Boozy wedding
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 243
I was on the wagon in November, in Savannah Georgia. Walking down the street and next to the hotel was this rowdy bar full of people. You could smell a strong beer/booze stench just walking past it. The next time we left the hotel I went the other way.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,366
Originally Posted by Hodd 
^ Hi silent, if you don’t mind me asking, did you relapse at 7 years?
I always say we’re statistically likely to relapse. All it takes is a problem with mental and/or physical health, and that could be the trigger for me or any of us. For this wedding, if I’d have felt uneasy or triggered, I’d have left. There may come a time when I’m not so sure or confident. That’s why I’m also interested (and sympathetic) to how others fared.
Edit: I found your thread, silent (February 2021?). Sorry you were having a tough time. Belated thanks for sharing. It sounds like you stayed sober?
I always say we’re statistically likely to relapse. All it takes is a problem with mental and/or physical health, and that could be the trigger for me or any of us. For this wedding, if I’d have felt uneasy or triggered, I’d have left. There may come a time when I’m not so sure or confident. That’s why I’m also interested (and sympathetic) to how others fared.
Edit: I found your thread, silent (February 2021?). Sorry you were having a tough time. Belated thanks for sharing. It sounds like you stayed sober?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,481
Ahhh. The boozy wedding. I made it through mine two weeks ago- only stepped out briefly to gather my wits, didn't have any desire to drink but it was a lot of stimulation and since I had not experienced that sober in the past, it was a bit overwhelming- I messaged my class on this site and all was well. It was a great time, actually.
Glad you did well at yours, Hodd.
Glad you did well at yours, Hodd.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,633
You probably won't like what I have to say, Hodd, but I also question sniffing drinks. I've been sober for a long time and I have no problem remembering what alcohol smells like. What I do know is that the AV is diabolical. I also wouldn't drink non-alcoholic beer because I didn't want to appear rude. My recovery comes first, always. People-pleasing was something that pushed me along the road to addiction. I'm glad that you got through the wedding sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,002
I’m going to withdraw from the sniffing episode, but I’d like to give my view on alcohol free drinks. Since Saturday, I hadn’t had an AF drink in a year and a half, and I’ve no urge to have any more. There is some, albeit limited, research out there saying AF drinks may lead to relapses in some people. However, for me, they did exactly the opposite. In my first year of sobriety, like many I had cravings galore and any storm in a teacup moment made me want a drink. I even bought some on holiday to Asia back then, and sadly I got the news that my dad had died. So there I was, about six months sober in a hot tropical country with that news. If I hadn’t had my AF supply, I’d have 100% had a real beer (or two) and probably still be drinking today.
As I say, I’ve lost interest in AF drinks, and I’m not condoning them here, but I won’t accept them being demonised in a one size fits all approach. They saved me from relapsing in year one on several occasions and are by far the lesser evil.
As I say, I’ve lost interest in AF drinks, and I’m not condoning them here, but I won’t accept them being demonised in a one size fits all approach. They saved me from relapsing in year one on several occasions and are by far the lesser evil.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,649
Well, this is Newcomers forum, man, with all that means.
I definitely relapsed after drinking non alcoholic beer - because all the behaviours were the same....the can, the condensation on the can, the slamming down of something that tasted vaguely like beer... but I then missed the 'buzz' payoff.
Inevitably I threw a 'real' can in there and you know the rest.
I don't take it personally when you or anyone else share your contrary experience assuming we all stay within the rules... but I'm going to continue to share my experience here just the same
. I know you will too.
Its not demonizing anything.
The fact you get the chance to disagree with me Anna or whoever else you want to points to healthy discussion.
Its the way this place works
I've learned no ones experience is universal.
That goes for me, and you too Hodd,
D
I definitely relapsed after drinking non alcoholic beer - because all the behaviours were the same....the can, the condensation on the can, the slamming down of something that tasted vaguely like beer... but I then missed the 'buzz' payoff.
Inevitably I threw a 'real' can in there and you know the rest.
I don't take it personally when you or anyone else share your contrary experience assuming we all stay within the rules... but I'm going to continue to share my experience here just the same
. I know you will too.Its not demonizing anything.
The fact you get the chance to disagree with me Anna or whoever else you want to points to healthy discussion.
Its the way this place works
I've learned no ones experience is universal.
That goes for me, and you too Hodd,
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,694
I read Anna's post about non alcoholic beer not as criticising the beer itself but concerned that you felt obliged to drink it. The doing what other people want rather than what's best for you.
Congrats on getting through anx on your sober time 👍
Congrats on getting through anx on your sober time 👍
Member
Join Date: Jul 2022
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by Hodd
Hi Kes, you’re doing brilliantly! I wouldn’t have dared sniff glasses at that stage. In fact, after about 3 months, I went to meet a non-drinking friend in Germany, my old stomping/drinking ground, and it wasn’t white knuckling as such, but it was a trigger fest. I don’t condone alcohol free beer - I only had it yesterday out of politeness - but on that Germany trip, I needed a few. It’s by far the lesser evil. Ironically I was at another wedding in Germany in 2020 (1.5 years sober) and wasn’t massively bothered by the alcohol flowing, but that lack of interest without doubt gets stronger over time.
Having a lengthy (hopefully forever) spell of sobriety has to priority 1, folks. Once you’ve got months, years, you can do anything.
By the way, sniffing is one thing, but I’m very sure if I took a mouthful of wine, I’d have a few more. None of us can go there.
Having a lengthy (hopefully forever) spell of sobriety has to priority 1, folks. Once you’ve got months, years, you can do anything.
By the way, sniffing is one thing, but I’m very sure if I took a mouthful of wine, I’d have a few more. None of us can go there.
Hi Hodd, just out of curiosity why is it that you don’t condone 0.0 alcohol beers? I find it interesting how everyone has a different path to their sobriety and love to understand peoples points of view.
Myself I see zero beers like I do any other soft drink, but with added benefits, I recently went to a music event where I couldn’t get zero beer and had to drink soda, I didn’t mind but much prefer Zero beers as it literally kills my craving, I like one on a nice sunny day in the garden on a friday after work, I normally wouldn’t have any more than 2 bottles as, like I said earlier, I see it like I do any other soft drink, so I wouldn’t drink too many due to the sugars in there.
I do recognise though that for others the taste of a good zero beer may actually do the opposite and drive the craving up to a ten!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,002
Hi Kerrew, there’s no right or wrong here. I’m indifferent, but others such as Dee (post above) had a negative experience.
I probably was slightly addicted to AF beer in my first year of sobriety. I mentioned being abroad (at around six months sober) on holiday in a hot place and getting really bad news. That was too many things at once, and without my AF stash, I’d have relapsed 100%. I’m 3 months short of 4 years now, so rarely get cravings. I haven’t bothered with AF for a year and a half. They served a purpose. And despite the sniffing, I don’t consider myself complacent - we’re all one illness or piece of bad news away from a relapse.
Another reason is none of us should be drinking alcohol, clear. But we don’t live in a bubble. We live in a world where people will go into bars. Nowadays, there are a selection of AF drinks, and the younger generation are interested. When I was younger, bars had no such options, so I have to say in this regard, AF is a good thing. People are going to go to bars. We can’t pretend that doesn’t happen.
I probably was slightly addicted to AF beer in my first year of sobriety. I mentioned being abroad (at around six months sober) on holiday in a hot place and getting really bad news. That was too many things at once, and without my AF stash, I’d have relapsed 100%. I’m 3 months short of 4 years now, so rarely get cravings. I haven’t bothered with AF for a year and a half. They served a purpose. And despite the sniffing, I don’t consider myself complacent - we’re all one illness or piece of bad news away from a relapse.
Another reason is none of us should be drinking alcohol, clear. But we don’t live in a bubble. We live in a world where people will go into bars. Nowadays, there are a selection of AF drinks, and the younger generation are interested. When I was younger, bars had no such options, so I have to say in this regard, AF is a good thing. People are going to go to bars. We can’t pretend that doesn’t happen.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 280
It's not a lesson I need to deliberately indulge in, but the sight and smell of alcohol reminds me that I am 100% helpless and powerless over alcohol.
One damn, sip and I'm right back where I was five years ago when I asked my wife to drive me to rehab and had to spend two days detoxing.
One damn, sip and I'm right back where I was five years ago when I asked my wife to drive me to rehab and had to spend two days detoxing.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,366
It's not about sniffing drinks or NA beer. It's about treating this thing as the dangerous animal that will rip you and everyone you love to shreds that it is. It's not some little foofoo dog you can give a little pet to once in awhile.
I didn't beat alcohol. You didn't beat alcohol. None of us have beaten alcohol. Each of us was able to barely escape a death roll. We got lucky.
We might all have different triggers or paths to recovery. Our AVs all say the same thing.
I didn't beat alcohol. You didn't beat alcohol. None of us have beaten alcohol. Each of us was able to barely escape a death roll. We got lucky.
We might all have different triggers or paths to recovery. Our AVs all say the same thing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 274
Hi Hodd,
AF beer would set me off far more than sniffing any alcoholic beverage. "sniffing" would be tame in comparrison to tormenting myself with "fake" beer - slippery slope if you ask me! I reckon AF beer today, tomorrow the real thing, that's my call on it. Be warned folks!!
AF beer would set me off far more than sniffing any alcoholic beverage. "sniffing" would be tame in comparrison to tormenting myself with "fake" beer - slippery slope if you ask me! I reckon AF beer today, tomorrow the real thing, that's my call on it. Be warned folks!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 656
I’m glad you didn’t drink! Those are really tough moments. l hope you found you were able to enjoy the wedding and not feel too singled out.
On N/A beer (or really anything like it) just try to keep in mind why you’re defending it and who you’re trying to convince. If N/A beer works for you and becomes a part of your long-term recovery and health - by all means. Everyone is different and your recovery is yours - no one else’s. I do know a lot of folks here have has different/negative experiences (myself included), it’s good to internalize those warnings… they aren’t really judgmental/shame or “demonizing,” it’s more “I’ve been done that road and it didn’t go well - be careful.”
On N/A beer (or really anything like it) just try to keep in mind why you’re defending it and who you’re trying to convince. If N/A beer works for you and becomes a part of your long-term recovery and health - by all means. Everyone is different and your recovery is yours - no one else’s. I do know a lot of folks here have has different/negative experiences (myself included), it’s good to internalize those warnings… they aren’t really judgmental/shame or “demonizing,” it’s more “I’ve been done that road and it didn’t go well - be careful.”
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,002
I’d be very concerned if anyone was using AF drinks long term. I must admit in my first year of sobriety, I was somewhat addicted. I say somewhat as I never consumed the vast quantities that I had of the real stuff. I’m still going to defend it, though, as the lesser evil. In my case, I’ve now lost interest in AF beer. The interest just went away, and this doesn’t happen with real alcohol.
I’ll also add the massive caveat that it’s not for everyone. Any doubts, steer well clear.
I’ll also add the massive caveat that it’s not for everyone. Any doubts, steer well clear.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Great thread Hodd. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts and experiences so I figure I'll throw mine in FWIW.
With regards to smelling alcohol: if one is able to do that with zero risk to their recovery, all the power to them. For me personally, it's definitely not something I would ever intentionally do, because even the tiniest risk that it could lead to relapse is simply not one worth taking. I used to do it in previous attempts at sobriety, but back then my love affair with the substance was still going strong whether I realized it or not. Now, the slightest hint of the scent of alcohol causes a profound sense of dread in me. Think of that heart-plummeting-to-the-floor feeling that we've all felt at one time or another. There's a bottle of hand sanitizer at my work that people often use and I usually hold my breath for a moment when someone uses it because I don't want to smell it. I absolutely despise alcohol, so even the mere sight of a bottle of liquor will cause a fight-or-flight reaction in me.
As for AF drinks, I do occasionally order a mocktail when I go out for dinner at a nice restaurant. As long as I am certain there is zero alcohol in it, I feel completely secure consuming it. But for N/A beers, I never liked beer in general but to my knowledge many N/A beers do contain a trace amount of alcohol. So if even if I did like the taste, it would not be a risk worth taking for me.
With regards to smelling alcohol: if one is able to do that with zero risk to their recovery, all the power to them. For me personally, it's definitely not something I would ever intentionally do, because even the tiniest risk that it could lead to relapse is simply not one worth taking. I used to do it in previous attempts at sobriety, but back then my love affair with the substance was still going strong whether I realized it or not. Now, the slightest hint of the scent of alcohol causes a profound sense of dread in me. Think of that heart-plummeting-to-the-floor feeling that we've all felt at one time or another. There's a bottle of hand sanitizer at my work that people often use and I usually hold my breath for a moment when someone uses it because I don't want to smell it. I absolutely despise alcohol, so even the mere sight of a bottle of liquor will cause a fight-or-flight reaction in me.
As for AF drinks, I do occasionally order a mocktail when I go out for dinner at a nice restaurant. As long as I am certain there is zero alcohol in it, I feel completely secure consuming it. But for N/A beers, I never liked beer in general but to my knowledge many N/A beers do contain a trace amount of alcohol. So if even if I did like the taste, it would not be a risk worth taking for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,002
Thanks mns. I should’ve been more careful with my words as I don’t want anyone to think my experience is the only way.
For the record, I recently found a miniature bottle of some rum or whatever that my wife had been keeping for cooking. I didn’t feel comfortable with it in my house so poured it down the sink. Then, I did it again, my speciality of sniffing, and I’ll admit that did smell great. I didn’t feel triggered, though. I find the smell of fresh cut grass pleasant, but I don’t grow udders and feel the need to masticate 🤣.
As for AF, it’ll probable be another couple of years before I bother with it again. For me, there’s no connection between that watery fizzy stuff and potent strong-smelling beer. If anyone sees a connection between the two, they must 100% avoid.
What I will also say again is my lack of triggers at such a boozy event is purely down to the length of time I’ve been sober. I’m not complacent, but I realise that at six months, such an event would’ve been impossible and even at a year, it’d be risky. Long-term sobriety is key. Relapses are serious stuff.
For the record, I recently found a miniature bottle of some rum or whatever that my wife had been keeping for cooking. I didn’t feel comfortable with it in my house so poured it down the sink. Then, I did it again, my speciality of sniffing, and I’ll admit that did smell great. I didn’t feel triggered, though. I find the smell of fresh cut grass pleasant, but I don’t grow udders and feel the need to masticate 🤣.
As for AF, it’ll probable be another couple of years before I bother with it again. For me, there’s no connection between that watery fizzy stuff and potent strong-smelling beer. If anyone sees a connection between the two, they must 100% avoid.
What I will also say again is my lack of triggers at such a boozy event is purely down to the length of time I’ve been sober. I’m not complacent, but I realise that at six months, such an event would’ve been impossible and even at a year, it’d be risky. Long-term sobriety is key. Relapses are serious stuff.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 656
Originally Posted by mns1
Great thread Hodd. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts and experiences so I figure I'll throw mine in FWIW.
With regards to smelling alcohol: if one is able to do that with zero risk to their recovery, all the power to them. For me personally, it's definitely not something I would ever intentionally do, because even the tiniest risk that it could lead to relapse is simply not one worth taking. I used to do it in previous attempts at sobriety, but back then my love affair with the substance was still going strong whether I realized it or not. Now, the slightest hint of the scent of alcohol causes a profound sense of dread in me. Think of that heart-plummeting-to-the-floor feeling that we've all felt at one time or another. There's a bottle of hand sanitizer at my work that people often use and I usually hold my breath for a moment when someone uses it because I don't want to smell it. I absolutely despise alcohol, so even the mere sight of a bottle of liquor will cause a fight-or-flight reaction in me.
As for AF drinks, I do occasionally order a mocktail when I go out for dinner at a nice restaurant. As long as I am certain there is zero alcohol in it, I feel completely secure consuming it. But for N/A beers, I never liked beer in general but to my knowledge many N/A beers do contain a trace amount of alcohol. So if even if I did like the taste, it would not be a risk worth taking for me.
With regards to smelling alcohol: if one is able to do that with zero risk to their recovery, all the power to them. For me personally, it's definitely not something I would ever intentionally do, because even the tiniest risk that it could lead to relapse is simply not one worth taking. I used to do it in previous attempts at sobriety, but back then my love affair with the substance was still going strong whether I realized it or not. Now, the slightest hint of the scent of alcohol causes a profound sense of dread in me. Think of that heart-plummeting-to-the-floor feeling that we've all felt at one time or another. There's a bottle of hand sanitizer at my work that people often use and I usually hold my breath for a moment when someone uses it because I don't want to smell it. I absolutely despise alcohol, so even the mere sight of a bottle of liquor will cause a fight-or-flight reaction in me.
As for AF drinks, I do occasionally order a mocktail when I go out for dinner at a nice restaurant. As long as I am certain there is zero alcohol in it, I feel completely secure consuming it. But for N/A beers, I never liked beer in general but to my knowledge many N/A beers do contain a trace amount of alcohol. So if even if I did like the taste, it would not be a risk worth taking for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,002
^ I’m not going to name names, but a few AF beers are very low in sugar. It’s certainly something that should be checked. Sugary drinks are extremely bad for the health. I’d go as far to say that excessive sugar (we’re only supposed to have up to 6 teaspoons a day) is almost as bad as smoking or drinking. I’m surprised this isn’t something governments are clamping down on.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,825
Everyone is completely unique and yet we are all incredibly similar in that we all (humans) have our 'things', ( I have ink on my leg that says so ) . I thankfully found this place in 2013 and came across AVRT shortly there after I made a Big Plan , locked my Beast away and eventually ( not as long as I thought) just chuckled at the AV. Friends and family say I'm still the best mixologist in the neighborhood.
I got 99 problems , but the booze bitch ain't one of them , lol , I think that is what the kids say.
I can handle booze , but my Beast loves it, so I never drink it and that is something I will never change my mind on.
) . I thankfully found this place in 2013 and came across AVRT shortly there after I made a Big Plan , locked my Beast away and eventually ( not as long as I thought) just chuckled at the AV. Friends and family say I'm still the best mixologist in the neighborhood.I got 99 problems , but the booze bitch ain't one of them , lol , I think that is what the kids say.
I can handle booze , but my Beast loves it, so I never drink it and that is something I will never change my mind on.
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