WindPines

Morning all.
I'm not sure if this belongs here, but I need to write and get it out, especially to other sober people.
I've been sober for a bit over a year, so not sure that counts as early sobriety, but it sure feels early sometimes.
My daughter went to her very first sleepover last night. I felt so confident and equipped to deal with anything that came about. Before dropping her off, I assured her that if she called, I'd be there within minutes (the family she stayed with doesn't live far.) I told her to call ANY time. It felt so good to assure her that I'd be there, because I'm sober and of sound mind and body these days. It feels great!
Well, I woke up at 1am to some neighbors arguing, which never happens. Two doors down, three guys were yelling at each other and shoving each other around. They were slamming things around, slamming things into the side of the house. It was a pretty violent scene. I was going to call the cops, and picked up my phone and realized that I had missed a call, and a text from the friend's mom. My daughter wanted to come home! I missed both call and text, and felt so sick to my stomach, and inept.
I'm just wondering if any of you have any words or experience to share with me in regards to this. I'm feeling so horrible this morning.
My phone volume was on high. I don't get the best reception at my house, but the phone usually does ring when someone calls....
Ugh.

AAPJ

Something similar happened to me the other day with my daughter. We are human and (at least for me) we forget things sometimes like making sure our ringer is on and the phone is next to my head. But if I mess up because I am human and not because I did something I did to cause the problem (like getting drunk and passing out) it's a lot easier to forgive myself.

fishkiller

You weren't drunk
These things happen. You just happened to miss the messages until later.
This day and age it is expected to answer or reply immediately. Sometimes we just can't or don't.

Usually it is when they have to go to bed at a sleepover that they get anxious and want to come home. Once she passed that stage I am sure she was fine.
Explain and apologize then let it go.

calmself

Sorry to hear you missed her call. Maybe I am missing a few facts here. How old is your daughter? Is she is like 4 or 5, I would feel a bit bad. If she is 10+ , then I am wondering why she would call especially if it was a known friend s place. It's not safe or convenient for you either to pick her up at odd hours.

Either ways, don't beat yourself up. Maybe she needs a few more years for sleep overs.

WindPines

Calmself, she's 8. It was her first sleepover. She was probably calling because she couldn't sleep... maybe it was too loud. 11pm is really late for her as she's usually asleep by 8.

Thank you guys for your words. They help so much. I'm feeling so crappy about this today.

Behappy1

Aww, I totally understand how you feel. For me, my kids would automatically assume that I was drinking. Which tears down any trust that I feel that I have built. If it were me, I would explain to her what happened and maybe do something fun with her today. Cook, watch a movie, go out to eat, go for a bike ride, a walk? Anything to get her to talk about her night and why she wanted to come home? I would want to know if she was truly anxious, was she worried about you, did something happen? Maybe let her have a friend over to her house for a sleepover sometime soon? Just my 2 cents. Hugs mom, when things like this happen it really stinks! I know when my family calls and I don't answer or call back in a reasonable amount of time they start thinking the worst. Even if the worst (drinking) isn't happening. It's sometimes annoying, but 100% understandable.

sugarbear1

No need to put energy into something beyond your control. Try not to beat yourself up because you are human. People are not perfect. These are good lessons for your daughter (and you). Try not torturing self for a simple mistake. Treat self compassionately and with love. I'm sure your daughter has survived and is stronger for it!

anxiousrock

I wouldn't be too concerned! She was safe, not sick, or injured or anything like that.
just my 2 cents.

calmself

Ah, got it. My son is 8 as well. I am 90% sure he would have done the same as well Don't worry, just reassure her that you knew she was safe.

Surrendered19

Oh my gosh, don't worry about that WindPines. It is good for our kids to go through anxious moments and see that the sun still comes up. If there was anything serious, the adults in the house would have summoned you accordingly. You did NOTHING at all wrong and certainly nothing to beat yourself up about.

Pekelover2

I can understand how you would feel. But you weren’t drunk. I live on an island and our reception is often spotty.

Delilah1

Congrats on a year+ sober, that is fantastic. Try not to stress too much about missing the call, explain to the mom who was hosting that you somehow had your ringer turned down, and ask her what your daughter was anxious about. If she were really anxious you would have had many missed calls. Hopefully she was able to settle in and feel more comfortable as the night went on.