AthensDawgs

Hey folks,

I got to 90 days and completely melted on day 91(last Monday). I had an anxiety/panic attack in the early morning and I had to call in to work. I felt horrible about calling in and the light bulb went off to grab some Truely's and champagne.

The next few days are a complete blur. I didn't go anywhere or drive anywhere, I ordered everything to be delivered to my apartment and just drank. In my mind I knew that I shouldn't be drinking but I was doing it anyways. By Thursday I was drinking Beam again. I had that delivered as well.

I am finally feeling like myself again after some much needed sleep and drinking a ton of water. I'm actually enjoying some coffee right now.

I'm waiting to hear back from HR regarding my job. Not sure how that one is going to go. I was doing fantastic and completely lost it.

Back to more meetings and taking it one hour at a time. Just needed to vent. Onward to day 3.

KTB5000

I can relate a lot to this Athens. I am glad you came back here after only 4 days instead of the bottle, I just gets worse and worse. I usually relapse after 3 months, but go out for at least a year. I'm glad you got your strength and faith to recover back so soon. ❤️

nez

Boy do I know that one. It screams that I am an alcoholic, but the good news is I don't have to live that way. I have been shown that sobriety and recovery are possible, even for me.
I don't know if there is any validity to it, but my experience is that the time approaching 30,60,90,180, and 365 days were possibly trigger points for me as I remember being somewhat squirrely around those times.
I just needed to remember that I don't have to return to drinking and live that way. I have been shown that sobriety and recovery are possible, even for me.
"Onward to day 3" and beyond!!!

Mizz

Welcome back! Those early months were really hard for me too. The first three months can be dicey. You said you had an anxiety/ panic attack. This ultimately led you to drinking.

From here, when a panic/ anxiety attack comes again, what tools are in your arsenal to help you through? Do you suffer from anxiety in general? It does sound like a few more tools will help you through those tough times.

Reaching out to the forum
Calling a friend/ family member
Journaling
Listening to a podcast
Reading a book
Taking a bath/ shower
Exercise
Calling your GP
Attending a meeting (if that is your thing)
Drawing/ Coloring
Meditation
Drinking water and eating food
Essential oils for relaxation
Helping another person

Anna

Welcome back, AthensDawgs, I'm glad you're sober and working on your recovery again. It's really hard to deal with anxiety attacks, but there are some things you can do to help. Simply focusing on your breathing can help to calm yourself. You can do this!

Alpine

Welcome back. I have been there too. I had a good 4 months in then blew it for several days. It is darn tough, but I am happy to see you. I come here often to read and post and to keep myself accountable. It has helped me and of course, in the end it is up to me to keep on the path of sobriety, but I like knowing the people here are very supportive, understand, and can offer a wealth of insight. I wish you the best.

saoutchik

Well done for posting Athens, it isn't easy. Fingers crossed the job stays open. No advice because I have not had a panic attack but I did have lots of relapses, the only thing you can do is analyse them in order not to be caught like it again.

Leshar

Hi Athens, I'm so sorry you've been going through this. Mental health issues and alcoholism so often go hand in hand and are so difficult to deal with. I understand. I'm sadly back to day 1. I hope your job situation is secure.

Hevyn

Hi Athens. That's the sort of thing that kept happening to me at the end of my drinking days. Every time it was in my system, unpredictable things happened. My intentions were always good - but willpower can't save us once we take the first drink. It was worse for me after a period of sobriety - that's why I decided to never touch it again. You learned something valuable.

Purplrks3647

Hope U r doing ok Athens….I’ve had panic attacks before…they suck!

VikingGF

Coming back is so hard, Athens. Good for you doing so quickly.

Congrats on day 3. There is some good advice for dealing with anxiety/panic attacks here already- remember they are temporary no matter how awful they are- and use whatever distraction you can, including coming here and posting.

Onward we go.

Dee74

Some great advice here AD - just because we've always reacted in a certain way doesn't mean we have to keep reacting in that same way...

with some thought and foreplanning you can make this the last time you drink

D

keeppushing

Really great on 90 days AD and for bouncing back after only 4 days. I have had panic attacks. They really were awful. I which you all the best.

KP

AthensDawgs

ive lost all my self-confidence that I once had and I'm feeling shattered right now.

I was literally fine and the drinking binge just destroyed everything. I called out of work I'm just feeling lost right now.

Dee74

Rebuild one day at a time AD.

D

fishkiller

There is a way to feel better and get that good life back.
Put down the booze.

zenithboy88

Athens, I know how you feel. Just don't give up because you can do this.
you have already proved it with 90 days.
Keep going, you will make it!

Mizz

Winter always turns to spring

Keep on moving forward. You can do this. You did it before. We believe in you, Athens.

novips

When you say "back to more meetings", I assume you are using A.A. If that's correct, then relapsing after 90 days warrants an inventory of your program. I spent many years trying to "get it" in A.A., and when I look back now it's clear to me that every time I relapsed there was some obvious part of the program that I was defiantly refusing to surrender to. Here are some questions/considerations that may help:

1. Meetings: How many meetings were you attending? I was told 90-in-90 for the beginning and now -- almost 20 years later -- I still find that dipping below 4 per week is problematic (I chuckle when folks who see nothing wrong with an hour at the gym every evening balk at this suggestion). Also, did you have an official home group and service position? Specifically, the service commitment should be something others are counting on you for, such that you'd need to call someone to cover for you if you can't make it.

2. Steps: Do you have a sponsor and are you working the steps as outlined in the Big Book? By day 90, I would expect my sponsees to have at least begun writing their 4th Step. In addition, I was instructed to call my sponsor every day for the first 90 days. Prayer was also wrapped into my stepwork from day 1, with an expectation that I would get on my knees every morning to ask God to keep me sober, and get on my knees every evening to thank Him for doing so. Importantly, these actions do not require you to believe in God -- and "God"/"Him" can be replaced with "Higher Power", "Higher Consciousness", etc.

3. Service: In the beginning, a formal service commitment suffices. But also stay open to opportunities to carry the message to those with less time than you.

Dee74

Hows it going AthensDawgs?

D