Stepping Into Belief
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,699
Stepping Into Belief
AHA!!!
I’m active in AA and have found the program lifesaving. It has connected me with a group of hardworking, loving, compassionate people who want the very best for me. Working the 12 Steps has freed me from the immense burden of shame that I’ve been silently dragging around for years (no wonder I was always so tired!), but my recovery is certainly still a work in progress.
Recently, I’ve been rubbing circles in the carpet of my mind, walking round and round with anxiety about returning to work in my previous profession. Will I be able to maintain my sobriety in the midst of temptation? Will it even be tempting (right now it is largely just terrifying!)? How can I know that I’m capable?
I’ve been anxious and on edge. I’m trying to work through all of the “what if’s”. I’ve been operating under the illusion that I can think/plan my way through this, but, underneath it all, I know that I am an addict. As such, how can I be trusted?
How can I ever be free?
And then I had a lightning bolt ⚡️ moment of realization that Step 2 - “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” - promises that I will be restored. That I am restored.
That I am free.
Not because I have everything all figured out, but because my higher power is accomplishing that which I cannot.
I had previously spoken and studied step 2, but it turns out that verbalizing belief is different than living in faith.
If I stop my twisting mind and breathe in the belief that I have found an answer to my insanity, I can step confidently ahead. Worry accomplishes nothing. In fact, it undermines my recovery, as it tries to insist that I have control.
If I want to proceed with confidence, then I must trust fully that my higher power has relieved me of my burden. It is no longer my responsibility to carry that load alone.
I appreciate all of my friends in AA and here on SR who walk beside me. You are a blessing and your wisdom eases my struggle.
Much love and gratitude from your recently restored to sanity TC!
I’m active in AA and have found the program lifesaving. It has connected me with a group of hardworking, loving, compassionate people who want the very best for me. Working the 12 Steps has freed me from the immense burden of shame that I’ve been silently dragging around for years (no wonder I was always so tired!), but my recovery is certainly still a work in progress.
Recently, I’ve been rubbing circles in the carpet of my mind, walking round and round with anxiety about returning to work in my previous profession. Will I be able to maintain my sobriety in the midst of temptation? Will it even be tempting (right now it is largely just terrifying!)? How can I know that I’m capable?
I’ve been anxious and on edge. I’m trying to work through all of the “what if’s”. I’ve been operating under the illusion that I can think/plan my way through this, but, underneath it all, I know that I am an addict. As such, how can I be trusted?
How can I ever be free?
And then I had a lightning bolt ⚡️ moment of realization that Step 2 - “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” - promises that I will be restored. That I am restored.
That I am free.
Not because I have everything all figured out, but because my higher power is accomplishing that which I cannot.
I had previously spoken and studied step 2, but it turns out that verbalizing belief is different than living in faith.
If I stop my twisting mind and breathe in the belief that I have found an answer to my insanity, I can step confidently ahead. Worry accomplishes nothing. In fact, it undermines my recovery, as it tries to insist that I have control.
If I want to proceed with confidence, then I must trust fully that my higher power has relieved me of my burden. It is no longer my responsibility to carry that load alone.
I appreciate all of my friends in AA and here on SR who walk beside me. You are a blessing and your wisdom eases my struggle.
Much love and gratitude from your recently restored to sanity TC!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
YES! Great post! This resonates very deeply with me.
I had major struggles with this for quite some time. I still do, to a lesser degree. I think people tend to blow past step 2, especially non-religious people like myself. I paid step 2 lip service when I worked the steps at first. "Sure, sure, I surrender control, blah blah blah." To be sure, I knew the value of this step immediately, but putting it into real practice came much much later. I really didn't let go of my habit of trying to control absolutely everything for some time. Did I understand that I was powerless over alcohol? Absolutely -- and I was willing to turn my life over to a higher power -- I wanted my sanity restored! But a big part of me resisted -- not being a church or God person was a stumbling block for me for a while. I had to define my higher power, and become comfortable with releasing things into the universe.
For me, working Step 2 has been just about the most important part of my recovery. My desire to control may have been exactly what kept me drinking so long. Weird, because the act of drinking caused me to lose control of so much. A paradox. A big part of why I drank was because I felt such pain that things weren't the way they were "supposed to be" in my life. That I wasn't able to be perfect, that my life was messy and often really difficult, and that I seemed to make the wrong decisions a lot. I drank to relieve the pressure, to forget my worries for a bit, to escape from the constant noise in my head that told me I was failing, not a good person, maybe even a bad person. All because I didn't feel like I had enough CONTROL.
So for me, the key to not just sobriety, but a happier, calmer life, is the ability to LET THINGS GO. To let my higher power take care of stuff. To realize there is little that I can actually control, and that worrying about that which I have no power over is only going to hold me back and keep me stuck. When I realized how often I was own worst enemy, gave myself some grace, and forgave myself for that messy life, things really began to feel different. I still have to remind myself every single day to put this into practice. But it's "practice, not perfection," right? Yep. Living step 2 really is the key to freedom, I think.
I had major struggles with this for quite some time. I still do, to a lesser degree. I think people tend to blow past step 2, especially non-religious people like myself. I paid step 2 lip service when I worked the steps at first. "Sure, sure, I surrender control, blah blah blah." To be sure, I knew the value of this step immediately, but putting it into real practice came much much later. I really didn't let go of my habit of trying to control absolutely everything for some time. Did I understand that I was powerless over alcohol? Absolutely -- and I was willing to turn my life over to a higher power -- I wanted my sanity restored! But a big part of me resisted -- not being a church or God person was a stumbling block for me for a while. I had to define my higher power, and become comfortable with releasing things into the universe.
For me, working Step 2 has been just about the most important part of my recovery. My desire to control may have been exactly what kept me drinking so long. Weird, because the act of drinking caused me to lose control of so much. A paradox. A big part of why I drank was because I felt such pain that things weren't the way they were "supposed to be" in my life. That I wasn't able to be perfect, that my life was messy and often really difficult, and that I seemed to make the wrong decisions a lot. I drank to relieve the pressure, to forget my worries for a bit, to escape from the constant noise in my head that told me I was failing, not a good person, maybe even a bad person. All because I didn't feel like I had enough CONTROL.
So for me, the key to not just sobriety, but a happier, calmer life, is the ability to LET THINGS GO. To let my higher power take care of stuff. To realize there is little that I can actually control, and that worrying about that which I have no power over is only going to hold me back and keep me stuck. When I realized how often I was own worst enemy, gave myself some grace, and forgave myself for that messy life, things really began to feel different. I still have to remind myself every single day to put this into practice. But it's "practice, not perfection," right? Yep. Living step 2 really is the key to freedom, I think.
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,699
Originally Posted by MLD51 
When I realized how often I was own worst enemy, gave myself some grace, and forgave myself for that messy life, things really began to feel different. I still have to remind myself every single day to put this into practice. But it's "practice, not perfection," right? Yep. Living step 2 really is the key to freedom, I think.
But freedom from my addiction only occurs when I ACCEPT and turn over the struggle. I am not big enough, smart enough, or strong enough to do it alone. Thankfully, I don't have to do it alone!
If I truly believe that my HP is lovingly working to improve my life, I will strive to be grateful for the trials I encounter. I will work to see the benefits instead of the faults. I will trust that my challenges will be resolved in positive ways. I will strive to understand that my view of sanity and peace is short-sighted in comparison to my HP's view. I will pray that my vision will be better aligned with that of my HP, so that I may better appreciate His orchestration of my life.
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,699
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Get through step 7 a.s.a.p.!
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