Seriously need help before I die
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 12
Seriously need help before I die
I keep going a week or so without drinking then having these massive blow outs I'm currently laid up with heatstroke after drinking 3 litres of rum and doing 4 grams of cocaine in the sun like an idiot and this is happening every week or so I don't know how to stop
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Its good to see you again MistaT - welcome back 
I really wanted to change too - so I plugged myself into this community, posted everyday, tried to help others out as well and began to make better choices in my 'real life', guided by the advice and support I found here.
Its got to be worth a shot?
D
I really wanted to change too - so I plugged myself into this community, posted everyday, tried to help others out as well and began to make better choices in my 'real life', guided by the advice and support I found here.
Its got to be worth a shot?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Mista - it’s not easy to break the cycle, the first step is to look after yourself now, detox with help if needed, and when you are sober make a plan to avoid the relapse next time.
This can be posting here, attending meetings, exercise, there are many choices, but first and foremost you need to make the decision to really try and focus.
You can do this, I have been on the drinking + coke bus and managed to get out, like many others here.
This can be posting here, attending meetings, exercise, there are many choices, but first and foremost you need to make the decision to really try and focus.
You can do this, I have been on the drinking + coke bus and managed to get out, like many others here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I know that hopeless feeling. Looking back, it was difficult. But difficult or not, it is possible. You have to make it happen. It won't happen on it's own. It helps to know what you are doing. You can read through the threads here, participate, and learn the things you need to do. This will make it easier, probably will make the difference between success and failure, but it will still be hard.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,869
Hi MistaT,
I know what you are going through and I know how hard it is.
To be condemned like Sisyphus to roll that immense boulder up a hill only for it to roll down every time it neared the top.
It's painful
You can decide to stop it for good by taking actions.
You could join a support group like CA (Cocaine Anonymous) or AA (Alcoholic Anonymous)
It helped me a lot even if I was not into their "12 steps" philosophy.
Being with other addicts trying to stop just like me was very motivating.
Come back on SR on a daily basis and let us know how things are going, we're in this with you.
Courage, you can make it
I know what you are going through and I know how hard it is.
To be condemned like Sisyphus to roll that immense boulder up a hill only for it to roll down every time it neared the top.
It's painful
You can decide to stop it for good by taking actions.
You could join a support group like CA (Cocaine Anonymous) or AA (Alcoholic Anonymous)
It helped me a lot even if I was not into their "12 steps" philosophy.
Being with other addicts trying to stop just like me was very motivating.
Come back on SR on a daily basis and let us know how things are going, we're in this with you.
Courage, you can make it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
A 28 day rehab experience where folks taught me about
my addiction and fed me some valuable information helped
plant the seed of recovery to begin growing as long as I
remained sober and teachable. Nourishing that little seed
of hope, that if all those before me could and would achieve
continuous sobriety, no matter what life threw at them, then
so could and would I.
These folks led me each and everyday. Days that I felt discouraged,
less than, I followed no matter what. Days my body showed up to
learn not understanding the process, but willing to trust it. Eventually,
just as all those folks shared with me day in and day out, the
miracles of recovery began to happen.
The miracle of remaining sober one more day began to add up
and the understanding of my addiction and recovery became clearer.
My journey began with that one day some just like everyone
else. August 11, 1990, the very first day I didnt drink. That day,
I admitted I had and addiction and I was powerless over it until
I accepted the help available to me to help me remain sober.
The hope and support from all those sober before me, guided
me along the way for 31 yrs now. I took the knowledge and added
willingness to do what is needed to stay sober each day, good
day, bad days, and marched with determination to not have that
misery of addiction refunded back to me.
They say that this is a selfish program and that if we want
to achieve continuous sobriety, then we do what is needed
with openmindedness, willingness and honesty to get it.
Grab a hold of all the coattails of those achieving sucess in
their own recovery and hold on tight till you understand the
process and able to stand strong on your own.
Build you recovery life beginning with a strong foundation
to live upon with one day at a time. One piece of recovery
lesson at a time and many miracles to enjoy along the way.
my addiction and fed me some valuable information helped
plant the seed of recovery to begin growing as long as I
remained sober and teachable. Nourishing that little seed
of hope, that if all those before me could and would achieve
continuous sobriety, no matter what life threw at them, then
so could and would I.
These folks led me each and everyday. Days that I felt discouraged,
less than, I followed no matter what. Days my body showed up to
learn not understanding the process, but willing to trust it. Eventually,
just as all those folks shared with me day in and day out, the
miracles of recovery began to happen.
The miracle of remaining sober one more day began to add up
and the understanding of my addiction and recovery became clearer.
My journey began with that one day some just like everyone
else. August 11, 1990, the very first day I didnt drink. That day,
I admitted I had and addiction and I was powerless over it until
I accepted the help available to me to help me remain sober.
The hope and support from all those sober before me, guided
me along the way for 31 yrs now. I took the knowledge and added
willingness to do what is needed to stay sober each day, good
day, bad days, and marched with determination to not have that
misery of addiction refunded back to me.
They say that this is a selfish program and that if we want
to achieve continuous sobriety, then we do what is needed
with openmindedness, willingness and honesty to get it.
Grab a hold of all the coattails of those achieving sucess in
their own recovery and hold on tight till you understand the
process and able to stand strong on your own.
Build you recovery life beginning with a strong foundation
to live upon with one day at a time. One piece of recovery
lesson at a time and many miracles to enjoy along the way.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
As aasharon says, there is an end to this (a good end). None of us here are bad people. We didn’t want to become addicted to alcohol. The fact you posted shows you believe you have a future free of this addiction. A lot of people don’t even take that first step, but you have. It won’t be easy to quit and it will take effort and willpower from you, but you’re entitled to support from your GP to start with as well as all of us on here. There’ll be no judgement from anyone, just support. Don’t be hard on yourself and well done for taking that first step 🙂
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
What would you recommend to a family member if they told you what you just told us?
If you don't want to say because you don't want to do it, then it's almost certainly the right answer.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
If you don't want to say because you don't want to do it, then it's almost certainly the right answer.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Your lethal combo might need or even require in-patient care! Cocaine and alcohol are a heart attack waiting to happen....if you already haven't had one (many of these are not-yet diagnosed).
I hope you seek medical help for withdrawal (if needed) and rehab to get away and break the habits you've acquired. It can be done!
I hope you seek medical help for withdrawal (if needed) and rehab to get away and break the habits you've acquired. It can be done!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back MistaT. I was on that rollercoaster for a long time myself. I'm not sure you are correct when you say that you don't know how to stop - you seem to have no problem doing so for a few weeks. It's just staying stopped that's the problem, no?
For me it took acceptance of a few facts. First off, I had to accept that something is fundamentally different about me in relation to alcohol. No matter what I do, If I start drinking again I will ALWAYS return to harmful binge drinking. It might take a few days or a few weeks, but there is a 100% certainly that I will end up there again. The next thing I had to accept is that whatever is different about me that causes the problem I just mentioned is UNCHANGABLE. It's simply part of my being that I have zero control over. No pill, no therapy, no book will ever alter that fact. Once I accepted those 2 things I was able to make a plan to live my life without alcohol, and it is very possible to do - you can too if you really want to. For some, reaching this acceptance means handing it over to a higher power. For others it is more internal and based in therapy, reading, etc. But no matter what - addiction makes no sense, and you have to be OK with just accepting that it doesn't.
For me it took acceptance of a few facts. First off, I had to accept that something is fundamentally different about me in relation to alcohol. No matter what I do, If I start drinking again I will ALWAYS return to harmful binge drinking. It might take a few days or a few weeks, but there is a 100% certainly that I will end up there again. The next thing I had to accept is that whatever is different about me that causes the problem I just mentioned is UNCHANGABLE. It's simply part of my being that I have zero control over. No pill, no therapy, no book will ever alter that fact. Once I accepted those 2 things I was able to make a plan to live my life without alcohol, and it is very possible to do - you can too if you really want to. For some, reaching this acceptance means handing it over to a higher power. For others it is more internal and based in therapy, reading, etc. But no matter what - addiction makes no sense, and you have to be OK with just accepting that it doesn't.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I'm the same type of drinker. It's all or nothing for me. Sometimes use cocaine too although don't have addiction issues with drugs like I do alcohol. I'm capable of drinking a handle of vodka in one day. Past 5 years have mainly stuck with beer or hard seltzers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
I had no interest in cocaine unless I had already been drinking. At least in the later years I never picked up that first drink with the intention of using drugs. Once I drank it turned me into a different person and sometimes that person used drugs. Once I drank I had no say in the matter. It didn't always end in a drug binge I never knew for sure. Though I always thought I did. No way I will use tonight its just a few beers was a common last sober thought.
How many mornings after I thought how can a drug binge like that not happen again. Don't pick up the first drink didn't register until I received the gift of desperation.
In the early days of recovery I tried 90 meetings in 90 days but with my busy schedule I fell a little short. Like between 5 and 6 per week. It was probably overkill but it worked. I got a sponsor and worked the steps. I found a sponsor that had a similar pattern of drinking and druggin. Grew up in the same region of the country, similar education kind of related careers but different skill sets.
I wish I could say exactly how I found that magic button for letting go of my own will. I guess just the idea of what if kill myself and then considering what life really was and why was I here and all that. The realization that I had no control over things and why not just do my best and the heck with the outcome. I will just live with results, be grateful for anything I do get and try and do the best with it. Live life on life's terms and keep trying to do the next right thing.
How many mornings after I thought how can a drug binge like that not happen again. Don't pick up the first drink didn't register until I received the gift of desperation.
In the early days of recovery I tried 90 meetings in 90 days but with my busy schedule I fell a little short. Like between 5 and 6 per week. It was probably overkill but it worked. I got a sponsor and worked the steps. I found a sponsor that had a similar pattern of drinking and druggin. Grew up in the same region of the country, similar education kind of related careers but different skill sets.
I wish I could say exactly how I found that magic button for letting go of my own will. I guess just the idea of what if kill myself and then considering what life really was and why was I here and all that. The realization that I had no control over things and why not just do my best and the heck with the outcome. I will just live with results, be grateful for anything I do get and try and do the best with it. Live life on life's terms and keep trying to do the next right thing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
I'm the same type of drinker. It's all or nothing for me. Sometimes use cocaine too although don't have addiction issues with drugs like I do alcohol. I'm capable of drinking a handle of vodka in one day. Past 5 years have mainly stuck with beer or hard seltzers.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Mista, it may be helpful to understand that no alcoholic is a special case. OK, we are all collectively a special case as a minority that cannot drink in moderation, but within that minority, everyone of us who succeeds has been right where you are now. If others can do it, so can you. The problem is that getting over that hump until the cravings abate to background noise can be a Hellish two or three weeks. Then you can begin actual recovery.
The problem is that lots of alcoholics get to feeling so normal that they think they can drink again, so they go back out have a drink and think everything went well, when all they have done is unlocked the door to a creeping entanglement with their old addiction. And we hear those who relapse admitting that all the time. Some even mention that this was the cause of their relapse, but still think they just didn't recover quite enough, do they try it again later on, and fail yet one more time.
But commit to never taking another drink ever, not even one on a special occasion, and you will be on your way to a better life. I would suggest embracing that commitment now, rather than going through years of relapse before you finally accept that you can never drink again and expect different results.
But it's not all work work work and sacrifice. There is a big payoff. None of us would do this if there were not some sort of pay off. For me, it was about being happier in my sober life than I had been in the 30 previous years. It was about learning new ways to cope with my life. I'm sober for 26 years now, and it still keeps getting better. It doesn't happen over night. 26 years to get where I am is so obviously NOT overnight, but the journey is enjoyable enough that I can not imagine giving this up, ever.
The problem is that lots of alcoholics get to feeling so normal that they think they can drink again, so they go back out have a drink and think everything went well, when all they have done is unlocked the door to a creeping entanglement with their old addiction. And we hear those who relapse admitting that all the time. Some even mention that this was the cause of their relapse, but still think they just didn't recover quite enough, do they try it again later on, and fail yet one more time.
But commit to never taking another drink ever, not even one on a special occasion, and you will be on your way to a better life. I would suggest embracing that commitment now, rather than going through years of relapse before you finally accept that you can never drink again and expect different results.
But it's not all work work work and sacrifice. There is a big payoff. None of us would do this if there were not some sort of pay off. For me, it was about being happier in my sober life than I had been in the 30 previous years. It was about learning new ways to cope with my life. I'm sober for 26 years now, and it still keeps getting better. It doesn't happen over night. 26 years to get where I am is so obviously NOT overnight, but the journey is enjoyable enough that I can not imagine giving this up, ever.
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