DriGuy

Does recovery start when you quit drinking, or does it start after you make it through the cravings? Or does it start two years before when you admit you have a problem and begin to exhaust all the strategies for controlling your drinking? Or does it start someplace else? Maybe 6 months or a year after your last drink when you make it through that crazy belief that you can now drink safely?

Allen Carr implies it begins when you accept that all your reasons for drinking are myths, at which time you take a ceremonial last drink, and you can “Quit Drinking the Easy Way.” It may be like that for some, but it sure wasn’t for me. It was easy only after what I consider the “heavy lifting” was over, and I finally understood my myths about why I drank.

Truly, I did recognize all my drinking myths, but not until later in recovery, when I could see them with a clear head along with some actual experience with sobriety under my belt. I had to struggle first, and it was brutal, although only for a week or two. Once I accepted those truths, sure, things were easy. But I went through a lot before then.

I put the beginning of my recovery at the moment I embraced the knowledge that I could never drink again. That‘s where I mark my beginning, but it’s not like that was all I had to do. And I struggled to finally get to that point, and a bit more after that. I admit, I wasted a lot of time an energy to get there, but it seems like I had to do those things first to finally accept it wasn’t going to be easy as I would like. But I don’t think it can all be done by intellectually coming to grips with our mythical thinking about why we drink, because there is also a physical component that must be dealt with.

Now it’s true that I’ve met alcoholics who say they just quit and that was that. I don’t think they are lying about this, but I do speculate they are omitting some important details, but then maybe not. Maybe they took the “Keep it simple” advice to its ultimate simplicity, and skipped all the hard work.

So when does recovery start? I don’t think I’ve ever read a consensus of universal agreement at where on the timeline recovery actually begins. I doubt there is a consensus, but I’m thinking most of us have a point on our personal timeline where we had a special insight, maybe the final insight that broke the addictions back and started a proper journey. Maybe it was a slow coalescing of experience and knowledge with a very blurred beginning, or something else. Where did your recovery begin?

Obladi

I think my recovery began when I stumbled on the SMART Recovery website while looking for some other kind of emotional help/guidance. Although things got worse - much worse - after that, this is when the scales fell from my eyes and I could see that my drinking was truly problematic. That was somewhere around 13 years ago, but it's by no means when I got sober.

There do seem to be a fair number of 'first nighters' ("I came to AA and I never drank again.") out there, but that sure doesn't jive with my experience, either. People who read Annie Grace or her predecessor, Allen Carr, then just gave up the drink - I envy them but am very glad for them as well. I wouldn't wish further descent into the hell of addiction on anyone.

A speaker at my last rehab said, "Recovery isn't usually a straight line; it's zig-zaggy."
In a peer recovery coach class, I was taught, "Recovery is whatever you say it is."

I agree wholeheartedly with the rehab speaker. The peer recovery instruction is a little more difficult to swallow, but I think that's because of our tendency to want to define what recovery 'should' look like based on our own experiences or ideals. I do know that every time I hear someone say, "S/he just doesn't get it" or "That isn't real recovery," it grates on me. Which is interesting, right? I think I know what 'real' recovery looks like on other people, but I sure don't want anyone else to define it for me. I think the point of "whatever you say it is" - it's that each individual needs to find their own way. Sure, we all know the single thing to do is to stop drinking/using, but many of us also know that it ain't just that easy. It's both frustrating and fascinating that one size definitely does not fit all.

ToughChoices

What a great and timely question, DriGuy!


Today marks one year into my recovery journey. For me, it started when I admitted my problem to my spouse, my employer, my friend, and my family. I asked for help because I was stuck, confused, and full of shame. AA welcomed me. I started learning.

It’s been a year since I started walking in sobriety, but I tripped and fell a little over 2 months ago. That’s when my awakening happened. That’s when my desire for drugs/alcohol was removed and my burden was eased. That’s when I understood, at last, all of the lies that substances tell me, and the TRUTH that I am ENOUGH without them.

My weary trudge turned into a brisk skip! My HP has my back! If I do the (sometimes difficult but always worth it) work, I will stay grounded and growing. I’ll become more of who I was designed to be.

But transformation, for me, only occurred after a period of “just doing what I was told.” I can see now that my first several months of sobriety were a period in which the soil of my heart was being made ready. I was being prepared. So I think my recovery began then. My awakening took a bit longer.

Hodd

Great question, Dri.

I think there were a couple of stand out moments for me. I had to register with an addiction agency to be prescribed Campril. I spoke to a nice person on the phone who near the end of the call said, “Good luck with your recovery”. I’d never heard that before. A few months later, I finally got it that quitting 100% was the only way. For me, it was that change in mindset that marked the start of recovery. I still had to go through withdrawals and cravings, but it was different that time. Before I’d always assumed I’d drink again on occasions or “moderately”.

DriGuy

Yes, if there were to be any consensus on where recovery starts, we would have to agree on what recovery is. I could have included that in my first post, but I made the all too often assumumption that words we use mean the same to others. And it's not uncommon to hear, "He may have stopped drinking, but he isn't really sober." That's a hard judgement to make with a great degree of accuracy. And I've actually heard that. So to answer the question in the thread, you have to consider what recovery means to you, not necessarily what someone else thinks.

DriGuy

There's phenomenon in learning that I have noticed that I've never read about, and as far as I know there is no name for it. It's the phenomenon of already knowing something, but then suddenly really knowing it. I've had several of those in recovery, and that change in mindset of suddenly really knowing it was always a significant turning point. In this case, most of us have heard that alcoholics can never drink again. We learned that, and we filed it in our memory banks, but never gave it much thought. We just go on about our business as if it's not really that important.

DriGuy

We alcoholics can be a stubborn lot, much like the proverbial mule. Sometimes we have to told over and over again, before we stop clinging to some of our old habits, ideas, and beliefs.

Zencat

Wonderful topic Dri

"Rehabilitation is defined as “a set of interventions designed to optimize functioning and reduce disability in individuals with health conditions in interaction with their environment” - WHO

Recovery or as I say my 'wellness practice' started with a truth. I can no longer drink/drug due to mental. emotional, physical and spiritual-ish because I was in serious distress and sinking into the abyss fast. Truth is hard to swallow sometimes. I can be a shock to the system, an awakening, a final realization that if I don't stop my drinking/drugging I'm doomed. This is the mental part.

The action part of starting in recovery is the physical work. Meetings, practice recover tools like step work, DBT, AVRT, CBT, REBT, therapy and the like. This stage is where I act first and let the improved mood follow. I may have to drag my raggey arse to a meeting in a most reluctant and fowl mood time and time again until the fog lifts. Then after some sobriety work lo and behold I start to feel better. Wafting for a good mood before I want to do some recovery work is total fail. At this stage the thinking game needs to be K.I.S.S.

Maintenance and growth part of recovery. Now with some time (I have 181 today) Discussions like this, a search for meaning in life, exploration of healthy habits, dream, follow your bliss. Turn that wonderful mind loose on the world. Discover new ways to heal further, help others heal. Find your truths and live by them.

biminiblue

Anamnesis? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anamnesis_(philosophy)

...or have I gone several layers deeper? I have an almost mystical attachment to anamnesis. It's a magical thing.

I'm not sure that's what you are talking about, what I'm reading from you is just plain old alcoholics' denial. That ish is hard to break through, and especially when the alcohol does its job - to blank out the mind. Things just don't work, biologically. Hard to find logic when the mind is not working properly.

brighterday1234

Once I started acting and thinking differently to how I did before. This was a real conscious effort in the early days but became the new normal over time 🙏

DriGuy

OK, so there is a word for it then, with a whole set of philosophies to go with it, no less. I guess that doesn't surprise me. But most of those do go "several layers deeper" that my experience. Mostly for me, it is in revisiting my known knowledge in a new light, but sometimes one layer deeper in exploring things I intuitively know, but have never before examined. And yes, sometimes the experience does seem magical, almost like what you experience if given from an outside source, although I would actually attribute it to something in the subconscious crossing over into the conscious mind.

DriGuy

Work! I have a hard time buying into the idea that there is an easy way to stop drinking. Some ways are far easier than others, but it does require effort. The saving grace for me was that the effort was exciting. Some things required forced practice (letting go of my resentments), but the solutions for that and similar problems were so satisfying that even if they were not "easy", they were surprisingly nowhere near "impossible," as I once may have thought.

DriGuy

Underline "acting." It's closely related to thinking and can influence thinking more than we realize. This was one of those things I already knew, but suddenly really knew at some point in recovery. We can't just think our way to recovery. We need that of course, but we MUST also act our way to recovery.

nez

Recovery started for me, when in sobriety I began to look at how and what led me to became alcoholic; and took corrective actions to change my thought processes and the subsequent actions and behavior of those thought processes.

Tailai

Recovery began for me when I realized moderation wasn't possible. Seven years ago, I was sober 7 months, tried to moderate, then 8 months, tried again to drink "normally", even going so far as having my wife hide the vodka from me, bring it out at night, then hide it again, which was totally pathetic. Far from moderation, it just got worse. At the end I was drinking from the time I got up until the time I went to "bed", that is to say "passed out". But it was an education. I had to learn for myself. I needed to take drinking completely off the table and that was the key for me.

MLD51

the phenomenon of already knowing something, but then suddenly really knowing it.

I always say my recovery began when suddenly really knew I was an alcoholic and that I would never be able to drink again. I had an ah-ha moment as I was being arrested for yet another DUI. I'd say the first DUI taught me absolutely nothing. I was not yet in the deepest throes of alcoholism, and in fact, I went several years after that moderating somewhat successfully. Got married, had another baby, was kinda happy. Didn't drink daily, really held it to a few drinks a week. (looking back, of course, I was already an alcoholic and had been for some time.)

Second DUI, 13 years later, things had devolved pretty far and I began to admit to myself things were nearly out of control and I'd have to look hard at my drinking. I managed to reign things in for a bit, just enough so that I could sort of convince myself things would be OK. Sort of. But always, in the back of my mind, was the voice telling me I was going to have to face up to it, sooner or later. I made some plans for how to recover. But I was in a bargaining phase. "If I only drink 3 drinks at a time, I'm not an alcoholic." "If I only drink on weekends and one other day a week, I'm not an alcoholic." "If I can go a whole week without drinking, I'm not an alcoholic." "If I can drink but not drive, that solves the problem." I did all of that. Until I didn't.

Third DUI came less than two years after the second one. That night, while I was being booked, I suddenly REALLY KNEW. I really knew I was, indeed, an alcoholic, that I could never drink again, and that I could and would recover. It seemed like a thunderbolt, but it wasn't. It was just the moment of pulling it all together -- the pieces of this knowledge were all there in my mind already.

Next day, I put my recovery into action. Got myself set up with an appointment with my doctor. Got an appointment for intake for treatment (IOP). Called a sober friend and asked him to take me to an AA meeting. See, I already knew what needed to be done. I just needed that moment of really knowing.

Have not had a drink since.

Offthemast

Bear in mind I'm a newb and this answer can and prob will change. Sobriety began day 1 and recovery began the minute I walked into a meeting despite my misgivings bc I knew I'd fail trying solo and I needed to work on me.

DriGuy

It might change, but not necessarily. I suspect others that ended up going "long term" may have started their recovery in that exact same place. You will have some surprises ahead, pleasant ones I believe, from taking on unexpected challenges and the like. There probably will be something that will give you a deeper insight that could change your perspective. Recovery is filled with those kinds of things.

DriGuy

I don't really know what hitting rock bottom is or exactly where it is, but is sounds like your bottom was an unusually hard landing and a rude awakening. But from what I can tell, you've done a remarkable job since then.

I got a DUI that played a role in my self understanding too, and I went through some of the same failed strategies to deal with it, control, not driving after I had been drinking, but I wasn't doing the right things. I didn't commit to life long sobriety until a year later. So from the DUI on, I just tried to drink less, to see what would happen, I guess. I didn't have a plan other than I was going to try to drink less and hope something good would happen. Nothing happened, and I didn't drink less, but in my attempts to control my drinking I did come face to face with the fact that I had a serious problem.

I knew it was at least a bit of a problem by the time my court date came around. The judge fined me, took my driver's license and issued some restricted license that would get me to my job and to the grocery store, assigned me to in house arrest where I wore one of those ankle devices so they could track me, and every thing he did to me I had to cough up my own money just to be punished. Finally, he sent me to a month of drunk school, which I also paid for. I had a good standing in the community, and judge even apologized for the drunk school saying, "I know you don't need it, but it's just a legal requirement that I have to give to everyone."

While he was saying that, I thought to myself, "He doesn't really know me well enough, but I think I actually need to do that one thing," and it was the one thing in that court appearance that actually gave me a little bitty ray of hope. But still another year would pass until I realized I needed to, and committed to... never drinking again. And that year was the worst one of my drinking life. I drank more than ever, and felt remorse all the time until I finally decided to quit, and then things changed fast.

DriGuy

I think that moderation thing is something most of us go through. It's a waste of time, but we all have to try it and fail, and some of us fail at it for years.