Checking in
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,120
Peke--I'm so glad you're back.
And I'm so sorry you went through what you have, but you are not giving up and you keep trying so that's what's important.
I've had no where near the experiences you have had, but I will say after finally getting 100 days of continuous sobriety under my belt I can say it makes a huge difference. Just get rid of alcohol, it's a liar and a thief and without it you can really start to see your way to a much better life.
I think Adv and others have said it much better than I but I did want to chime in :-)
And I'm so sorry you went through what you have, but you are not giving up and you keep trying so that's what's important.
I've had no where near the experiences you have had, but I will say after finally getting 100 days of continuous sobriety under my belt I can say it makes a huge difference. Just get rid of alcohol, it's a liar and a thief and without it you can really start to see your way to a much better life.
I think Adv and others have said it much better than I but I did want to chime in :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Lots of us struggle with past trauma effects, Peke.
I tell myself, "I cannot change the past. I can make good choices today and that is enough. Today I am safe."
Once I strung a bunch of those days together, I started being able to sort out what was mine and what belonged to other people. I was able to heal.
Staying in the present is really important. When washing my hands, I wash my hands. In this moment.
Sober Time is the biggest part of the solution here, Peke.
I tell myself, "I cannot change the past. I can make good choices today and that is enough. Today I am safe."
Once I strung a bunch of those days together, I started being able to sort out what was mine and what belonged to other people. I was able to heal.
Staying in the present is really important. When washing my hands, I wash my hands. In this moment.
Sober Time is the biggest part of the solution here, Peke.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,495
Bolger:
“ I wouldn't stress too much about the neighbour, just try and be brave and apologise, he's a heavy drinker with a history of passing out, so he should be quite human about it. If not, then screw him. Either way, it will all settle down in time.”
My husband and I actually did write him an apology letter.
Thank you for your candor. For so,e reason I haven’t done damage on Facebook. Thank you for your honesty though. It means a lot.
Thank you fish killer.
Thank you Alpine. Everything worth its weight takes work I guess.
Thanks Al48. Hoping to quiet down my mind.
“ I wouldn't stress too much about the neighbour, just try and be brave and apologise, he's a heavy drinker with a history of passing out, so he should be quite human about it. If not, then screw him. Either way, it will all settle down in time.”
My husband and I actually did write him an apology letter.
Thank you for your candor. For so,e reason I haven’t done damage on Facebook. Thank you for your honesty though. It means a lot.
Thank you fish killer.
Thank you Alpine. Everything worth its weight takes work I guess.
Thanks Al48. Hoping to quiet down my mind.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,655
Peke - It's good to have you back with us. Telling what happened was very brave. It helps to unburden ourselves with people we can trust - those who understand, the way your friends here do.
Alcohol turned me into a stranger - a sick & distorted version of myself. (Complete with 2 DUI's.) I did and said things the sober me would never be capable of. That person is gone now, and I can never let her return. I wouldn't live through it.
Thank you for trusting us with your truth - and for returning here to share strength and wisdom.
Alcohol turned me into a stranger - a sick & distorted version of myself. (Complete with 2 DUI's.) I did and said things the sober me would never be capable of. That person is gone now, and I can never let her return. I wouldn't live through it.
Thank you for trusting us with your truth - and for returning here to share strength and wisdom.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,261
Welcome back. 
There are lots of folks who have experienced childhood
abuse in many forms, whether it be verbally, mentally,
physically, sexually, emotionally at the hands of sick people,
family members, friends, relatives.
Many of these people picked up some sort of addiction
to cope or deal with the trauma endured during that time.
Many of these same folks have switched out addiction
for a recovery life and have begun the healing process and
never returned to their addiction again.
There are many experiences we go through in our lives
and going from addiction to recovery is definitely a freeing
and rewarding experience.
We never forget what we went through as children,
but we can chose not to let what happened to us define
who we really as adults. We can stand up tall for ourselves and
grow stronger living a life in recovery addiction and abuse free.
Grab a hold of your recovery lifelines and use them on a
daily basis to achieve continuous sobriety moving forward.
There are lots of folks who have experienced childhood
abuse in many forms, whether it be verbally, mentally,
physically, sexually, emotionally at the hands of sick people,
family members, friends, relatives.
Many of these people picked up some sort of addiction
to cope or deal with the trauma endured during that time.
Many of these same folks have switched out addiction
for a recovery life and have begun the healing process and
never returned to their addiction again.
There are many experiences we go through in our lives
and going from addiction to recovery is definitely a freeing
and rewarding experience.
We never forget what we went through as children,
but we can chose not to let what happened to us define
who we really as adults. We can stand up tall for ourselves and
grow stronger living a life in recovery addiction and abuse free.
Grab a hold of your recovery lifelines and use them on a
daily basis to achieve continuous sobriety moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,705
Hello, dearest Peke. ❤️
I am so glad you are back. I read every word of your very poignant post, and I want you to know that I respect you big time—your honesty is so brave. Sending you so much love.
❤️I am so glad you are back. I read every word of your very poignant post, and I want you to know that I respect you big time—your honesty is so brave. Sending you so much love.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,614
Peke, I am sorry for the trauma you've had in your life. It's hard to get beyond it, but you can do it.
I will reiterate what Dee said, 'stopping drinking didn't make me happy'. This is true for me, too. But, sobriety gave me the opportunity to do things in my life to help me become the person I wanted to be.
I will reiterate what Dee said, 'stopping drinking didn't make me happy'. This is true for me, too. But, sobriety gave me the opportunity to do things in my life to help me become the person I wanted to be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,495
Sam-
Thank you so much for you kind reply. It must have come in after I replied others. Thank you for being you kind. And for not being judgemental. So proud of you for 100 days!!!!
Bimini…gosh yes. Mindfulness is so key with respect to DBT. Every time my mind goes back to the past (which will depress me) or towards the future (which will make me anxious) I try to remember to stay in the moment. It’s a constant struggle Bimini. My mind is like a car on the road. I have to keep gently merging back in to the lane when it begins to drift out of the lane. I’m trying though.
Hevyn- thank you so much for your candor and your kind reply. Honestly feels right here. It’s all I have left to give. I don’t want to be the intoxicated me anymore.
Thank you so much for you kind reply. It must have come in after I replied others. Thank you for being you kind. And for not being judgemental. So proud of you for 100 days!!!!
Bimini…gosh yes. Mindfulness is so key with respect to DBT. Every time my mind goes back to the past (which will depress me) or towards the future (which will make me anxious) I try to remember to stay in the moment. It’s a constant struggle Bimini. My mind is like a car on the road. I have to keep gently merging back in to the lane when it begins to drift out of the lane. I’m trying though.
Hevyn- thank you so much for your candor and your kind reply. Honestly feels right here. It’s all I have left to give. I don’t want to be the intoxicated me anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,495
Aashar-
Thank you so much for your wise words. I hope that the post about my childhood did not come across like a plea for sympathy. I just was trying to explain where my mindset came from. I am going to try to make better choices now! Thank you so much for replying to this post I really appreciate it.
Venus! Thank you for not judging me. I’m glad to be here. It’s a great place to be. Hugs.
Anna, it’s great to see you. Thank you for the support. It means so much to me!
Thank you so much for your wise words. I hope that the post about my childhood did not come across like a plea for sympathy. I just was trying to explain where my mindset came from. I am going to try to make better choices now! Thank you so much for replying to this post I really appreciate it.
Venus! Thank you for not judging me. I’m glad to be here. It’s a great place to be. Hugs.
Anna, it’s great to see you. Thank you for the support. It means so much to me!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,261
Peke, I didn't get sympathy from your post. After reading what
your wrote, emotions flooded back to my own childhood abuse
at the hand of my own mom, whom was sick in her own way and
out of 4 kids I always wondered why I was the chosen one to
push her buttons and endure her wrath.
A doctor jeckle /mr.hyde personality, addicted to prescription meds
that doctors freely prescribed back in the day. She was a lovely woman
in public never showing anyone to see the cruelness and sickness
that was well hide behind closed doors.
Anyway, at the age of 30 i entered rehab for alcoholism and have
been in recovery and sober ever since.
Years ago, i cut ties to her in order to become a healthier me.
After I had replied to your post yesterday, I was reading news online
and read an article about Sinéad O’Connor and her abusive childhood
at the hands of her own cruel mom and related to it.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, like many
of us who have endure childhood abuse. And that recovery is
achievable and that you can do with recovery support like I and
so many others have.
your wrote, emotions flooded back to my own childhood abuse
at the hand of my own mom, whom was sick in her own way and
out of 4 kids I always wondered why I was the chosen one to
push her buttons and endure her wrath.
A doctor jeckle /mr.hyde personality, addicted to prescription meds
that doctors freely prescribed back in the day. She was a lovely woman
in public never showing anyone to see the cruelness and sickness
that was well hide behind closed doors.
Anyway, at the age of 30 i entered rehab for alcoholism and have
been in recovery and sober ever since.
Years ago, i cut ties to her in order to become a healthier me.
After I had replied to your post yesterday, I was reading news online
and read an article about Sinéad O’Connor and her abusive childhood
at the hands of her own cruel mom and related to it.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, like many
of us who have endure childhood abuse. And that recovery is
achievable and that you can do with recovery support like I and
so many others have.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,495
Aash-
Thank you so much for what your wrote! Wow. I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m sending you hugs. I don’t know how else to articulate it. Thank you for being so kind with your reply. How long ago was the rehab?
I’d heard that about Sinead….that she was abused. So sad. I worry. I don’t want to end up like that.
Thank you so much for what your wrote! Wow. I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m sending you hugs. I don’t know how else to articulate it. Thank you for being so kind with your reply. How long ago was the rehab?
I’d heard that about Sinead….that she was abused. So sad. I worry. I don’t want to end up like that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,760
Welcome back, Pekelover. I love Peke's too.
I'm so sorry to hear your story. Your mother just sounds so unbelievably cruel. It cuts me to hear what you survived. But you survived. You have the power to be whatever you want to be. Are you trying to stop drinking? I wasn't sure from your post if that was your intention. I sure hope so.
We are all here for you. Any time. Thankfully you got a hold of your dad, even if it wasn't perfect. I so wish you the best.
Sending you love, peace and sobriety. 
I'm so sorry to hear your story. Your mother just sounds so unbelievably cruel. It cuts me to hear what you survived. But you survived. You have the power to be whatever you want to be. Are you trying to stop drinking? I wasn't sure from your post if that was your intention. I sure hope so.
We are all here for you. Any time. Thankfully you got a hold of your dad, even if it wasn't perfect. I so wish you the best.
Sending you love, peace and sobriety.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,363
If you are drinking now, pour it out. Your addictive voice will scream at you not to. It wants you dead, and to lose everything, so you can feed it.
What are your plans?
What tools do you have, that you will use, that perhaps you didn’t have before?
What are your plans?
What tools do you have, that you will use, that perhaps you didn’t have before?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,843
Sending more hugs to you, and some stamina along with the hugs to get you thru the hard days and nights.
When I was having a hard time with my feelings, I always looked to my dogs for comfort and reassurance. They are capable of what humans are usually not - they love you more than they love themselves.
In fact, my dogs were my first inspiration to get sober so I'd take better care of them.
The little beagirl I've had for the past 7 yrs, my Billie Jean, has never known me drinking. Just like my sweet old man Jack whom I adopted when I was about 6 months sober. I will do anything for my dog(s) and cat(s).
Please come here often to post and read. We'll hold you up until you can stand on your own.
When I was having a hard time with my feelings, I always looked to my dogs for comfort and reassurance. They are capable of what humans are usually not - they love you more than they love themselves.
In fact, my dogs were my first inspiration to get sober so I'd take better care of them. The little beagirl I've had for the past 7 yrs, my Billie Jean, has never known me drinking. Just like my sweet old man Jack whom I adopted when I was about 6 months sober. I will do anything for my dog(s) and cat(s).
Please come here often to post and read. We'll hold you up until you can stand on your own.
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