Back to starting over
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,101
Back to starting over
yeah, I screwed up again.. I hate myself. go head everyone--pile on and tell me how bad I suck. I've called an outpatient client and also my local AA--so before you all jump on me like you have in the past--I am trying.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,598
You don't suck samwitch.
Just about all of us have relapsed. Anyone who tells you you suck, sucks more.
Keep trying and you'll get there, but don't suffer unnecessarily, sobriety is so much better.
Just about all of us have relapsed. Anyone who tells you you suck, sucks more.
Keep trying and you'll get there, but don't suffer unnecessarily, sobriety is so much better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm pretty confident no one here will give you (or your AV) an excuse to say 'screw you guys' and go drink so more.
no one beats ourselves up better than we do, Sam.
Every mistaken return to drinking gives us more ammunition, more data, to make a different choice next time.
I have faith in you to be one of those who makes a permanent change
D
no one beats ourselves up better than we do, Sam.
Every mistaken return to drinking gives us more ammunition, more data, to make a different choice next time.
I have faith in you to be one of those who makes a permanent change
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Hi Sam. I'm glad you posted about what happened. We understand like no one else can!
The last time that happened to me - it really was the last time. I was so exhausted from trying to manage my drinking. It was never really fun anymore. I was doing reckless things & letting everyone down. I finally understood that being a social drinker was impossible for me. I was sad & sorry for myself in the begining, but I gradually grew to love being free of it. We know you can do this, Sam.
The last time that happened to me - it really was the last time. I was so exhausted from trying to manage my drinking. It was never really fun anymore. I was doing reckless things & letting everyone down. I finally understood that being a social drinker was impossible for me. I was sad & sorry for myself in the begining, but I gradually grew to love being free of it. We know you can do this, Sam.
I started over multiple times....try not to be too hard on yourself....you don't suck! Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
I’ve relapsed so many times I have literally lost count.
Only in the last few years, in the “postmortem” post-hangover, did I start carefully and honestly deconstructing what happened right before I started drinking, what led to that, and how I could tighten my sobriety plan to make that particular reason to drink hard or impossible to “use” again to relapse.
This actually has helped hugely, and made success much easier though I am still building recovery as a process, not a product.
Maybe try this when you are feeling a bit better if you haven’t done it—writing it down is best I think—and take it easy on yourself meanwhile: You are battling an addiction, and that is an admirable thing.
Glad you are back!
Only in the last few years, in the “postmortem” post-hangover, did I start carefully and honestly deconstructing what happened right before I started drinking, what led to that, and how I could tighten my sobriety plan to make that particular reason to drink hard or impossible to “use” again to relapse.
This actually has helped hugely, and made success much easier though I am still building recovery as a process, not a product.
Maybe try this when you are feeling a bit better if you haven’t done it—writing it down is best I think—and take it easy on yourself meanwhile: You are battling an addiction, and that is an admirable thing.
Glad you are back!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 12,495
You by no means suck. I have had several day ones, more then I can count. You are amazing and strong because you are here on SR. If it works for you check in daily for support. That is what I have done, also to make me accountable. I wish you the very best. I understand how hard this is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,101
I am still so mad at myself. I have had such a good streak of sober days and I just blew it--I don't know why. Well I guess I do know why, I decided to cave. I need to get back to where I was a few years back where I was happily sober for years +.
I know it's a better life.
I know it's a better life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Sobriety is not linear. Its not an "I quit" and then everything is good and we are sober for the rest of our lives. Most people will go through a series of relapses. It is the rare individual who is able to quit on their first try and never look back.
I dont understand why people would "pile" up on you? It sounds like you are beating yourself up pretty good, in my opinion. I do understand the dynamic of relapse and what that means in my life. I relapsed numerous times. I can also understand another persons relapse. Its terrible. Feels terrible, Looks terrible. All around regretful.
Give yourself a little breathing room and have some compassion for yourself. You can overcome this challenge and come out the other side with more knowledge of yourself and what triggers the active drinking.
There is a good podcast called "Heart of the Matter." Its about recovery from alcoholism and addiction. I like to listen to this podcast on Saturdays. Keeping my mind in recovery.
You got this. Move forward.
I dont understand why people would "pile" up on you? It sounds like you are beating yourself up pretty good, in my opinion. I do understand the dynamic of relapse and what that means in my life. I relapsed numerous times. I can also understand another persons relapse. Its terrible. Feels terrible, Looks terrible. All around regretful.
Give yourself a little breathing room and have some compassion for yourself. You can overcome this challenge and come out the other side with more knowledge of yourself and what triggers the active drinking.
There is a good podcast called "Heart of the Matter." Its about recovery from alcoholism and addiction. I like to listen to this podcast on Saturdays. Keeping my mind in recovery.
You got this. Move forward.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hi Samwitch,
I heard this on a recovery podcast, "don't let the perfect ruin the good ".
No one of us is perfect. You've been on the good path, and it sounds like you're planning for more tools for your toolbox. You're back here, and I can't imagine you would receive anything but support. Be kind to yourself!
I heard this on a recovery podcast, "don't let the perfect ruin the good ".
No one of us is perfect. You've been on the good path, and it sounds like you're planning for more tools for your toolbox. You're back here, and I can't imagine you would receive anything but support. Be kind to yourself!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
It's happened to many of us, Samwitch. I had over three years then got careless and slipped up, and have had difficulty getting back to long term sobriety. It gets harder with time, but you have proven you can do it. We have to use all the tools available and remember that ANY thought of drinking is coming from the AV. Dismiss those thoughts, find healthy distractions and NEVER take that first drink - and you will get through this.
You went through a booze filled conference recently and sometimes I found that I relapsed AFTER holding it together through some event - work, family holidays, etc. It's like a delayed reaction and I could point to lots of reasons - celebrating my "win", hidden resentment, or not wanting to drink openly. In any case I suggest a rigorous examination of your thoughts preceding your slip.
We are here for you and you CAN do this, Samwitch.
You went through a booze filled conference recently and sometimes I found that I relapsed AFTER holding it together through some event - work, family holidays, etc. It's like a delayed reaction and I could point to lots of reasons - celebrating my "win", hidden resentment, or not wanting to drink openly. In any case I suggest a rigorous examination of your thoughts preceding your slip.
We are here for you and you CAN do this, Samwitch.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
As has been said, we have all relapsed, many, many times, so we all get it, and know how bad it makes you feel.
Maybe this time will be the last time you relapse , maybe it wont, but you are in a good place for this to work for you. I know you can do it - I know every one of us can do - will we do it is another matter.
Rooting for you.
Maybe this time will be the last time you relapse , maybe it wont, but you are in a good place for this to work for you. I know you can do it - I know every one of us can do - will we do it is another matter.
Rooting for you.
xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Sam - you don’t need to hate yourself for this, we’ve all been there, quitting alcohol is not easy.
You can do this, but you will need to change something on your plan.
We are here to support you all the way.
My best wishes to you.
You can do this, but you will need to change something on your plan.
We are here to support you all the way.
My best wishes to you.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,041
My skull is very thick, it took many relapses for it to actually sink in that drinking will kick my butt every single time! As long as you are trying, you are not a failure. No one is better at beating us up that we are at beating up ourselves! Be kind to yourself, we are only human after all.
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