New and need help
MammaJax
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2022
Location: East Texas
Posts: 1
New and need help
Hi 👋
I’m new and I’m looking for a list. We need to sit down and have a “talk” with our son about his drinking.
A little background information… he’s 21, and right after high school he went off the rails and ended up on meth among other things. It was pretty scary and we kicked him out. We knew where he was and from time to time he’s sor show up on our doorstep, filthy and starving. We’d feed him, let him shower and he’d sleep for a couple days sometimes and then disappear for weeks again. Last year his Dad’s birthday he came home and asked for help. He’s been off the drugs and clean since. ❤️ He got a job at the machine shop where his dad’s worked for over 30 years and he’s thriving there. But, he’s started drinking. At first it was a beer here and there. Then he got trashed a couple times on vodka and we told him he couldn’t continue living here and drink like that. He didn’t fight us, he stopped. No problem, right? Well, I’ve noticed he’s been making a habit of disappearing into his room at night pretty early in the last couple months and spending less time with us in the evenings. I’m not one to snoop in his room, he pays rent, that’s his space. I needed to get something from his closet and noticed cans under the bed one day while he was at work. I picked one up and the alcohol by volume was 11% and there were 12 empty cans under the bed. He’d bought six of them the afternoon before while he was with me around 4pm and apparently drank the six pack that evening and passed out. The other six were from another day. My concern is that he’s drinking in secret AND these aren’t “normal” six packs of beer. These are huge cans and the ABV is almost double. Basically, one of these cans is equal to two standard beers and we can’t get him to understand.
Tonight, I didn’t even know he’d bought any alcohol or had been drinking when I asked if he’d run to the store for me got something. I’m disabled and sometimes I can’t drive. Thankfully he was honest and said he didn’t need to be driving because he’d had a couple beers. I’d been working in my flower beds and asked him to get me some ice and he was so impaired he forgot we had an ice maker.
We need to print out a list of signs that indicate that the things he’s doing signify that he is behaving like a closet alcoholic. He responds well to lists. Can anyone help me with this?
I’m new and I’m looking for a list. We need to sit down and have a “talk” with our son about his drinking.
A little background information… he’s 21, and right after high school he went off the rails and ended up on meth among other things. It was pretty scary and we kicked him out. We knew where he was and from time to time he’s sor show up on our doorstep, filthy and starving. We’d feed him, let him shower and he’d sleep for a couple days sometimes and then disappear for weeks again. Last year his Dad’s birthday he came home and asked for help. He’s been off the drugs and clean since. ❤️ He got a job at the machine shop where his dad’s worked for over 30 years and he’s thriving there. But, he’s started drinking. At first it was a beer here and there. Then he got trashed a couple times on vodka and we told him he couldn’t continue living here and drink like that. He didn’t fight us, he stopped. No problem, right? Well, I’ve noticed he’s been making a habit of disappearing into his room at night pretty early in the last couple months and spending less time with us in the evenings. I’m not one to snoop in his room, he pays rent, that’s his space. I needed to get something from his closet and noticed cans under the bed one day while he was at work. I picked one up and the alcohol by volume was 11% and there were 12 empty cans under the bed. He’d bought six of them the afternoon before while he was with me around 4pm and apparently drank the six pack that evening and passed out. The other six were from another day. My concern is that he’s drinking in secret AND these aren’t “normal” six packs of beer. These are huge cans and the ABV is almost double. Basically, one of these cans is equal to two standard beers and we can’t get him to understand.
Tonight, I didn’t even know he’d bought any alcohol or had been drinking when I asked if he’d run to the store for me got something. I’m disabled and sometimes I can’t drive. Thankfully he was honest and said he didn’t need to be driving because he’d had a couple beers. I’d been working in my flower beds and asked him to get me some ice and he was so impaired he forgot we had an ice maker.
We need to print out a list of signs that indicate that the things he’s doing signify that he is behaving like a closet alcoholic. He responds well to lists. Can anyone help me with this?
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,339
Keep your boundaries.
You set them, made them clear.
Hes crossed your boundary and you are letting him.
i hope you can decide to protect yourselves from further hurt/harm
You set them, made them clear.
Hes crossed your boundary and you are letting him.
i hope you can decide to protect yourselves from further hurt/harm
Member
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Seeking a peaceful state of mind
Posts: 99
That's a tough spot to be in. One of the many reasons I quit drinking was that I felt regularly embarrassed for my kids to see me that way. I didn't want them to see me drink anymore.
I don't know what suggest. I can tell you that the book, Alcohol Explained, by William Porter, helped me more than anything else to really understand what drinking was doing to my brain, hence my body, and of course, my life.
There is a website as well with a video preview of the book:
https://youtu.be/_kn7tMqos0E
If your son is a machinist, he's probably a gear-head of sorts like me. If so, he's very precise and likes explanations that are to the point. The book has short chapters and is a great read. I got the audio book as well and listened to it every night while laying in bed and fell asleep to it many many nights. It helped.
I will pray for your son. May God bless you, your family, and your son with good health, good fortune, and good cheer.
-Max
I don't know what suggest. I can tell you that the book, Alcohol Explained, by William Porter, helped me more than anything else to really understand what drinking was doing to my brain, hence my body, and of course, my life.
There is a website as well with a video preview of the book:
https://youtu.be/_kn7tMqos0E
If your son is a machinist, he's probably a gear-head of sorts like me. If so, he's very precise and likes explanations that are to the point. The book has short chapters and is a great read. I got the audio book as well and listened to it every night while laying in bed and fell asleep to it many many nights. It helped.
I will pray for your son. May God bless you, your family, and your son with good health, good fortune, and good cheer.
-Max
Last edited by Dee74; 06-02-2022 at 09:44 PM. Reason: commercial links removed re PM
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
That's a tough age to get through to someone. Not impossible but we still have that know it all invincible mindset.
I wish my parents had put in the effort you are to get me to realize what I was doing to myself back then.
I see this as addiction replacement.
He gave up the meth, hopefully, but now he is looking for another way "out".
He needs to realize this and figure out and fix why.
I wish I could give you a list of things that would do that but I don't have one.
Hopefully someone will chime in with some suggestions
I wish my parents had put in the effort you are to get me to realize what I was doing to myself back then.
I see this as addiction replacement.
He gave up the meth, hopefully, but now he is looking for another way "out".
He needs to realize this and figure out and fix why.
I wish I could give you a list of things that would do that but I don't have one.
Hopefully someone will chime in with some suggestions
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Hi MammaJax, if you do an internet search on 'am I an alcoholic', you'll find many, many websites that provide lists of traits. They may not list the traits out exactly as they pertain to your 21 year old son, but it might be a good start for you.
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