Day One
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
Sorry Peke;
I’ve had plenty of Day 1s myself and know that bitter feeling too well.
Be kind to yourself and well done on self-analysis—implementing changes to weaknesses in my sobriety plan was absolutely key to getting past Day 1 cycle for me—
Soldier on!
I’ve had plenty of Day 1s myself and know that bitter feeling too well.
Be kind to yourself and well done on self-analysis—implementing changes to weaknesses in my sobriety plan was absolutely key to getting past Day 1 cycle for me—
Soldier on!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,355
(I hope this isn’t a trigger for anyone. Please note this is a trigger warning!!)
I’m really angry with myself.
My AV told me that I needed a glass of wine to relax. That’s cr$p. I was feeling fine. I wasn’t anxious in the least. My husband and I were having a fine time watching the Academy Awards. He was drinking. This isn’t an issue for me. But I ended up drinking 2/3rds of a bottle of wine.
I ended up texting something kind of…Idk. It wasn’t very polite. It wasn’t impolite. But it wasn’t something that I would normally say or write. How old am I??? Twelve?? I’m so angry with myself.
This is not okay.
I’m really angry with myself.
My AV told me that I needed a glass of wine to relax. That’s cr$p. I was feeling fine. I wasn’t anxious in the least. My husband and I were having a fine time watching the Academy Awards. He was drinking. This isn’t an issue for me. But I ended up drinking 2/3rds of a bottle of wine.
I ended up texting something kind of…Idk. It wasn’t very polite. It wasn’t impolite. But it wasn’t something that I would normally say or write. How old am I??? Twelve?? I’m so angry with myself.
This is not okay.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Please don't beat yourself up, Peke. We've all succumbed to those sudden sneak attacks by the AV that seemingly come out of nowhere. Treat this as a learning experience. Examine the thoughts you had before caving because THAT process is what we have to change. It is one reason I like the RR/AVRT approach because it is a permanent commitment to not drink, so drinking is simply not an option. It takes all that effort out of it. Once we make that commitment, the AV rapidly diminishes in strength and frequency.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
Hi Peke, I sympathise as living with a drinker, even a moderate one, makes it harder to quit.
You know that the irony here (which we’ve all been through) is that you needed to relax because your body wanted alcohol. If you’d never touched alcohol or grew up in another culture without the stuff, you wouldn’t need alcohol to relax, would you? It’s quite a cycle to break free from, but it can be done.
I’m not pointing fingers, but does your husband know you want to quit? I’m not suggesting he quits in sympathy, but he could support you and remind you that plan to quit.
And this might not go down well, but here goes. Is TV (academy awards?) a trigger? I always say that quitting alcohol isn’t something done in isolation. Other things need to change. Since I quit, I’ve gone from watching hours of TV a day to probably one hour a week. Think very seriously about some other changes.
You know that the irony here (which we’ve all been through) is that you needed to relax because your body wanted alcohol. If you’d never touched alcohol or grew up in another culture without the stuff, you wouldn’t need alcohol to relax, would you? It’s quite a cycle to break free from, but it can be done.
I’m not pointing fingers, but does your husband know you want to quit? I’m not suggesting he quits in sympathy, but he could support you and remind you that plan to quit.
And this might not go down well, but here goes. Is TV (academy awards?) a trigger? I always say that quitting alcohol isn’t something done in isolation. Other things need to change. Since I quit, I’ve gone from watching hours of TV a day to probably one hour a week. Think very seriously about some other changes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,355
Hodd,
What you wrote is so well-said. In many cultures alcohol isn’t an option when you need to “relax”….
My husband knows that I’m trying to quit. I don’t feel it necessary that he hide his drinking or abstain from it. If it’s not him drinking, it’ll be one of my family members of a friend. I truly feel that it’s like my eating disorder. Food (and alcohol) are everywhere. You have to learn to live with it being ubiquitous…
Advbike,
This is such wise advice. I’m trying to relive the moment from last night…
what made me feel like I needed that glass of wine??
And I had an early orthopedic appointment today. I knew at 5am that I wouldn’t be well enough to drive to it.
Guiltily I called their office. I was planning to tell them that I was sick.
Turns out the doctor was legitimately sick... so I got lucky. The office was so apologetic. And here I was about to cancel on them.
Today I feel sick. My mood is sad. I look awful. My pallor is pale.
What you wrote is so well-said. In many cultures alcohol isn’t an option when you need to “relax”….
My husband knows that I’m trying to quit. I don’t feel it necessary that he hide his drinking or abstain from it. If it’s not him drinking, it’ll be one of my family members of a friend. I truly feel that it’s like my eating disorder. Food (and alcohol) are everywhere. You have to learn to live with it being ubiquitous…
Advbike,
This is such wise advice. I’m trying to relive the moment from last night…
what made me feel like I needed that glass of wine??
And I had an early orthopedic appointment today. I knew at 5am that I wouldn’t be well enough to drive to it.
Guiltily I called their office. I was planning to tell them that I was sick.
Turns out the doctor was legitimately sick... so I got lucky. The office was so apologetic. And here I was about to cancel on them.
Today I feel sick. My mood is sad. I look awful. My pallor is pale.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I'm so glad you posted about what happened, Peke. This happened to me a few times - I learned something each time. Finally, I was disgusted with myself & I had the determination I needed. In the early months the temptations kept coming at me, but each time I made it over one of those hurdles I grew stronger.
We have to remember that tempting glass of wine is never going to take us where we imagine it will. It leads to agitation, misery, anger - nothing fun or good. You dont need it, and you can get free.
We have to remember that tempting glass of wine is never going to take us where we imagine it will. It leads to agitation, misery, anger - nothing fun or good. You dont need it, and you can get free.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
I understand where you are coming from Peke - the call of the wine and there can be it seems a thousand reasons to drink it. But we know that there is never any reason to drink it because if we do the same old hamster wheel of cr** starts turning, guilt, regret, shame. bleary eyes, poor skin, the list goes on!
So play the tape forward, remember it really will be the same outcome every time - Well done for posting and getting back here so quickly!
So play the tape forward, remember it really will be the same outcome every time - Well done for posting and getting back here so quickly!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
It's good you came back so quickly Peke. Tighten up your recovery plan so this doesn't happen again and you'll be well on your way to never feeling like you need alcohol again. The sooner you realize there is nothing left in that glass of wine for you, the sooner you won't have to have the debate with yourself, and your AV won't stand a chance. Just keep going.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,355
Thank you as so much for these insightful comments.
I greatly appreciate all that you wrote. Knowledge is key. And instead of beating myself up about what happened last night. I’m going to try to gain some insight from it.
Deep breath and a big smile. On we go.
I greatly appreciate all that you wrote. Knowledge is key. And instead of beating myself up about what happened last night. I’m going to try to gain some insight from it.
Deep breath and a big smile. On we go.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
My AV used to tell me all kinds of crap.
But to its horror I Don't Drink Anymore. No Matter What.
The raging beast is barely a whimper anymore.
I know you are going through a lot at the present but that's where the No Matter What comes in.
You can quit. But not until you make that rule a law.
No Matter What
But to its horror I Don't Drink Anymore. No Matter What.
The raging beast is barely a whimper anymore.
I know you are going through a lot at the present but that's where the No Matter What comes in.
You can quit. But not until you make that rule a law.
No Matter What
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
Pretty much on the cards Peke, if you ask me. You've been through a lot. Taking the pressure down. Go easy on yourself Peke.
It's over and done with now, and now you know it doesn't work.
Other ways to reduce the pressure.
It's over and done with now, and now you know it doesn't work.
Other ways to reduce the pressure.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I hope you continue to heal up Peke. Drinking will do nothing for you. You know that. Once I realized that the only drink I ever ever had any control over at all was that first drink, that became a good tool in my tool box. Sort of focus that makes sense. Once we take that first drink we will never have control over the rest. We crossed a line somewhere and we can't un-cross it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
For most people, myself included, quitting drinking is a series of starts and stops. Quitting does not happen in the ways we think it would. I battled my own drinking problem for a decade. Months of sobriety followed by a relapse. Its painful. Give yourself some breathing room and know that you will get to where you need to be. Just keep moving forward with resolve and a determination that you will free yourself from alcohol. You will get there. I believe in you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I beat myself up for failing too. Maybe it's part of the process, and it seemed justified at the time. In retrospect, maybe it wasn't justified. I was failing because I didn't know what to do. I wanted to get well with my whole heart. I never really looked into what I needed to do that much, because I wanted to get well "on my terms."
The scare quotes are just there to underscore the meaninglessness of that phrase. I wanted to get well, but not without drinking. But after much beating myself up, I was driven to find help, and even willing for the first time in my life to try quitting for good when someone calmly suggested it. I was just willing to try it, not knowing if I would even like it. That no compromise realization forced to me actually start planning strategies to deal with triggers, which initially meant just avoiding them. There are triggers inside of us, however. And those must be confronted. While all of those are flawed logic (bull$hit), they are not always immediately recognizable, but any craving is recognizable, so that required no logic to realize it was a no compromise situation
Perhaps the most helpful insight I had in early recovery, was that I had to quit compromising on the drinking issue. If those were "my terms", I had to surrender and give up that perspective. As it turned out, this was not difficult at all. I had just found something useful, as opposed to self defeating, and I was sick of beating myself up. So I guess beating myself may have done some good after all. I don't know this for sure, but it does seem like it to me. And the best way to quit beating myself up was to stop doing what I was beating myself up for.
The scare quotes are just there to underscore the meaninglessness of that phrase. I wanted to get well, but not without drinking. But after much beating myself up, I was driven to find help, and even willing for the first time in my life to try quitting for good when someone calmly suggested it. I was just willing to try it, not knowing if I would even like it. That no compromise realization forced to me actually start planning strategies to deal with triggers, which initially meant just avoiding them. There are triggers inside of us, however. And those must be confronted. While all of those are flawed logic (bull$hit), they are not always immediately recognizable, but any craving is recognizable, so that required no logic to realize it was a no compromise situation
Perhaps the most helpful insight I had in early recovery, was that I had to quit compromising on the drinking issue. If those were "my terms", I had to surrender and give up that perspective. As it turned out, this was not difficult at all. I had just found something useful, as opposed to self defeating, and I was sick of beating myself up. So I guess beating myself may have done some good after all. I don't know this for sure, but it does seem like it to me. And the best way to quit beating myself up was to stop doing what I was beating myself up for.
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