bree1982

Hi everyone. I just found this website and I feel like this is my only place left to turn. I've been dating my boyfriend of and on since I was thirteen. I'm now 22 and he's 25. I come from a completely different world than him. I had a loving family and a good childhood, while he came from a broken home. His father was a crack head basically his whole lofe and is in and out of jail all the time, (he's actually in jail right now). My boyfriend John, has also been in and out of jail mostly due to DUI's. He has tackled his drinking prblem because I put my foot down and said no more, but now I fear the worst. He's been acting different for the past few months. I live with him now, we moved in together about three months ago. He's been leaving for a few days and not returning, only to act like it's no big deal. I get no explanation of where he is or what he is doing and that I'm not his mother so he doesn't see why he has to tell me or " ask permission " to stay out. This has been leading me to suspicions. His younger sister, she's 20, and his mother both are lazy unemployed, addicts. They would always lie for him when need be, and still do. I just recently found out that his sister went into rehab. She got out the other week, after being there for two months. She put herself in rehab, it wasn't forced it was her decision. I didn't know for what until yesterday when she told me it was for cocaine and crack. This shocked me. I 've been around her almost everyday for the past 3 years, I never saw her or suspected it. She than gave me the biggest low blow that I could've imagined. She told me that she was doing the drugs with her brother, my boyfriend, and that her mother and her fiance were the ones supplying it. I had my suspicions about my boyfriend doing drugs because there were rumors going on around town. I never caught him though. I confronted my botfriend many many times about it and he gets very irritable and mad. We fight often about this. I do believe that he is doing drugs but I know that he will never admit it to me because he's to embarrassed and afraid I'll leave him. He threatens to leave me if I don't stop accusing him, but I know that he won't. I'm very scared right now for him and myself. I'm a full time college student and have a full time job. Times are tough right now with money and he just recentley got laid off. I'm scared that something will happen to him and I will be in a huge rut. I love him more than life itself and I don't know what to do. I can't trust him around his qon family because now I know what kind of people they are. I always thought he was different. He never acted like his family and I can't understand why after twenty five years of living he would start now. He never ever did any drugs and always talked down about people that did. He had a horrible childhood and had alot of anger because of it. I need to know how I can help him. How do I help someone that doesn't admit that they are even doing drugs. All his friends and family do it with him. I'm all he has. Everyone else could care less about him. I feel like if I don't take care of him than who will? If I try to tell him to go to rehab or talk to a counselor he'll laugh at me. He's on probation and if his probation officer finds out, she will put him right back into jail, she won't put him somewhere to get help. This is something I feel I'm facing alone. What should I do? I won't give up on him, I love him to much and he is a great person. He's just haunted by a horrible childhood and doesn't understand what it's like to have someone actually care about him. Someone Please Help!!!

Time2Surrender

I didnt start really ising hard drugs till I was 25.I say get out.You cannot do anything to keep someone else clean.You are in for a long hard road if you stick around.

Anna

Hi Bree,

I'm sorry for your situation. If your boyfriend wants help and looks for help, you can support him. But other than that, there is really not much you can do. He has to do this himself, for himself.

You might check out the NarAnon forum on this board where you'll find other people in situations similar to yours.

Anna

CAPTAINZING2000

What In The Way Of Utilities And Lease Has Your Name On It? I'd Make Sure, That There Is Nothing To Make You Accountable For The Place You're At.

Let Me Get This Straight, He Takes Off For A Few Days At A Time And Hey It's No Big Deal We're Not Married. Lucky For You That You're Not
Sounds Like He Goes And Hides Under A Rock When, He's Not With You.
The 2 Most Important Things In Any Relationship Is Trust And Respect. From What You've Put Down, He Doesn't Respect You And You Don't Trust Him.
I Myself Wouldn't Want To Be Treated Like This. Y Do You Want To Be Treated Like This? You're A Decent And Caring Human Being. You're A Victim For Being Nice. Do You Suspecr Drugs In Your Home? Do You Think, He's Selling Drugs?
Why Do You Call Him A Good Person When, He's Treating You Like Dirt.

Bree,

Losers Like This R A Dime A Dozen. There Is Nothing You Can Do For Him. We Addicts And Alkies Have To Come To Face We Have A Problem. Ask Any Of The People In Here On Meth Whatt They Love. Drugs Is Our First Love.

Ask Your Self, Why Do I Want To Be With Someone That Doesn't Treat Me With Any Respect!!!!!!

Try Some Alanon Meetings We Alkies And Druggies Prey On People Like You. Y??? Because We Can Use You And Make You Think It's Your Fault That's Y....

Listen, Take Everyone's Advice In Here And Weigh It All Out. Do You Know Why I'm Coming Down So Hard On This Guy? My Daughter Is The Same Age As You. If, Her Boyfriend Was Doing To Her Like Yours' Is Doing To You I'd Have A Little Chat With Him. He Wouldn't Like What I Have To Say.

Ask Your Mom And Dad See What They'd Say. One Last Thing Before I Go Believe It Or Not If What Goes On Around Your Home You'd Be Ashamed If, You're Mother And Father Found Out Maybe, Maybe It's Not The Way You Should Be Living. You Know Why? Because Your Mother And Father Love You And Want Whats Good For You And This Guy Isn't It

greenmeadow

I second the message above. He disappears for days, says you are not his mother? he doesn't need permission?..... I had a brief glimpse of a future riddled with scenes like this while you struggle to go to school and work. It will slowly sap your energy and turn you into a wreck. I say get out. Good thing you are not married. Focus on your studies and a secure future for yourself. You are young. You deserve a better relationship one where you are treated with respect and have a sharing, loving partner. Why choose what looks to be a long road of hardship, frustration, confusion, and chaos? Go for the better side of this coin.

Greenmeadow.

duain1967

run bree run before it to late.

pedagogue

If you love him as much as it sounds like you do, then please take a second and really think about what I'm about to say.

1. You are not all he has. He has drugs. Right now he is choosing drugs over you because you are making the choice easy for him. You need to put your foot down and TELL him that if he doesn't get clean..NOW, you are out the door. You care about him and don't want to see him get hurt/die, but you will not be there supporting him while he slowly kills himself.

2. You need to be willing to walk away. He will bring you down with him. Sometimes a person needs to lose everything before they are ready to change. I pray that he realizes that you are serious and you will leave him, but sometimes even then....he still will choose drugs.

I really hope you two can work this out, but his actions speak loudly. If you don't respond with conviction...he will not respond to you.

-pedagogue

bree1982

Thank you everyone. This is hard and I'm glad I have people that care and don't even know me.