Mavericks

One thing I'm really struggling with at the moment is loneliness.
Drinking always helped me feel comfortable being alone. It's strange as by most it's used as a social drug but for me I loved being alone. Quite often I'd enjoy sitting in a pub alone and watching the world go by.
I've felt really sad the past few days. I've not felt quite so sad for a while. I know drinking would be a horrible trade off as I do feel it would help with the loneliness but I know all the hell it would bring with it. So I don't intend to drink.
Sometimes I would want to be social and drinking at the pub has always opened doors for me as I've got a lot of life experience and am an open person. I'd meet people who would offer me jobs, invite me out on trips, to parties, tell me great stories, offer assistance with projects I have going on etc. Without alcohol a lot of that won't happen anymore. I have quite bad social anxiety but with alcohol all that would go away.

I have no intention of drinking but the feeling of loneliness is hurting and worrying me. I had chronic depression in my 20's. That finally got resolved throughout my early 30's and if it ever came back I don't think I could do it all again. These feelings remind me too much of that time.
I've seen friends this weekend and enjoyed myself but the feelings haven't been diminished by those interactions.
I guess I just need to be patient and understand this is all part of the early process of being sober.
I wanted to voice my feelings and be honest that the temptation to fantasize about drinking, to alleviate these feelings is there right now.
Thanks

Anna

Mavericks, I'm glad you know that drinking would not help your situation. Dealing with these emotions is part of the process of healing and I'm sure things will improve. Can you think of other ways to socialize and meet people other than at the pub? Volunteer work was what helped me. I found a great opportunity just as I began my sobriety journey. I met some of the most wonderful people I have ever known and made some great friendships.

nez

Today I am comfortable in my own skin. It took a bit of discomfort to get to this point of where I finally know comfort.

zenithboy88

Hi Maverick,
. Yes, loneliness is my number one issue too. I bet a good deal of folks on SR have that problem.
Pretty common with us alcoholics.
I'm a widower and retired, too top of off, I'm somewhat lazy.
The easy thing to do is drink all day.
Then feel guilty, crappy and worried about crazy texts I might've sent out.
Then start all over again.
I do have plans that I will try to start this week.
Ride my excerize bike , watch some helpful videos( work on learn spanish and quiting drinking.
I need to put a radio antenna back up this week while weather is good. I have a ham license and like tinkering with antique radios and morse code contacts(it's hard to think of much else when brain is busy copying code!)
Also, I'll do some hiking and snowshoeing in winter.
Anyhow what I'm saying is that it helps to find activities to take the place of pubs.
And yes, I know it takes some forcing yourself to do them at first anyway.
Best wishes to you. Don't give up

advbike

Good job, Mavericks - it will get easier. I'm an introvert, and used alcohol for decades to relieve social anxiety and make loneliness tolerable. Except then it removes the impetus for change. Even when I would stop for some period of time, I found I could socialize sober but then I would drink afterward to relieve the anxiety. It went away after a year or two of sobriety but loneliness is never easy and being in a long distance relationship now, I experience a lot of that. I imagine it is a huge reason some of us keep slipping. Volunteering is fine (I do some) but sometimes what we are missing is the core need for physical and emotional intimacy. Not many substitutes for that, although I do find 3-4 long and hard workouts a week really helps, along with just getting out and being around people. And finding a non-drinker to date makes life so much better, just make sure you are solid in your recovery first or the emotions can trip us up.

Hodd

Well done, Maverick. I applaud you for opening up about it. In the past I drank when bored or more likely lonely. It didn’t help one bit as you know. I’m in the same boat as you now pretty much, getting divorced which has made me very lonely at times. Easier said than done, but we need to move on with life. You and I know drinking’s not the answer. Hopefully this current low will pass in a matter of days. If not, ask a doc. It’s not an issue now to talk about mental health, and we’re slowly realising it’s as important as physical health, which is great. It’s possible drinking caused you issues in the past as it has with me. As I say, you already know drinking’s not the way, and I think you’re brave and awesome to write such a post.

Hevyn

Mavericks - I'm glad you wanted to talk about this. It's so important to acknowledge these feelings & not try to shove them down.
I definitely went through this in early sobriety. I was rather lost for a time - after all, we're learning to live in a new way. I had relied on alcohol to deal with everything for a long time. It's normal to feel disoriented as we adjust. The sad feelings I had in the early days went away completely.

Be patient with yourself as you adapt to this change in your life. You're doing a wonderful job.

Oglsby

It also took me a while to feel normal, as others have said, but your post is very encouraging and expressing is better than repressing. Keep it up.

Mavericks

Thanks everyone. Some really encouraging and kind words. I appreciate all the responses.
As the weeks go by I hope my posts become more positive!

dwtbd

Looks like it started already, Rootin for ya !

DriGuy

Sometime in my 20s, I had an insight when I realized being alone was not the same thing as being lonely. Of course, if your loneliness is a result of being alone, that would be different. Mine wasn't. I will tell you honestly that the loneliest I would ever feel was at a party, where everyone seemed to be having fun except me. So being around people was not the cure. I like being alone. I like doing things in small groups once in a while, but I'm still not at my best at a big bash. For some reason, that experience is meaningless to me, and I don't function well in a meaningless situation.

MrPL

Hi Mavericks,

This makes sense to me. Alcohol is great at hiding problems, first when you are actually drinking, but also when you are dealing with being an alcoholic, because it takes over other problems.

Sobriety makes you sober. The rest is recovery, which is the process we all have to go through, rediscovering or sometimes even discovering ourselves.

From my experience, to do it I had to experience life. That meant picking up new hobbies, going back to old ones, learning new things and meeting people on the way.

There s a way for you to do it too, you just need to be active about it. The reward is amazing!