Aren’t you the cutest thing?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,511
Aren’t you the cutest thing?
Today was a typical me vs ppl day.
Starting with the paralegal who is doing our wills. It’s taken over a year to do this simple will. I have no idea why. We own no real estate. Have no kids. Have no former spouses.
Last correspondence with the lawyer was on October 9th:
“ I don't know that we need a formal meeting to discuss your Personal Representative/Executor. You and Mr Peke just need to decide who you want as primary and back up and write that into the document. If you don't have an individual who you want to have that role, I can give you the name of some professional fiduciaries. I'll send you the complex beneficiary form when I am back in the office tomorrow or Wednesday”.
So i got back in him in an email about our PRs. It’s been a month. I’ve heard nothing. I sent him the information he asked for. Being me, I tend to be polite. Don’t want to bother ppl. But I have surgery coming up in December.
Today his paralegal sounded so displeased with me when i called. She said
“No the complex beneficiary forms are NOT something that [her boss] draws up”. And why haven’t I been in touch! As she’s leaving for vacation tomorrow.
I was like a deer in the headlight.s. So much to process. So much to take in. What?
So I said “I am going to read to you again the email that your boss sent to me”
And she again says “it’s not done the way my boss said”.
Well how was I supposed to know this? I’m a neophyte. I read his email. I did what I was told. I waited after giving him the data he wanted.
Then she goes on to say that I’m not cc’ing her when I email her boss. I admitted that I’d forgotten to do it once. The whole thing lefts me upset and knots in my stomach.
I have a major surgery next month, I’d like to get the wills finished. She says that’s her goal too.
After I apologized for not CCing her when I emailed her boss I said to her but I still did email your boss with the relevant information on October 11th. And then she went on to say “Mrs. Peke my boss receives 300 emails a day he can’t possibly address every single one”.
Unbelievable. So it’s my fault? Because I did email him on 10/11 with the info that he needed, never heard back.
I was so sad. I went out for a run. It felt so good.
Got back home. Went to the supermarket. I was still very upset. And this girl who couldn’t be more than 25 who works at the supermarket turned to me, and she said “my god, aren’t you the cutest thing? In your braids and pink vest”. I wanted to cry. It felt so comforting. I began to smile. I let it all go. It was like she was the mom that I never had. I remembered who I am, and who I want to be, not this wound up stomach-in-knots scowling person.
A kind word from a stranger. Just that helped so much. And the run.
Thank you for listening
Starting with the paralegal who is doing our wills. It’s taken over a year to do this simple will. I have no idea why. We own no real estate. Have no kids. Have no former spouses.
Last correspondence with the lawyer was on October 9th:
“ I don't know that we need a formal meeting to discuss your Personal Representative/Executor. You and Mr Peke just need to decide who you want as primary and back up and write that into the document. If you don't have an individual who you want to have that role, I can give you the name of some professional fiduciaries. I'll send you the complex beneficiary form when I am back in the office tomorrow or Wednesday”.
So i got back in him in an email about our PRs. It’s been a month. I’ve heard nothing. I sent him the information he asked for. Being me, I tend to be polite. Don’t want to bother ppl. But I have surgery coming up in December.
Today his paralegal sounded so displeased with me when i called. She said
“No the complex beneficiary forms are NOT something that [her boss] draws up”. And why haven’t I been in touch! As she’s leaving for vacation tomorrow.
I was like a deer in the headlight.s. So much to process. So much to take in. What?
So I said “I am going to read to you again the email that your boss sent to me”
And she again says “it’s not done the way my boss said”.
Well how was I supposed to know this? I’m a neophyte. I read his email. I did what I was told. I waited after giving him the data he wanted.
Then she goes on to say that I’m not cc’ing her when I email her boss. I admitted that I’d forgotten to do it once. The whole thing lefts me upset and knots in my stomach.
I have a major surgery next month, I’d like to get the wills finished. She says that’s her goal too.
After I apologized for not CCing her when I emailed her boss I said to her but I still did email your boss with the relevant information on October 11th. And then she went on to say “Mrs. Peke my boss receives 300 emails a day he can’t possibly address every single one”.
Unbelievable. So it’s my fault? Because I did email him on 10/11 with the info that he needed, never heard back.
I was so sad. I went out for a run. It felt so good.
Got back home. Went to the supermarket. I was still very upset. And this girl who couldn’t be more than 25 who works at the supermarket turned to me, and she said “my god, aren’t you the cutest thing? In your braids and pink vest”. I wanted to cry. It felt so comforting. I began to smile. I let it all go. It was like she was the mom that I never had. I remembered who I am, and who I want to be, not this wound up stomach-in-knots scowling person.
A kind word from a stranger. Just that helped so much. And the run.
Thank you for listening
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,649
I'm glad you had some nice things happen today Peke.
I'm not sure I could be bothered with a law office that treats me with such disrespect.
You're employing them after all, not the other way around
D
I'm not sure I could be bothered with a law office that treats me with such disrespect.
You're employing them after all, not the other way around
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,511
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm glad you had some nice things happen today Peke.
I'm not sure I could be bothered with a law office that treats me with such disrespect.
You're employing them after all, not the other way around
D
I'm not sure I could be bothered with a law office that treats me with such disrespect.
You're employing them after all, not the other way around
D
I don’t get it. I just hope it’s over soon. They got our $ upfront.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,511
In DBT we learn that if we have a really intense emotion (ie sadness and fear like I had today) we need to do something like run. Even if it’s running in place. I didn’t do that per se. But I did get a good run in to calm down.
My point being that I used my skills.
My point being that I used my skills.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,310
Oh, Peke, I would also feel upset and angry if my attorneys acted that way.
I don't think you were in the wrong there. They slipped up, not you.
Glad the run helped make you feel better.
And the incident at the store - just goes to show how a kind word can lighten up someone's day.
Hope today is a good day for you.
I don't think you were in the wrong there. They slipped up, not you.
Glad the run helped make you feel better.
And the incident at the store - just goes to show how a kind word can lighten up someone's day.
Hope today is a good day for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,511
Originally Posted by Ayers
Oh, Peke, I would also feel upset and angry if my attorneys acted that way.
I don't think you were in the wrong there. They slipped up, not you.
Glad the run helped make you feel better.
And the incident at the store - just goes to show how a kind word can lighten up someone's day.
Hope today is a good day for you.
I don't think you were in the wrong there. They slipped up, not you.
Glad the run helped make you feel better.
And the incident at the store - just goes to show how a kind word can lighten up someone's day.
Hope today is a good day for you.
I wish I were more adult than I am.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,828
Peke, how confusing and arrogant are they! Glad you mustered up your sober tools and went for a run.
I find they help me with much more than just being sober. How lovely of the lady to give a few kind words, makes all the difference. xx
I find they help me with much more than just being sober. How lovely of the lady to give a few kind words, makes all the difference. xx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,449
Peke, very nice to get an uplifting comment from a stranger. I think that we don't know how much we affect people sometimes.
A couple of things going on.
The lady could definitely project a more professional attitude.
It sounds like they have customers that they place a higher value on than your will project. If that's the case, they shouldn't have agreed to do it.
Try to keep a positive productive attitude, keeping your eye on the ball. Communicate in writing (email), and document things said in email form.
It's ok to tell them that you are on a time constraint and if they don't have the time to do it, perhaps they can refer you to someone who does.
A couple of things going on.
The lady could definitely project a more professional attitude.
It sounds like they have customers that they place a higher value on than your will project. If that's the case, they shouldn't have agreed to do it.
Try to keep a positive productive attitude, keeping your eye on the ball. Communicate in writing (email), and document things said in email form.
It's ok to tell them that you are on a time constraint and if they don't have the time to do it, perhaps they can refer you to someone who does.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,194
A friend of mine was going through a divorce and his lawyer was essentially giving him the run around, more than likely to run up billable hours, well he fired her and filed a complaint with the bar and got a full refund.
So if they keep dragging you around there may be recourse but hopefully they get it done soon.
In life there is negative and positive as your day demonstrated.
The key to finding the positive is to focus on the positive.
Focus on the negative and guess what.
The cashier took the initiative to throw some positivity at you. When that happens take it and run with it. Pun not intended.
It took A LOT of work for me to get there but I look at it this way. My time on this planet is short. Why waste it feeling bad about inconsequential things when I can spend it feeling good about inconsequential things?
I'm glad you used your tools to get through the negativity.
That's Exactly how we do it
So if they keep dragging you around there may be recourse but hopefully they get it done soon.
In life there is negative and positive as your day demonstrated.
The key to finding the positive is to focus on the positive.
Focus on the negative and guess what.
The cashier took the initiative to throw some positivity at you. When that happens take it and run with it. Pun not intended.
It took A LOT of work for me to get there but I look at it this way. My time on this planet is short. Why waste it feeling bad about inconsequential things when I can spend it feeling good about inconsequential things?
I'm glad you used your tools to get through the negativity.
That's Exactly how we do it
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,194
Originally Posted by Ayers
Why waste it feeling bad about inconsequential things when I can spend it feeling good about inconsequential things?"I LOVE this. I'll make it my mantra, thanks, fishkiller 
It has been a somewhat difficult change in mindset for me but I am stubborn and I'm determined to do whatever it takes to find peace.
Just like Do Not Drink No Matter What, which is my mantra🙂, it seems the way to living our best lives is through relatively simple concepts that are usually not as simple to put in place.
I guess that's why they call it Work 👍
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,511
Thank you everyone. I appreciate your feedback. I’m always so embarrassed to post things like what I did. I feel like a five year old in a 50 year old body. The thing that stings so much is when I get off the phone I think of all the things that I could’ve said or should’ve said. But with me it’s take the second day Basically one large apology just to deflect the uncomfortable feelings. Thank you again!
The Dog
Join Date: Apr 2023
Location: Fly over state USA
Posts: 5,581
Originally Posted by fishkiller
Just like Do Not Drink No Matter What, which is my mantra🙂
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,778
Oh, how good it is to not feel the insistent urge to apologise Peke.
Sure, if there's good reason, but not just for being you. Whoever told you otherwise, was wrong. Correct them, now.
The 5 year old finds 'maturity', and it's a wonderful thing, this knowledge.
It'll happen, Peke.
Sure, if there's good reason, but not just for being you. Whoever told you otherwise, was wrong. Correct them, now.
The 5 year old finds 'maturity', and it's a wonderful thing, this knowledge.
It'll happen, Peke.
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