KneePads

Zencat, you little diamond, thank you so much for this advice! It’s one of the main bits I struggle with the most.

Definitely agree about learning coping skills! I started drinking at 15 and almost 40 now,
so you can imagine how many (none) coping skills I have learned because I have been too immersed in the bottle. I’m also incredibly impatient. Another big no-no in recovery.

I wonder how many people would never have taken that (very) first drink knowing where it would take them and how hard it is to get off the stuff.

xxx

SnoozyQ

Hi KP.

You've made the first step by coming here 😀

We know in our sober moments that drinking exacerbates EVERYTHING.

Once you become sober it will be easier to not be as anxious. The anxiety I had whilst drinking was through the roof.

Im sober a year this month and I love the feeling of having good sleep, not waking up hungover 🤢🤮 dry retching all day even though there was nothing in my stomach. It’s such a horrendous existence .

The fact I’m not chasing that drink every day has made me less anxious . I’m not the social butterfly 🦋 I once was lol . But I’m a different person now . I love solitude, I have a select group of friends . I don’t do parties or go to large gatherings & eventually it all dissipated .

Getting well is is your new start to the person you deserve to be .

Keep reading here and you will find many kindred spirits

xxxx

Hodd

Hi KneePads, I’m late to your thread. I hope you’re doing ok.

I must admit it is harder for us (ex-drinkers) to socialise. There is a feeling of awkwardness, but like a lot of other things, even this improves with sobriety. You’ll have a whole bunch more free time now you’re not drinking all weekend. It will seem unnatural at first, but you need to get out there and do stuff. I joined a sports club, which has the usual cliques (such people are a bane of my life), but I persevered and have a decent circle of friends there. We mightn’t ever develop the greatest social skills, but the basics such as talking to people, asking questions, etc., go a long way.

KneePads

SnoozyQ and Hodd

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

Re the anxiety - omg it’s the worst isn’t it? The feeling of impending doom like I have done something sooo sooo terrible and everyone is going to die! Believe it or not, despite 25 years of drinking, the anxiety only really properly went into turbo gear in the last few months!!

I have been surprised at however bad things have become from drinking, they can continue to get worse with continued drinking. Even when it’s the pits! It can take me to the lower pit-level!! and beyond!

Hodd, I always in the past have fallen off the wagon because of social stuff. It goes like this:

I decide to stop drinking.
I feel great for a bit.
We get invited to a family/friend ‘thing’.
As the date looms closer I start to panic.
I decide to do the ‘right thing’ and tell them in advance that I can’t attend.
Within a few days I am drinking again anyway because I feel overwhelmed at a lifetime of having to navigate seeing people/family/doing stuff without alcohol.

Rinse. Repeat.

KneePads

Sorry, really need to start shortening my posts!!!
Stay awake people!! 😂😂

fishkiller

Write what you feel.
I am guilty of long rambling posts at times but I just roll with it.

Your posts are a post it note compared to some of my ramblings. 😅

biminiblue

Kneepads, write! Type! Get it out!

I just went back a couple days ago and read all my posts in my Class of March thread from 2014. I'm coming up on ten years sober now. I had a lot of ish to work out. A LOT. I also posted in Weekenders for years and I had some long posts in there, too. If people don't want to read them they can scroll on by. Writing is cathartic and it helps me to verbalize Truths and issues. I also have a journal on my computer. Super helpful to write stuff out that is bothering me.

As far as the socializing without alcohol? I don't actually like parties, unless it's a child's birthday or a big adult one (like 40 or 50.) Never have, even with alcohol. So, I don't go to parties. I also don't like weekends away with people I don't know really well, so I don't do that any more either. Bars? Meh. Some of them have good food, and I'll go to eat but then leave as soon as people start getting loud and repetitive. Sports events are way better sober! Spending $100 to go to a pro game and not remembering all of it isn't really very fun. Music concerts are way better sober for the same reason.

After some sober time I found out it's not that interesting to hang around people who drink a lot. People who have one drink? Sure. I've just learned to limit time with drinkers. I mostly hung out with them before because we had drinking in common and when drinking every topic can be discussed to death.

It's a process.

The anxiety? It will be much better in a few months. Hang on.

Oglsby

Hi KP,

I have anxiety that is greatly reduced now that I do not drink, but it took a while. I also have diagnosed panic disorder, which is genetic in my family. It is not fun, but I kind of think of it like my asthma and take my medicines which work great since I don't drink.

I echo what a lot of others have said. Your lifestyle will change when you are sober, but to me it is far better. I have a small, tight knit group of friends I've had for a long time. I jettisoned people who were not "true friends" during the pandemic. I enjoy texting a lot of people I care about often and I usually meet up with folks for dinner maybe once a month. None of my friends are abnormal drinkers, and I will admit I have left some of the ones who were behind, because I just can't stand to be around drunk people (and I know I was just like they are, so I am not being judgmental). I'm not a bar person for many years, but I will go, like Bimini said, to a place that has good food but leave when people start to get rowdy. Same with sports events.

If I didn't have any close friends I think I would have done as others have mentioned and, after a period of sobriety, would have tried to meet people through working out or something else I like (playing guitar, Church, etc), but for me it really is about quality, not quantity. I am very fortunate to have about 8 friends that I have been friends with for a very long time--some since childhood. I also have pretty good family relations, though we don't all see each other often. I really do like texting, because it can be a way to reach out and just say you were thinking about someone.

KneePads

😂😂😂😂

KneePads

[QUOTE=biminiblue;7992518]

As far as the socializing without alcohol? I don't actually like parties, unless it's a child's birthday or a big adult one (like 40 or 50.) Never have, even with alcohol. So, I don't go to parties. I also don't like weekends away with people I don't know really well, so I don't do that any more either.

Biminblue, me either!! (Only I don’t like kids parties or big adult Birthdays either &#128514

I don’t like weekends away with other people either! Even if I know them well!! I only enjoy it/feel relaxed if it’s me, my partner and kids (and animals) xxx

KneePads

I love doing this too! Just not necessarily the meeting up part too often. I think I’m probably an introvert. I think maybe lots of people on here are xxx