Weekenders, We got Sober…Where do we go from this point on? April 12-15, 2024
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,709
Weekenders, We got Sober…Where do we go from this point on? April 12-15, 2024
Weekenders, We got Sober…Where do we go from this point on?
April 12-15, 2024
I naively thought when I got sober everything would be ok. But realised it needed some effort on my part. I had hid behind the bottle for so long, I had to learn to live without my prop.
The following paragraph’s are words I saved from a thread I was following when I was a few months sober. They were so poignant to me. I hope you find them helpful.
“Most problems don't simply melt away by virtue of putting down the drink, and solutions to our struggles don't simply arrive as a reward for our not drinking and then waiting for them to appear.
Problem solving requires a certain amount of planning, but meaningful change is all about what we do and has little to do with what we think or about how well we plan.
Meaningful change is also not possible until we stop blaming our jobs, our spouses, other people, and circumstances in our lives for our problems, and instead, take responsibility for our struggles, also by taking actions that are relevant to what we want to accomplish.
We can put down the drink, but need to follow through to support our sobriety. We may not like the recommendations. We might feel they don’t suit us and reject them, without giving them a real chance.
Rejecting solutions because we don't like them is not at all the same thing as there not being any solutions.
Good therapy is about helping us to get to a better place in our lives; not just listening to people's problems "finding out what's wrong" with someone. This transformation occurs as a result of often complex -- but genuine -- human interactions over time.
Like love, we have trouble describing or defining what it means to have sobriety and living a better life in our hearts, but most of us most certainly know when it's there”.
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends may be a struggle. (We’re here all week too!)
April 12-15, 2024
I naively thought when I got sober everything would be ok. But realised it needed some effort on my part. I had hid behind the bottle for so long, I had to learn to live without my prop.
The following paragraph’s are words I saved from a thread I was following when I was a few months sober. They were so poignant to me. I hope you find them helpful.
“Most problems don't simply melt away by virtue of putting down the drink, and solutions to our struggles don't simply arrive as a reward for our not drinking and then waiting for them to appear.
Problem solving requires a certain amount of planning, but meaningful change is all about what we do and has little to do with what we think or about how well we plan.
Meaningful change is also not possible until we stop blaming our jobs, our spouses, other people, and circumstances in our lives for our problems, and instead, take responsibility for our struggles, also by taking actions that are relevant to what we want to accomplish.
We can put down the drink, but need to follow through to support our sobriety. We may not like the recommendations. We might feel they don’t suit us and reject them, without giving them a real chance.
Rejecting solutions because we don't like them is not at all the same thing as there not being any solutions.
Good therapy is about helping us to get to a better place in our lives; not just listening to people's problems "finding out what's wrong" with someone. This transformation occurs as a result of often complex -- but genuine -- human interactions over time.
Like love, we have trouble describing or defining what it means to have sobriety and living a better life in our hearts, but most of us most certainly know when it's there”.
If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends may be a struggle. (We’re here all week too!)
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,956
Shotgun!! Well said Mags on meaningful change. I am looking forward to being more active with my dear friends at SR. No gym today, had a good dinner. Wishing everyone a great sober day/ night ahead. Good night from Seattle.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,956
Meaningful change is also not possible until we stop blaming our jobs, our spouses, other people, and circumstances in our lives for our problems, and instead, take responsibility for our struggles, also by taking actions that are relevant to what we want to accomplish.
I remember a plan I had in 2012 to take six months off work, “reduce” drinking and lose about 20lbs. Looking back, that’s so naive on every level. The job was only stressful because I had hangovers! Also, taking time off from working like that is merely a temporary fix. Oh and like many drinkers, I didn’t recognise that I was dependent. The result of my six months off would’ve been I’d have lost 20lbs but would then have put it on again within weeks.
I was such a know if all back then. Only once I humbled down (?) was I able to make any changes.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,213
In for a poison-free weekend
Thanks Mags, "where do we go from this point on?" is a very good question. The thought of choosing the path of never. drinking. again - is overwhelming when you are a drinker because your mindset is such that it is hard to imagine not wanting a drink when you are not hungover. The good news is that after a time, you don't want a drink. We're not living day to day with a chasm in our lives where booze used to be.
Another way of looking at things is to imagine the path you are on now in 2 or 3 years time. Everything will be worse than it is now. Looked at like that, going sober isn't so daunting.
Booze and other drugs offer an illusory escape from life's demons - so if you can't escape them you might as well confront them.
An old alcoholic footballer* (soccer) who got sober aged 37 said drinkers are feted as "hellraisers" because the public secretly enjoy watching famous people destroy themselves. He said the wild thing was to get sober. He was right.
Couldn't resist - there is drink in this video but no drinking
*if you're a Brit - it was Jimmy Greaves.
Thanks Mags, "where do we go from this point on?" is a very good question. The thought of choosing the path of never. drinking. again - is overwhelming when you are a drinker because your mindset is such that it is hard to imagine not wanting a drink when you are not hungover. The good news is that after a time, you don't want a drink. We're not living day to day with a chasm in our lives where booze used to be.
Another way of looking at things is to imagine the path you are on now in 2 or 3 years time. Everything will be worse than it is now. Looked at like that, going sober isn't so daunting.
Booze and other drugs offer an illusory escape from life's demons - so if you can't escape them you might as well confront them.
An old alcoholic footballer* (soccer) who got sober aged 37 said drinkers are feted as "hellraisers" because the public secretly enjoy watching famous people destroy themselves. He said the wild thing was to get sober. He was right.
Couldn't resist - there is drink in this video but no drinking
*if you're a Brit - it was Jimmy Greaves.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,926
Thanks for another great opener, Mags….awesome work with the weekender threads! 
I am needing to make sure I keep my recovery on the front burner and not get complacent. That’s (one of the reasons) why I love coming here and staying in touch with everyone. Thanks SR for keeping the doors open!
In for another sober weekend
I am needing to make sure I keep my recovery on the front burner and not get complacent. That’s (one of the reasons) why I love coming here and staying in touch with everyone. Thanks SR for keeping the doors open!
In for another sober weekend
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: New England
Posts: 1,484
Intro was very timely for me Mags1. Been in a mental rut and probably putting blame for it on things in my life; ie spouse, in-laws, work, age etc. need to practice gratitude for what I have and focus on solutions to problems not look for causes.
In for weekend. Pledging for today. Day 556.
In for weekend. Pledging for today. Day 556.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,813
Question for the weekenders.
My friend was EXTRE.MELY generous for my birthday . Hw got me a €100 book. I want to get him something really good, budget 70ish. He said he'd ike something baking related. He started a class recently. Any ideas?
My friend was EXTRE.MELY generous for my birthday . Hw got me a €100 book. I want to get him something really good, budget 70ish. He said he'd ike something baking related. He started a class recently. Any ideas?
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,956
Hodd, 
good to see you. Hindsight is great though I Wish I’d had more foresight. 
good to see you. Hindsight is great though I Wish I’d had more foresight.
Mind you, I like the idea of six months off work! But I have this vision of my bank balance dropping exponentially 🤣
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
I was one who drank at life, good and bad. I thought when I go sober that all would be well. The truth for me now is…life is just life. Filled with struggle and bright spots, stress and ease. I realized that my problem with life was that I expected too much of it. I began to separate the concepts of “contentment” and “happiness”, and quit measuring each day by what I didn’t have that I thought I was owed.
When I drank, I had to face each day’s inevitable ups and downs with the sickness and anxiety that alcohol brought me. Now that I’m sober I face each day with a full, healthy foot forward. It’s a struggle, but that for me is just the nature of my time on earth. Since I quit facing each day with a sense of loss for what I don’t have in my life, the idea of picking up a drink has become preposterous. I would still not have that thing, (relationship, money, insert desired thing here), and I would be sick in mind and body.
Life is tough. The illusion that we can escape that simple fact through substances is a lie. Finally being honest with myself made the path forward crystal clear, and brought me a pride in my own strength I didn’t anticipate.
-bora
When I drank, I had to face each day’s inevitable ups and downs with the sickness and anxiety that alcohol brought me. Now that I’m sober I face each day with a full, healthy foot forward. It’s a struggle, but that for me is just the nature of my time on earth. Since I quit facing each day with a sense of loss for what I don’t have in my life, the idea of picking up a drink has become preposterous. I would still not have that thing, (relationship, money, insert desired thing here), and I would be sick in mind and body.
Life is tough. The illusion that we can escape that simple fact through substances is a lie. Finally being honest with myself made the path forward crystal clear, and brought me a pride in my own strength I didn’t anticipate.
-bora
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,989
Greetings Ya'll
🅶🆁🅴🅰🆃 🅾🅿🅴🅽🅸🅽🅶 🅿🅾🆂🆃 🅼🅰🅶🆂
🆁🅾🅲🅺 & 🆁🅾🅻🅻 🆁🅴🅰🅳🆈 🅵🅾🆁 🆃🅷🅸🆂 🆆🅴🅴🅺🅴🅽🅳🅴🆁🆂
No drinking for me today thank you. Recovery gave me better things to do with my time. Out with the old in with the new.
Jamming with SOAD here at the WE's this morning has me in a good mood to start my day. Onward and forward We Go 
🆁🅾🅲🅺 & 🆁🅾🅻🅻 🆁🅴🅰🅳🆈 🅵🅾🆁 🆃🅷🅸🆂 🆆🅴🅴🅺🅴🅽🅳🅴🆁🆂
No drinking for me today thank you. Recovery gave me better things to do with my time. Out with the old in with the new.
Jamming with SOAD here at the WE's this morning has me in a good mood to start my day. Onward and forward
We Go
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