinker’s recovery. Are we being harsh in expecting this though? It’s a big deal for us, but I’m not sure the rest of the world sees that.

Really hope it works out, KP.

Dee74

KP

D

Gymbunny7

Hi KP I'm still away at the moment back Sunday. Will post about it when I have my thoughts straight when back at home but haven't had a drink. Anyway I'm in a similar place with my husband, he's 100% supportive of my sobriety and barely drinks himself but I'm not sure part of my downward spiral was a little to do with our relationship. Getting sober and not turning to booze to zone out is flashing red flags for me to.