Feelings Validation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 132
Feelings Validation
Good early (really early) morning all.
I had posted a little bit ago about the rough time I've been having lately, and I've got to admit that it has not gotten much better since my original posting. I thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts, and experiences. I just needed to use this forum to vent a little further this morning just because of how rough of a go I'm having lately.
I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and when I finally quit drinking in February 2021, I stayed in the hospital for a week. That's where the diagnoses were given.
I sure did learn a lot in my second year of sobriety. The first year was more of just a blur, the fog was busy lifting, and there was a lot of it.
The reason I mentioned the above is mainly to let you know that I have depression, but it is being treated.
I quit my job in early March for a new opportunity at a new job at the end of March. That new job opportunity did not work out, and I left that second job at the beginning of April. After looking for work, my old job (the first one that I had resigned from) offered my old position back to me. While I was going through the onboarding process again, I had found a lump in my left breast and had a diagnostic mammogram, and an ultrasound. Nothing was found regarding that lump, but in my right breast they found some abnormalities that they wanted to perform a biopsy on. 5/10 - biopsy date, and I went. I was in the mammography machine and the incision was made, the needle was in, and I passed out from low blood pressure. They couldn't perform the biopsy and it's rescheduled for 5/18. So more waiting. I called my partner to explain what had happened, and he had totally forgotten that I even had a biopsy that day (5/10.) I was left hurt, and upset. Up until the biopsy date and even after I told him what had happened, he hadn't asked how I was doing, and I felt totally unsupported by him. We've spoken about this, but I'm still feeling as if I'm holding a resentment toward him for it.
Back up to last week, one of the toughest weeks I've had in sobriety. The week of the biopsy, AND the week I started feeling physically unwell. I was thinking that the insomnia that I started experiencing with the first job resignation was catching up with me. Turns out I had strep throat, and ended up having to call into work last Friday because of it. Yesterday, Mother's Day, while I was eating dinner with my folks, I noticed that I couldn't taste or smell the food, and it was totally all of a sudden. I had just had a cup of coffee, and was smelling the food that my dad was cooking. It was a matter of minutes before I couldn't taste or smell anything. I got home and tested positive for Covid. So, strep and Covid, and now some more insomnia. The insomnia is probably the worst I've ever had. I'll fall asleep and wake up an hour to two later, for HOURS. I'll fall back to sleep for an hour or so and then I'm up. I've been prescribed things in the past to help me sleep. I've tried using them (responsibly) but they haven't seemed to keep me asleep.
So, just to recap because I'm kind of in disbelief that I've just went through so much crap:
Job resignation
Very surprising situational depression started creeping in
Insomnia starts
New job that I had to quit
Job search
Get old job back
Found lump
Mammogram detects abnormalities
Biopsy but fainted so it needed to be rescheduled
Strep throat
Covid
More insomnia
Does this sound like an awful lot to you guys too, or am I just being dramatic? I'm really shocked that I'm going through what I consider to be quite a bit, and I'm still standing,
I had posted a little bit ago about the rough time I've been having lately, and I've got to admit that it has not gotten much better since my original posting. I thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts, and experiences. I just needed to use this forum to vent a little further this morning just because of how rough of a go I'm having lately.
I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and when I finally quit drinking in February 2021, I stayed in the hospital for a week. That's where the diagnoses were given.
I sure did learn a lot in my second year of sobriety. The first year was more of just a blur, the fog was busy lifting, and there was a lot of it.
The reason I mentioned the above is mainly to let you know that I have depression, but it is being treated.
I quit my job in early March for a new opportunity at a new job at the end of March. That new job opportunity did not work out, and I left that second job at the beginning of April. After looking for work, my old job (the first one that I had resigned from) offered my old position back to me. While I was going through the onboarding process again, I had found a lump in my left breast and had a diagnostic mammogram, and an ultrasound. Nothing was found regarding that lump, but in my right breast they found some abnormalities that they wanted to perform a biopsy on. 5/10 - biopsy date, and I went. I was in the mammography machine and the incision was made, the needle was in, and I passed out from low blood pressure. They couldn't perform the biopsy and it's rescheduled for 5/18. So more waiting. I called my partner to explain what had happened, and he had totally forgotten that I even had a biopsy that day (5/10.) I was left hurt, and upset. Up until the biopsy date and even after I told him what had happened, he hadn't asked how I was doing, and I felt totally unsupported by him. We've spoken about this, but I'm still feeling as if I'm holding a resentment toward him for it.
Back up to last week, one of the toughest weeks I've had in sobriety. The week of the biopsy, AND the week I started feeling physically unwell. I was thinking that the insomnia that I started experiencing with the first job resignation was catching up with me. Turns out I had strep throat, and ended up having to call into work last Friday because of it. Yesterday, Mother's Day, while I was eating dinner with my folks, I noticed that I couldn't taste or smell the food, and it was totally all of a sudden. I had just had a cup of coffee, and was smelling the food that my dad was cooking. It was a matter of minutes before I couldn't taste or smell anything. I got home and tested positive for Covid. So, strep and Covid, and now some more insomnia. The insomnia is probably the worst I've ever had. I'll fall asleep and wake up an hour to two later, for HOURS. I'll fall back to sleep for an hour or so and then I'm up. I've been prescribed things in the past to help me sleep. I've tried using them (responsibly) but they haven't seemed to keep me asleep.
So, just to recap because I'm kind of in disbelief that I've just went through so much crap:
Job resignation
Very surprising situational depression started creeping in
Insomnia starts
New job that I had to quit
Job search
Get old job back
Found lump
Mammogram detects abnormalities
Biopsy but fainted so it needed to be rescheduled
Strep throat
Covid
More insomnia
Does this sound like an awful lot to you guys too, or am I just being dramatic? I'm really shocked that I'm going through what I consider to be quite a bit, and I'm still standing,
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
No it sounds awful to me too - but the great thing - if there can be a 'great' thing in all this - is you're not thinking about drinking to deal with it.
That's pretty amazing.
One thing I've learned sober is these tough times will pass...but you can always vent here
You're not alone
D
That's pretty amazing.
One thing I've learned sober is these tough times will pass...but you can always vent here
You're not alone
D
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
That DOES sound difficult. I know everyone has nonsense, but there are certainly periods of more/less nonsense that we cycle through.
I find it very helpful to listen to other’s struggles as it puts my problems in perspective. They say, “If everyone stood in a circle and threw their problems in the middle, you’d likely pick yours right back up again and walk away.”
You might not want to pick all of your problems back up at this phase of the nonsense cycle! I wouldn’t. That’s understandable.
I’d encourage you to keep in mind that COVID can wreak havoc on sleep and mental health. I was an anxious, sleepless, miserable mess. That will hopefully improve for you very soon.
The job situation is a lot of change all at once, but it’s awesome that you have good relationships at work and secure employment.
There may be no relief from the biopsy anxiety until it’s completed. Perhaps the “do-over” offers your partner the opportunity to go with you for support/redemption?
It’s appropriate to feel overwhelmed, but there is light peeking through. You are doing great!
I find it very helpful to listen to other’s struggles as it puts my problems in perspective. They say, “If everyone stood in a circle and threw their problems in the middle, you’d likely pick yours right back up again and walk away.”
You might not want to pick all of your problems back up at this phase of the nonsense cycle! I wouldn’t. That’s understandable.
I’d encourage you to keep in mind that COVID can wreak havoc on sleep and mental health. I was an anxious, sleepless, miserable mess. That will hopefully improve for you very soon.
The job situation is a lot of change all at once, but it’s awesome that you have good relationships at work and secure employment.
There may be no relief from the biopsy anxiety until it’s completed. Perhaps the “do-over” offers your partner the opportunity to go with you for support/redemption?
It’s appropriate to feel overwhelmed, but there is light peeking through. You are doing great!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
I couldn't imagine walking through the male equivalent of what you're going through without the support of the fellowship, sponsorship, and spirituality that I find in Alcoholics Anonymous. If you haven't fully availed yourself of the Power that is available via that program, you might consider it.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
You are not being dramatic at all WindPines. I recognize you are overloaded emotionally/mentally/physically with your current circumstances. That is hard stuff to navigate for anybody. And harder as a comorbid addict in treatment even with 2 years sober.
I too have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety along with an addiction disorder. Good you have treatments to practice.
Thanking everything ODAAT is best for now. Put yourself to task and forget what is out of your control.
Say the serenity payers often. It will help you keep grounded as it dose the same for me.
Keep posting as needed. You will find no judgment here at SR and with me.
I too have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety along with an addiction disorder. Good you have treatments to practice.
Thanking everything ODAAT is best for now. Put yourself to task and forget what is out of your control.
Say the serenity payers often. It will help you keep grounded as it dose the same for me.
Keep posting as needed. You will find no judgment here at SR and with me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
WindPines, you're right that you have a lot going on at the moment. I hope the biopsy on the 18th goes smoothly for you and that will be done. Having strep and covid at the same time must be brutal so I really hope that you feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Thanks for reaching out, WinPines - it is important that you did that, especially with not great support at home.
You are doing an amazing job of handling all of these issues at once. You are strong and resilient! Your sobriety is solid.
For now, just get as much rest as you can, hydrate, and eat well. Back to basics for now. Tackle the other stuff later.
You will get through this, and come out even stronger.
You are doing an amazing job of handling all of these issues at once. You are strong and resilient! Your sobriety is solid.
For now, just get as much rest as you can, hydrate, and eat well. Back to basics for now. Tackle the other stuff later.
You will get through this, and come out even stronger.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 526
I am so sorry you are going through that right now. I also have been diagnosed with anxiety and when I had covid in february it made my anxiety so much worse...it felt like a fog that I couldn't get out of. Be patient with yourself... Good job on staying sober while you are going through so much.
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