Primativo

Technically two months completed. Life is better in every way, so why do I still have times when I want to get drunk? I have been almost fantasizing about it the last week or two. Don't get me wrong, I'm not close to picking up, I know it's completely wrong. I have been here before and relapsed, and I know exactly what awaits. There is no joy, alcohol is a con, it will only give me misery in return for any "fun" I take from it. Yet I still think, won't a drink be great! The reality is, my last drinking period was horrible. It was about a year long with a bit of sobriety interspersed, and you name it I had it, binges, night terrors, physically unwell, anxiety, depression it was all there in abundance etc

I hope this is just a phase. But it's lasted about two weeks now where I have been thinking about having a big blow out, like oh yeah wouldn't that be fun. Maybe it's something that will always be there, you just don't act on it. My friend has been sober 3 years and says he still has times where he thinks wouldn't it be great to get drunk, despite knowing how bad it was for him.

Anyway, happy to be 2 months. Here is to many more.

dustyfox

Congratulations Primativo on 2 months.
I was thinking about that desire to have a 'blow out' . the nagging thought that it would be great to just get hammered, drink to oblivion or just let go...perhaps it's a symptom of other things going on in our lives. too much stress, boredom, dissatisfaction, hurt, or any number of other emotional states we might want to escape from ,or just not know how to process having always used alcohol to deal with them previously.

It is good to recognise it and urge surf through it, because it will pass and hopefully we will have earned something from it, having not got hammered, drunk or inebriated. I still get those urges but I know them now, I recognise them as part of me and am learning , slowly, to accept them as signals and messengers that help me to understand myself, rather than a trigger to drink.
Thank you primativo for a really helpful thread.

Dee74

Re reading old posts is a great way to counter the romancing thoughts.
If drinking was all that, we'd never want to stop, right?

congrats on 60 days Primativo

D

Mizz

This is not unusual.

I like to listen to podcasts, read, participate on this forum, and learn more about addiction/ recovery daily.
This helps me to stay focused and reach the goal I have set for myself, which is to remain sober physically, mentally, and emotionally. Do you have a tool box you are using?

The first few months have been on record, for most people recovering, as being the hardest to get through. I agree, it was terribly hard for me the first few months. I think you are doing well and you have come here to talk about what is going on. Using this tool is powerful. Those thoughts will pass. They will. Change the channel and keep moving forward.

RunningScared

WooHoo! Congratulations on 61 days. After about a year, I still think about it. I guess it goes with the territory. Don't do any more than think about it, then do something to distract yourself. You are doing great.

least

Congrats on 60 days - well done!

Radix

Congrats on two months!

To your question, there are times when I wish I could instantly change an unhappy mood. And alcohol used to make me (temporarily) happy. If you connect the dots, you can see that it's a short step to wishing to drink again, or feeling a sense of longing when contemplating life without it.

But for me, what changed things was realizing that I couldn't separate the "happy" feeling of being intoxicated from all the rest that always follows when I drank too much for too long. It's a package deal. Getting "happy" with alcohol is like rolling down a rocky mountain in a barrel... it might be thrilling and fun for the first few moments but then momentum builds up, the hits come harder, and then you're out of control and dashed against the rocks. (Okay, maybe that's a dumb analogy?)

My point is that drinking to feel happy always led to drinking to the point of being unhappy. The two just can't be separated--not for me anyway. When I realized this, I stopped fantasizing about getting drunk again.

Like I said above, sure, there are times I wish I could instantly change an unhappy mood. But I finally realized that alcohol just creates more unhappiness... so it's not something I long for anymore.

Tailai

Even just reading about blowing off steam with a night of drinking gives me a sick feeling. I have absolutely no desire to put that poison in my now healthy body.

brighterday1234

Congratulations on 2 months sober 🙏

Primativo

Thank you Radix, this was really useful for me to read and I loved your analogy, it is so true. You are of course correct, there is no seperation. There is no happiness from drinking, without it giving you ten times as much misery in return. Of course, when we drink, we do not have one or two, we abuse it, and when we abuse it, it abuses us back. It is important that I remember that it is impossible for me to drink without the consequences.

I also need to remember that when I was drinking, I didn't enjoy it. Because when I drank, I remember telling myself how much I wanted to quit. Why would I do that if it was so enjoyable. I remember the feeling in the cab ride home after a night out, thinking to myself how rough I felt and how bad I'd feel in the morning. The happiness is fleeting, the downsides are plentiful.

Primativo

Thank you everyone, really helpful. Felt much better today, I didn't have a single drinking thought to be honest. I think that feeling has passed.

KTB5000

Congrats on 2 months! I also have those moments when I think to myself, "won't a drink be nice?," glad u shared your experience with this. My life sober is like a dream that gets better, so how can these thoughts creep in?...but the reality is that, for me, they do too. And it's okay so long I squash the possibility immediately and remind myself of the ruin I was creating as a drunk.

Keep up the good fight Primativo and thanks again for posting! Take care.

Worried14

Well done Primativo, glad you're starting to feel better

DriGuy

Thirty days hath September,
April, June, and November;
etc, etc, etc.

so:

Thirty-one days hath May
Thirty days hath June
Together they hath sixty-one.

Two months exactly. Congratulations.

Zebra1275

Congratulations!

Robbie64

Congratulations on 61 days / 2 months Primativo

nez

They do that if we let them.
Studies have shown that most people have 6,000 thoughts a day.
With the sheer volume alone, not to mention the kaleidoscopic variety, I can afford to be pretty selective in choosing which thoughts get to take up residency in my brain for even a short period of time.
Most of the thoughts I have over a 24 period don't even register with me as having existed in the first place.
I just need to recognize that drinking thoughts belong in that category. The category of not warranting a second thought, and go...next.
Yeah, whose next in line? Now serving thought #4280.
Congrats on the two months. Awesome stuff!!

DriGuy

This may account for why drinking thoughts occurred to me as blinks, rather than obsessions, at least once I got past those early cravings. And they were mostly just fleeting "blinks" in a sea of blinks. Also, as drinking thoughts begin to demand so much less of our time, it's little wonder we can pay attention to what might be valuable in the rest of those 6000 thoughts.