Withdrawal-why do some have problems and others don't?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2023
Posts: 24
Withdrawal-why do some have problems and others don't?
Hey all. I am not exactly a newcomer as this journey has been 30 years in the making but I am new to the withdrawals and fear of the trouble that can come from them.
My AH whiteknuckled "sobriety" for awhile. He had a few times that he would drink one day and feel crappy so put it back on the shelf for a bit. February started a trend with less and less shelf time between bottles. He drinks the cheapest vodka and lots of it. He can chug 750ml like I drink a bottle of water.
It's been a few days in a row now but today nothing. He has never had withdrawal symptoms other than being a bit of an asshat but that happens every day so not really a big change.
Why do some get such extreme withdrawals and others don't? He drinks so much. We are not talking beers until you are too "full" to drink anymore. This is like chugging ethanol. How does he even get up and just carry on like nothing happened? No puking. No shaking. Eat breakfast and go to work? I wonder sometimes if he had a little symptom of withdrawal if he would stop (I know this is not the case but something has to be the slap in the face right?) Like there would be a physical manifestation of his issues.
I am asking from a place of compassion. This is in no way meant to seem judging or angry. I just don't want to be blindsided the day I find him having a seizure in the living room.
My AH whiteknuckled "sobriety" for awhile. He had a few times that he would drink one day and feel crappy so put it back on the shelf for a bit. February started a trend with less and less shelf time between bottles. He drinks the cheapest vodka and lots of it. He can chug 750ml like I drink a bottle of water.
It's been a few days in a row now but today nothing. He has never had withdrawal symptoms other than being a bit of an asshat but that happens every day so not really a big change.
Why do some get such extreme withdrawals and others don't? He drinks so much. We are not talking beers until you are too "full" to drink anymore. This is like chugging ethanol. How does he even get up and just carry on like nothing happened? No puking. No shaking. Eat breakfast and go to work? I wonder sometimes if he had a little symptom of withdrawal if he would stop (I know this is not the case but something has to be the slap in the face right?) Like there would be a physical manifestation of his issues.
I am asking from a place of compassion. This is in no way meant to seem judging or angry. I just don't want to be blindsided the day I find him having a seizure in the living room.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,187
I suppose a lot depends on how deep one is into the addiction cycle, at least for initial withdrawal symptoms. But I suspect for those who break the cycle and then return to alcohol, other dynamics, mostly psychological come into play. But I'm speculating on the psychological dynamics. That part is harder to understand, far more complex, and varies from alcoholic to alcoholic, at least that's what I think.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
The development of tolerance/dependence to alcohol, and the associated withdrawal symptoms upon stopping drinking, can indeed vary a lot from person to person.
For me, it was progressive. For most of my drinking career, I got normal hangovers like most people. Then as my drinking escalated, there was a "Goldilocks" period when I didn't get either hangovers or withdrawals. I'd drink to blackout and get up the next morning feeling pretty much OK. Perhaps this is where your husband is on the progression. By the end of my adventures, I was suffering debilitating withdrawal symptoms all the time except for when I was actually drunk.
The other possibility that comes to mind is that your husband's periods of abstinence have become so brief that there isn't time for the withdrawal symptoms to develop. On other words, he's at least a little bit drunk all the time. When you say "It's been a few days in a row now but today nothing," it's not clear to me whether you mean a few days in a row of drinking, or of abstinence.
Tough to watch, I'm sure. Plenty of support here for you on SR!
For me, it was progressive. For most of my drinking career, I got normal hangovers like most people. Then as my drinking escalated, there was a "Goldilocks" period when I didn't get either hangovers or withdrawals. I'd drink to blackout and get up the next morning feeling pretty much OK. Perhaps this is where your husband is on the progression. By the end of my adventures, I was suffering debilitating withdrawal symptoms all the time except for when I was actually drunk.
The other possibility that comes to mind is that your husband's periods of abstinence have become so brief that there isn't time for the withdrawal symptoms to develop. On other words, he's at least a little bit drunk all the time. When you say "It's been a few days in a row now but today nothing," it's not clear to me whether you mean a few days in a row of drinking, or of abstinence.
Tough to watch, I'm sure. Plenty of support here for you on SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2023
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Andante 
The development of tolerance/dependence to alcohol, and the associated withdrawal symptoms upon stopping drinking, can indeed vary a lot from person to person.
For me, it was progressive. For most of my drinking career, I got normal hangovers like most people. Then as my drinking escalated, there was a "Goldilocks" period when I didn't get either hangovers or withdrawals. I'd drink to blackout and get up the next morning feeling pretty much OK. Perhaps this is where your husband is on the progression. By the end of my adventures, I was suffering debilitating withdrawal symptoms all the time except for when I was actually drunk.
The other possibility that comes to mind is that your husband's periods of abstinence have become so brief that there isn't time for the withdrawal symptoms to develop. On other words, he's at least a little bit drunk all the time. When you say "It's been a few days in a row now but today nothing," it's not clear to me whether you mean a few days in a row of drinking, or of abstinence.
Tough to watch, I'm sure. Plenty of support here for you on SR!
For me, it was progressive. For most of my drinking career, I got normal hangovers like most people. Then as my drinking escalated, there was a "Goldilocks" period when I didn't get either hangovers or withdrawals. I'd drink to blackout and get up the next morning feeling pretty much OK. Perhaps this is where your husband is on the progression. By the end of my adventures, I was suffering debilitating withdrawal symptoms all the time except for when I was actually drunk.
The other possibility that comes to mind is that your husband's periods of abstinence have become so brief that there isn't time for the withdrawal symptoms to develop. On other words, he's at least a little bit drunk all the time. When you say "It's been a few days in a row now but today nothing," it's not clear to me whether you mean a few days in a row of drinking, or of abstinence.
Tough to watch, I'm sure. Plenty of support here for you on SR!
He has been drunk solidly for 3 days but I know (as much as I CAN know obviously) he did not drink since around 2am yesterday morning so he is about 32 hours since his last drink. He has to work early today (probably the reason he is abstaining) but that means he gets off before the liquor atores close for no sales so he will have access on the way home.
I am trying to learn as much as I can and I do appreciate your input!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 990
For me, it was progressive. For most of my drinking career, I got normal hangovers like most people. Then as my drinking escalated, there was a "Goldilocks" period when I didn't get either hangovers or withdrawals. I'd drink to blackout and get up the next morning feeling pretty much OK. Perhaps this is where your husband is on the progression. By the end of my adventures, I was suffering debilitating withdrawal symptoms all the time except for when I was actually drunk.
The other possibility that comes to mind is that your husband's periods of abstinence have become so brief that there isn't time for the withdrawal symptoms to develop. On other words, he's at least a little bit drunk all the time.
Same - I went for a few years when I didn't have many withdrawals. I did start to have shakes pretty bad. But could play it off for the most part. I may feel weak, a little sick, but fully functional. Then it progressed to scary. Wasn't sure if I could make it through the day without a seizure. Needed alcohol to try and taper. It will get worse. This IS progressive. Just because severe withdrawals are escaping him now, doesn't mean they aren't just around the corner. I also agree that maybe he hasn't drank for a day or so doesn't mean that the alcohol isn't still in his system enough to stave off withdrawals.
The other possibility that comes to mind is that your husband's periods of abstinence have become so brief that there isn't time for the withdrawal symptoms to develop. On other words, he's at least a little bit drunk all the time.
Same - I went for a few years when I didn't have many withdrawals. I did start to have shakes pretty bad. But could play it off for the most part. I may feel weak, a little sick, but fully functional. Then it progressed to scary. Wasn't sure if I could make it through the day without a seizure. Needed alcohol to try and taper. It will get worse. This IS progressive. Just because severe withdrawals are escaping him now, doesn't mean they aren't just around the corner. I also agree that maybe he hasn't drank for a day or so doesn't mean that the alcohol isn't still in his system enough to stave off withdrawals.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Mid-Atlantic states
Posts: 1,017
I had an alcoholic friend who never realized she had physical dependence simply because she always drank. But a couple of years ago, she had influenza and did not drink for four days and had a seizure. DTs happen only to about 5-10% of alcoholics, but other physiological symptoms (racing heart, etc) might not be visible to an observer but be felt by the person experiencing withdrawal. Mood changes and other psychological swings are the other side of the coin that are closely related to physical withdrawals in some, but not all, alcoholics.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I never had DTs, but I might have started to having seizures sometimes. Maybe 5 or so. The Dr. called them panic attacks maybe.
Anyway, my 2 cents on the topic is: eventually, he will have to quit. Booze is a neuro toxin that alters the minds ability to naturally cope. It is a depressant.
What seemed to escalate my debilitation was trying to start and stop. I would quit for 4 days, then drink for 10. I'd drink 1 to 27 depending on whatever.
Basically, it is a death spiral.
The addict will rationalize all of the physical/mental problems are caused by other things, knowing deep down that the drug, booze, is wrecking them.
It is a nightmare.
It is simply addiction. Nothing else.
Getting and staying clean was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was hell on earth.
Your man will not quit drinking until he is ready. The addict has to want to stop. It is too hard. Wanting to stop, more than life itself, is the only way to normalize.
It takes years.
Thanks.
Anyway, my 2 cents on the topic is: eventually, he will have to quit. Booze is a neuro toxin that alters the minds ability to naturally cope. It is a depressant.
What seemed to escalate my debilitation was trying to start and stop. I would quit for 4 days, then drink for 10. I'd drink 1 to 27 depending on whatever.
Basically, it is a death spiral.
The addict will rationalize all of the physical/mental problems are caused by other things, knowing deep down that the drug, booze, is wrecking them.
It is a nightmare.
It is simply addiction. Nothing else.
Getting and staying clean was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was hell on earth.
Your man will not quit drinking until he is ready. The addict has to want to stop. It is too hard. Wanting to stop, more than life itself, is the only way to normalize.
It takes years.
Thanks.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Delirium Tremens or DTs, are brought on by severe alcohol withdrawal. They can literally kill you. They can involve agitation, confusion, and hallucinations. Get immediate medical attention. I had a great grandfather who died from them within months of AA's first publication in 1939.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2023
Posts: 24
Thank you all for sharing your experience with me. I know I am just a spectator in this fight that my AH is having and my input will not change the game. I guess I am just working to see where he is on the scale of bad turns. I can hope it never happens but I can also be educated for when it does.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,978
Sounds like he has not yet gotten to the withdrawal stage. Basically, his body has enough alcohol in it so the withdrawals have yet to occur.......stopping abruptly can be lethal, even if the person is "just" drinking beers and not liquor (which can e wore for the human body.
Try searching for "The Immortal Alcoholic" website or the book (which is on her website). The author was married to an alcoholic.
Have you considred Al Anon for you to heal by working those 12 steps?
Try searching for "The Immortal Alcoholic" website or the book (which is on her website). The author was married to an alcoholic.
Have you considred Al Anon for you to heal by working those 12 steps?
The Dog
Join Date: Apr 2023
Location: Fly over state USA
Posts: 5,437
I have got a feeling he drinks as soon as he starts to feel like he is coming off it. It really is the only way to stop the hangover feelings. Problem is if one sustains that they will end up with liver damage that will kill them someday. I was to that point where I was drinking enoght to never really fully sober up and if I did begin to sober up I felt like crap and the only remedy to that was a few more shots of whiskey. I have not had a drink in over three weeks now and I am still at the point the only thing I need to stop my desire to drink is to think about how difficult that first week was. When you drink on a daily basis the first week is tough because basically you have a week long hangover.
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