chronic anxiety
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Join Date: Jun 2023
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chronic anxiety
My spouse uses drugs. I am filled with chronic anxiety wondering if he is using. If he uses, he becomes emotionally unstable. It's exhausting. He has been clean for two weeks, but I never know when he will break. I think he is using right now, as a matter of fact, and I am so stressed contemplating how I will have to handle it. I don't talk about this with friends. I don't think they would understand.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,669
Originally Posted by anonpartner 
My spouse uses drugs. I am filled with chronic anxiety wondering if he is using. If he uses, he becomes emotionally unstable. It's exhausting. He has been clean for two weeks, but I never know when he will break. I think he is using right now, as a matter of fact, and I am so stressed contemplating how I will have to handle it. I don't talk about this with friends. I don't think they would understand.
it’s entirely understandable and normal for you to experience these feelings while witnessing your loved one’s addiction.
this is a great place to vent, to learn and to develop some serenity for yourself and some compassion for your husband’s disease.
welcome
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,628
Welcome and I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sounds emotionally draining. The main thing, I think, is for you to focus on yourself. Your spouse needs to make a decision to stop using drugs, or not. Can you listen to some of your favourite music or go for a walk now? Take a break. If he becomes unstable, are you safe?
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,772
I'm sorry you are going through the sort of stress and anxiety that this can produce anonpartner.
The way you handle it is to try let it go. Understand that you have absolutely no control over it whatsoever. Understand that you have rights and needs as well, and to focus entirely upon your own well being. Yourself. 🌺
This does not mean you don't express your fears and feelings to him, but if all comes to nought you bring it back to yourself, and take care of the you that is suffering. That's not a big 'ask', hey?
I've just gone through a not too dissimilar experience myself. Trying to have someone change, when either they could not, or would not. Didn't matter in the end. Change was not happening whatever the case.
The letting go can be a painful process, but when you get there you will know that it's the very place you should be, the very place you should have always been. It feels good. And it feels right. And you will feel your anxiety drop.
And it does not mean you are being mean, or selfish. And, in intended or unintended ways, will help your partner.
It's a process anonpartner.
Have you dropped in on our Friends and Family forum yet? Talk with others going through similar. Just click on forums and scroll down to locate.
I wish you all of the very best anonpartner. You deserve it.
Edit: I could be wrong, but if you suspect he's using, he probably is.
The way you handle it is to try let it go. Understand that you have absolutely no control over it whatsoever. Understand that you have rights and needs as well, and to focus entirely upon your own well being. Yourself. 🌺
This does not mean you don't express your fears and feelings to him, but if all comes to nought you bring it back to yourself, and take care of the you that is suffering. That's not a big 'ask', hey?
I've just gone through a not too dissimilar experience myself. Trying to have someone change, when either they could not, or would not. Didn't matter in the end. Change was not happening whatever the case.
The letting go can be a painful process, but when you get there you will know that it's the very place you should be, the very place you should have always been. It feels good. And it feels right. And you will feel your anxiety drop.
And it does not mean you are being mean, or selfish. And, in intended or unintended ways, will help your partner.
It's a process anonpartner.
Have you dropped in on our Friends and Family forum yet? Talk with others going through similar. Just click on forums and scroll down to locate.
I wish you all of the very best anonpartner. You deserve it.
Edit: I could be wrong, but if you suspect he's using, he probably is.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi anonpartner. As Steely wisely points out, if you suspect he is using it is a good bet he is. Trust your instincts on that and please take care of yourself.
If this is an ongoing cycle and he doesn't want to quit and do the work to recover and get better, it might be time for you to start thinking about an exit strategy. What did you think your life would be like at this point? Think about the answers to that question and then start making a plan and taking steps to make those things happen.
Also, having played the part of your spouse in my situation, I can assure you that nothing you say or do will effect the course of his addiction. My drug of choice was far more important to me than any person in my life. In my darkest times I wanted all of them dead and gone so that it was just me and my booze. And the only person that had any real power to change that was me.
Your spouse will change if he really wants to and does the work to make that change. But please don't bet your life on that anonpartner. You can never get those years back.
If this is an ongoing cycle and he doesn't want to quit and do the work to recover and get better, it might be time for you to start thinking about an exit strategy. What did you think your life would be like at this point? Think about the answers to that question and then start making a plan and taking steps to make those things happen.
Also, having played the part of your spouse in my situation, I can assure you that nothing you say or do will effect the course of his addiction. My drug of choice was far more important to me than any person in my life. In my darkest times I wanted all of them dead and gone so that it was just me and my booze. And the only person that had any real power to change that was me.
Your spouse will change if he really wants to and does the work to make that change. But please don't bet your life on that anonpartner. You can never get those years back.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,847
The first person to worry about and care for is YOU. 
Having a spouse who uses is hard on your mind because you can never fully trust them. 
I would also ask, if he uses and gets aggressive, can you call 911, or a friend to come and get you? Keep yourself safe!
Having a spouse who uses is hard on your mind because you can never fully trust them. 
I would also ask, if he uses and gets aggressive, can you call 911, or a friend to come and get you? Keep yourself safe! Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,800
Steely, you have great advice for this situation. You can't do anything about what he is doing so you have to let it go, just make sure you are safe and have somewhere to go if he gets violent. Other than leaving him, there really isn't much you can do about him, but you can work on yourself with therapy, Al Anon, etc.
Best of luck with this very difficult situation, dear one. It's his life and unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. He's likely going to do what he wants to or feel he has to.
Best of luck with this very difficult situation, dear one. It's his life and unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. He's likely going to do what he wants to or feel he has to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,663
My advice would be to tell him to take care of himself, but you're done. Then run.
Either he will get sober and be happy, get sober and hate everything, or kill himself with drugs / alcohol.
As a recovering alcoholic, I personally don't want anyone in my life. I long ago realized I don't actually have friends anyway.
Either he will get sober and be happy, get sober and hate everything, or kill himself with drugs / alcohol.
As a recovering alcoholic, I personally don't want anyone in my life. I long ago realized I don't actually have friends anyway.
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