Emotional what?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by kes 
Hi tanky,
firstly 18 months is brill, it shows you can do this.
Re: your friend, my take is you gotta do everything you can for them, If not you'll regret it big time. You maybe can't do much but if you try you can always find comfort in the fact that you did whatever you could. I lost my bro to addiction and I did everything, I mean everything even getting him sectioned. I sleep easy in the knowledge that I couldn't have done more.
Sometimes straight talking helps, no ***** footing around. tell them the reapers closing in and If they continue they better get ready to meet him soon.. If they has close family or significant others, involve them. Lay it all on for them to quit buddy. You can't stop for them but at least you'll know you did everything. Hope this helps. I kinda feel it would be easier if it was me and not a great pal as I would have a say or some control in the situation, if this makes sense?
Btw Tanky, If I pick up, the shows over for me, kerplunk that I know. So, I know the score. All the very. very, very, best.
firstly 18 months is brill, it shows you can do this.
Re: your friend, my take is you gotta do everything you can for them, If not you'll regret it big time. You maybe can't do much but if you try you can always find comfort in the fact that you did whatever you could. I lost my bro to addiction and I did everything, I mean everything even getting him sectioned. I sleep easy in the knowledge that I couldn't have done more.
Sometimes straight talking helps, no ***** footing around. tell them the reapers closing in and If they continue they better get ready to meet him soon.. If they has close family or significant others, involve them. Lay it all on for them to quit buddy. You can't stop for them but at least you'll know you did everything. Hope this helps. I kinda feel it would be easier if it was me and not a great pal as I would have a say or some control in the situation, if this makes sense?
Btw Tanky, If I pick up, the shows over for me, kerplunk that I know. So, I know the score. All the very. very, very, best.
The friend who is drinking is the closest thing I have to a “sister”, I guess. We drank together from childhood, then she got sober, I didn’t. I avoided her for years because she was in recovery and I was in active addiction. Then when I was finally ready, and I was foundering with trying to find the way out, she helped nudge me across the line. She sponsored me temporarily , we talk at least once a week and it used to be everyday when I was in first months.
so you make me realise I have to basically not be a dumb idiot here. It’s okay to feel. To hurt. But I have to stay sober if I want to help her at all - and I know that. Same as I have to stay sober if I want to keep any part of this life i have been trying to build.
my kids deserve better
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Are you showing up at meetings and talking with people in person? This is a good new beginning!!
18 months is tricky. Kinda why we have an 18 month chip! Go out and help another suffering alcoholic and get a sponsor to work with and work those steps like your life depends upon it (as it does).......
I wish you well on your sober journey!
18 months is tricky. Kinda why we have an 18 month chip! Go out and help another suffering alcoholic and get a sponsor to work with and work those steps like your life depends upon it (as it does).......
I wish you well on your sober journey!
WTH? There is an 18 month chip? Ripped off! Round these parts you get nothing between Birthday 1 and 2. No more encouragement awards. 😂 no wonder I got grumpy
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,829
Hi Tanky, good to see you!
Keep posting here, it’ll strengthen your sobriety. You sound upbeat and healthy in your sobriety. Sometimes just writing it down as you have can help.
Sorry about your friend. Keep reaching out to her and hopefully she’ll get up from her stumble.
Keep posting here, it’ll strengthen your sobriety. You sound upbeat and healthy in your sobriety. Sometimes just writing it down as you have can help.
Sorry about your friend. Keep reaching out to her and hopefully she’ll get up from her stumble.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,725
Originally Posted by Tanky
hello, my dear precious, Suze. So awesome to see you. Just so awesome. ❤️
as always you are on the money. I know isolating and being angry isn’t helping me …and I am trying to do the opposite - like some demented boomerang . I really am.
but you also know me a bit and you may recall that trauma stuff is part of my story. The life events I mentioned in passing in my post have triggered some stuff. I am aware. And monitoring my MH state and sobriety. And if I am able to pause and give myself a tiny bit of credit, I might notice that a lot of what is going on in my head is actually because I am WELL enough to confront some more of that
trauma.
But hells it’s hard. and I am hurting, too. Hurting about my toxic past vomiting forth into my present, hurting about my friend . Hurting.
And so I guess I am a bit sick of ppl dismissing it and pushing me to effectively ignore these feelings. Or not have them in first place .
i did that already. With alcohol. It didn’t work out so well for me.
but I do hear what you are saying. Just need to change it up, Renew it not reject it.
As to my friend, I am , of course, reaching out to her. She won’t take calls.and I am currently physically very distant from her. (Unfortunately she was travelling overseas when she busted). She has responded to some of my texts, and I will keep trying . Keep reaching out.
Thankyou for reinforcing that I can keep doing stuff, keep taking action no matter how small. I will. Reinforcing that I am not my disease, that I am not doomed to act on its sirens call.
I will keep trudging. For her and for me. Xx
as always you are on the money. I know isolating and being angry isn’t helping me …and I am trying to do the opposite - like some demented boomerang . I really am.
but you also know me a bit and you may recall that trauma stuff is part of my story. The life events I mentioned in passing in my post have triggered some stuff. I am aware. And monitoring my MH state and sobriety. And if I am able to pause and give myself a tiny bit of credit, I might notice that a lot of what is going on in my head is actually because I am WELL enough to confront some more of that
trauma.
But hells it’s hard. and I am hurting, too. Hurting about my toxic past vomiting forth into my present, hurting about my friend . Hurting.
And so I guess I am a bit sick of ppl dismissing it and pushing me to effectively ignore these feelings. Or not have them in first place .
i did that already. With alcohol. It didn’t work out so well for me.
but I do hear what you are saying. Just need to change it up, Renew it not reject it.
As to my friend, I am , of course, reaching out to her. She won’t take calls.and I am currently physically very distant from her. (Unfortunately she was travelling overseas when she busted). She has responded to some of my texts, and I will keep trying . Keep reaching out.
Thankyou for reinforcing that I can keep doing stuff, keep taking action no matter how small. I will. Reinforcing that I am not my disease, that I am not doomed to act on its sirens call.
I will keep trudging. For her and for me. Xx
I wish I was there for you, back home.
sPlease keep posting and message me, if you want, or Skype.
We LOVE you, and we are all very proud of you.
Getting to 18 months is a fantastic feat. Please be proud of yourself honey!
Onward together, always. ❤️
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 274
Tanky - the past is the past, old cliche but there's nothing you can do to change it.
The past is a useful tool for shaping the future though. Learn from it, don't dwell.
Re: Your friend, mate reach out to her, for you as much as her. It will help you both. She;s a grown woman so will make her own decisions, right or wrong but at least she'll know she's not alone and has love with her. I hope she makes it pal, we all do.
God bless.
The past is a useful tool for shaping the future though. Learn from it, don't dwell.
Re: Your friend, mate reach out to her, for you as much as her. It will help you both. She;s a grown woman so will make her own decisions, right or wrong but at least she'll know she's not alone and has love with her. I hope she makes it pal, we all do.
God bless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by fishkiller
YOU deserve a better life too
Update:
things remain quite challenging at the moment , but I am getting there - all the same. Despite my shakiness and doubts.
Because I didn’t drink on any of it - and now I am starting to feel like I won’t. Which is nice.
i am doing the drill, because even though it sucks , i guess it bloody works on me. Went to a bunch of different meetings, followed some suggestions, reconnected w my sponsor, that sort of stuff. 👍
My brother is still extremely mentally unwell and my friend is still out there and I am still emotionally unbalanced if this morning random anger outburst much to go on . but my friend did connect w me and a few other sober folk and is trying to struggle back through the door. She even came to zoom meeting w me. (Drunk, granted, but still there.)
And I am doing stuff . Defs not nothing. I persisted, I connected , I linked her with my own sober crew, she took my call one time , I message all the time, etc. she doesn’t always answer messages, etc . She has disappeared for a few days and then resurfaced. And i have admittedly lost a lot of sleep.
But tonight I think I am doing okay. Maybe just for tonight.
thanks to SR crew for being here and doing this thing together
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by venuscat
Love, what are you talking about? DIdn't drink any of what? s
sI mean I am sober despite what is happening both inside my head and outside it.
Havent gone “out” over emotional disturbance or built up resentments or whatever . 👍
did I want to drink? Yes. Did I have some moments? Yes. Am I still a bit less sure? Yes. Hence why I am treating myself like I did at the start.
..and it appears to be helping .
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,465
It is so hard to see those you care about pick up when you know the harm that will come from it. My spouse got angry and relapsed today too—not that he has built up any significant sober time—but he was trying. I had the nerve to bring up a delicate subject of work that needs doing that he is not well enough to do, and he flew off the deep end for awhile.
I found it really hard to stay centered and deal with the anxiety and anger churning in my gut, but even though I wanted to check out, I knew that any alcohol would just make things 10 thousand times worse and escalate the negative energy. I went for a drive to a park, took a little hike with the dog, and then did some slow uphill sprints through a trail lined with lovely yellow and white autumn flowers.
It helped. We just keep going, and try to hold space and love for those we love who are lost for now—
I found it really hard to stay centered and deal with the anxiety and anger churning in my gut, but even though I wanted to check out, I knew that any alcohol would just make things 10 thousand times worse and escalate the negative energy. I went for a drive to a park, took a little hike with the dog, and then did some slow uphill sprints through a trail lined with lovely yellow and white autumn flowers.
It helped. We just keep going, and try to hold space and love for those we love who are lost for now—
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