Guest brought alcohol (I didn't have any)
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 280
Guest brought alcohol (I didn't have any)
Last night we had about ten people over to celebrate the Lunar New Year. Happy year of the rabbit, everyone! May the coming year bring you peace and prosperity.
One guest, who didn't know us very well, brought a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne.
I had a plan, and I stuck to it, and everything worked well. The guy who brought the champagne suggested we toast the new year. I brought out the glasses and I served; that way, I could be in charge of not giving myself a drink (or even an empty glass).
I knew I was around "normies" because the people who drank each had an inch or so of champagne, and nobody took a refill, and we otherwise didn't serve any alcohol and nobody seemed to care. The bottle of wine went unopened and nobody cared about that, either. And nobody cared that I didn't have any champagne myself.
This was the first time since I stopped drinking in 2021 that we had an open container of alcohol in the home. (My partner drinks about an inch of wine once or twice a year, but hasn't had any since I stopped drinking a year and a half ago.)
After dinner, the toddlers played, the guests chatted, and we exchanged red envelopes.
In another life (or just two years ago, lol), I would have used this as an opportunity to sneak down to the basement and drink 10 times what everyone else was having. My thought process would have been: the guests are drinking champagne, and this allows and normalizes my drinking behavior; I would have snuck off to the basement and opened an entire bottle and had that all to myself. After all, if everyone had a sip, then they couldn't smell it on me, right? And they couldn't blame me, right? And they wouldn't know, right?
So yeah, I thought about that. Not like I wanted to do it, but the thought (memory?) was present in my mind, like an uninvited guest to the party.
It was helpful and reassuring to see that nobody really drank. It's helpful to see what "normal" drinking is like. And it was helpful and reassuring to see that nobody seemed to care that I wasn't drinking.
Today is the day after. The dishes are long since done and the kitchen is clean and it's a normal Sunday. I didn't drink last night, so I don't have a hangover and I don't have to worry about whether I was caught.
It will probably be at least another year before there's open alcohol in the home again--maybe longer than that, if we only invite our close friends over.
If there's any reason for me posting this, it's to share that I had a plan and it worked. I decided beforehand that I wasn't going to drink, and so when the acquaintance arrived with the champagne, there was no choice to make. The choice had already been made.
One guest, who didn't know us very well, brought a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne.
I had a plan, and I stuck to it, and everything worked well. The guy who brought the champagne suggested we toast the new year. I brought out the glasses and I served; that way, I could be in charge of not giving myself a drink (or even an empty glass).
I knew I was around "normies" because the people who drank each had an inch or so of champagne, and nobody took a refill, and we otherwise didn't serve any alcohol and nobody seemed to care. The bottle of wine went unopened and nobody cared about that, either. And nobody cared that I didn't have any champagne myself.
This was the first time since I stopped drinking in 2021 that we had an open container of alcohol in the home. (My partner drinks about an inch of wine once or twice a year, but hasn't had any since I stopped drinking a year and a half ago.)
After dinner, the toddlers played, the guests chatted, and we exchanged red envelopes.
In another life (or just two years ago, lol), I would have used this as an opportunity to sneak down to the basement and drink 10 times what everyone else was having. My thought process would have been: the guests are drinking champagne, and this allows and normalizes my drinking behavior; I would have snuck off to the basement and opened an entire bottle and had that all to myself. After all, if everyone had a sip, then they couldn't smell it on me, right? And they couldn't blame me, right? And they wouldn't know, right?
So yeah, I thought about that. Not like I wanted to do it, but the thought (memory?) was present in my mind, like an uninvited guest to the party.
It was helpful and reassuring to see that nobody really drank. It's helpful to see what "normal" drinking is like. And it was helpful and reassuring to see that nobody seemed to care that I wasn't drinking.
Today is the day after. The dishes are long since done and the kitchen is clean and it's a normal Sunday. I didn't drink last night, so I don't have a hangover and I don't have to worry about whether I was caught.
It will probably be at least another year before there's open alcohol in the home again--maybe longer than that, if we only invite our close friends over.
If there's any reason for me posting this, it's to share that I had a plan and it worked. I decided beforehand that I wasn't going to drink, and so when the acquaintance arrived with the champagne, there was no choice to make. The choice had already been made.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
I'm glad you had a plan and stuck to it Radix.
Personally though my house is a 'dry' house - it started when I needed it to be, and now I want it that way by choice.
I've never missed it, and neither have my guests.
D
Personally though my house is a 'dry' house - it started when I needed it to be, and now I want it that way by choice.
I've never missed it, and neither have my guests.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,937
Well done, Radix. A solid plan in place works well. However, in the future, you may want to remind your guests that you enjoy an alcohol-free home.
I am glad to hear that you had a festive and sober celebration.
May the year bring you many blessings.
I am glad to hear that you had a festive and sober celebration.
May the year bring you many blessings.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 749
Kind of my sense of humor to mess with normal people. Oh no, don't touch that drink, you're going to get arrested! Only if I know them really well of course. Knowing arrest is actually quite possible if I'm the one picking up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: west falls, ny
Posts: 603
Good post Radix.
I don't keep alcohol in my house either,
But if a guest showed up not knowing and brought a bottle of champagne, I would probably feel awkward saying something depending upon the situation.
I don't feel the personal temptation would be that great for me .
But I understand also that it could be a good plan to have some sort of graceful declining statement handy for in the future.
You handled things well tho.
I don't keep alcohol in my house either,
But if a guest showed up not knowing and brought a bottle of champagne, I would probably feel awkward saying something depending upon the situation.
I don't feel the personal temptation would be that great for me .
But I understand also that it could be a good plan to have some sort of graceful declining statement handy for in the future.
You handled things well tho.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,978
Sounds like the rest of your friends are a very good bunch, Radix. They enjoyed the good food and company and couldn’t have cared less about alcohol. Sounded like a really good time apart from the stress of the unwanted alcohol. Even that was a well-meaning gesture from the one person. Good plan on pouring the drinks too 👍
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,434
My wife used to always have a couple of apple ciders in the fridge although she rarely ever drank them. There haven't been any around for some time now.
Her friend always brings a bottle of something over when we watch football. It doesn't bother me at all, but it seems quite ridiculous to not be able to watch a football game at a friend's house without dragging along a bottle of whiskey. I was the same for most of my life though.
Her friend always brings a bottle of something over when we watch football. It doesn't bother me at all, but it seems quite ridiculous to not be able to watch a football game at a friend's house without dragging along a bottle of whiskey. I was the same for most of my life though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
I hope you fully enjoyed your clear mind Radix.
There is always alcohol in my house. My husband drinks on weekends. Friends who come regularly also drink every now and then. Alcohol is everywhere and it does not bother me, because I always drank when nobody could see me and never touched the visible bottles. I had my own hidden in very specific locations (mainly laundry cupboard typical 'mum's' hideout).
I obviously do not advocate for doing one thing or another and probably I would have found it easier when I quit (3 and a half years ago) not to have any around. If I live alone or with someone who did not drink I would not have any at all. However, it is always us who decide, not the drink.
It is a wonderful feeling when you can act accordingly with a clear sober head and all the pride it deserves afterwards
There is always alcohol in my house. My husband drinks on weekends. Friends who come regularly also drink every now and then. Alcohol is everywhere and it does not bother me, because I always drank when nobody could see me and never touched the visible bottles. I had my own hidden in very specific locations (mainly laundry cupboard typical 'mum's' hideout).
I obviously do not advocate for doing one thing or another and probably I would have found it easier when I quit (3 and a half years ago) not to have any around. If I live alone or with someone who did not drink I would not have any at all. However, it is always us who decide, not the drink.
It is a wonderful feeling when you can act accordingly with a clear sober head and all the pride it deserves afterwards
Not a native English speaker
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Latin Europe
Posts: 152
Hi Radix, good for you you stick to your plan.
Yesterday I had a family lunch with plenty of wine and beer. I had a glass of water. The smell of beer right next to me was making me nauseous... did I became alcohol-scent intolerant? I hope so.
In the near future, I'll have dinner at my own place and will be serving alcohol, probably beer. It will be strange for the guests that are used to drink beer along with me to be served beer while I'll be drinking water. That will be interesting. I hope it won't be the main topic of conversation during dinner.
Yesterday I had a family lunch with plenty of wine and beer. I had a glass of water. The smell of beer right next to me was making me nauseous... did I became alcohol-scent intolerant? I hope so.
In the near future, I'll have dinner at my own place and will be serving alcohol, probably beer. It will be strange for the guests that are used to drink beer along with me to be served beer while I'll be drinking water. That will be interesting. I hope it won't be the main topic of conversation during dinner.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
You did good sticking to your plan Radix.
Like Dee and Anna, I keep a dry house.
When my husband was healthier, he would go once a week to have a couple of drinks with his friends at a lounge which is also an Italian restaurant. He didn't keep alcohol at home before meeting me either. He has never seen me drunk.
Lots of people who are not alcoholics keep a dry house.
A few times, someone gifted me/us a bottle of wine. I thanked them, then donated it to the senior center the same day.
My husband is ill so we do not entertain but my plan would be if a guest brought some wine to ask them to take it home with them because it would just take space in my kitchen.
Edited to add: I think it all comes down to knowing yourself, your triggers and being very honest with yourself. Like in my case, I drank alone. Having someone drink when sharing a meal doesn't tempt me at all and I went quite a few times to the lounge with Jeff to have a soda and some antipasta.
If I had been a bar drinker, I would have avoided the place like the plague LOL
On another hand, because I drank alone, having an open bottle after dark in the house would
put me in the danger zone. I have been sober for a while now and have an almost non existent AV but I don't want to tempt fate.
Like Dee and Anna, I keep a dry house.
When my husband was healthier, he would go once a week to have a couple of drinks with his friends at a lounge which is also an Italian restaurant. He didn't keep alcohol at home before meeting me either. He has never seen me drunk.
Lots of people who are not alcoholics keep a dry house.
A few times, someone gifted me/us a bottle of wine. I thanked them, then donated it to the senior center the same day.
My husband is ill so we do not entertain but my plan would be if a guest brought some wine to ask them to take it home with them because it would just take space in my kitchen.
Edited to add: I think it all comes down to knowing yourself, your triggers and being very honest with yourself. Like in my case, I drank alone. Having someone drink when sharing a meal doesn't tempt me at all and I went quite a few times to the lounge with Jeff to have a soda and some antipasta.
If I had been a bar drinker, I would have avoided the place like the plague LOL
On another hand, because I drank alone, having an open bottle after dark in the house would
put me in the danger zone. I have been sober for a while now and have an almost non existent AV but I don't want to tempt fate.
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