Quitorelse

I am back but not in good shape! I can't seem to find the guts to put the bottle down!
I am scared! I feel like I am trying to drink myself to death!

Anna

I'm glad you're back. It takes a leap of faith to stop drinking and to have hope that things will work out. I hope that you are ready to make the commitment.

ChloeRose63

What's going on? Talk to us, please.

Steely

Welcome back Quitorelse

I could say it doesn't take guts, or I could say you're going to have to find the guts. Everyone's different.

You didn't really say much about what's going on for you except that you fear drinking yourself to death, which seems enough reason to find whatever guts it takes.

I see you've posted previously, what went wrong with your original decision to quit? Did you think that you could moderate?

Anyone can quit drinking if they so desire. Most of us falter along the way.

I hope you continue to return here to talk about your early struggles. It gets easier, believe me.

DriGuy

I was scared too, but fear was not about the prospect of quitting. It was about drinking myself to death. More specifically, it was about drinking myself to insanity, but whatever.

Finding the guts to quit was not the problem for me. But I'm not sure what "guts" means to you. I had to decide to quit, and then formulate a PLAN on how to achieve that; What to do. What not to do. That sort of thing. It wasn't about guts. We don't approach this problem by strength or guts. Reason and logic were what I used. OK, the cravings took will power (guts maybe), but thankfully, only for a short time. Abstinence removes the cravings.

I'm with ChloeRose and Steely. Tell us what's going on.

ToughChoices

Quitting was scary for me because I had slowly trained my brain to require “outside assistance” to deal with stress, boredom, excitement, and anxiety (read: normal life). As soon as the stressors come, my brain screams for HELP!!!

I was miserable using but terrified of stopping. For me, eventually, my misery outweighed my terror. It felt better to fess up, own up, grow up, and go through some new pain than to continue hurting in the same awful cycle.

It is normal to be afraid! But the fear will eventually go away when you remove the alcohol. The misery of drinking/using only gets worse as you continue on that path.

You are here. You are brave. We can help you deal with the fear and step into your solution. You can stop!

Much love,
TC

Hevyn

Hi Quitorelse. It's a good sign that you posted & wanted to talk about what's going on.

I know you can quit because I did after 30 yrs. - & in the end, all day drinking. I never imagined I could cut myself loose from it. When I began interacting here at SR I finally found the courage & strength to stop destroying myself. I didn't expect an online forum to help, but not feeling alone made all the difference for me. It does feel strange when we first let go of it - but gradually our new life far surpasses that old, sick one. We're with you.

Hodd

You’re not drinking yourself to death. You want to quit and have acknowledged you have a problem with drink (as we all did/do).

and what Steely said above. You need to make changes. Keep us posted as we’ve all been there and can help.

Nonsensical

I used to think I was trying to kill myself, too.
I knew if I kept drinking awful things were going to happen, but I kept drinking anyway. Therefore, I must want to die.

Turns out it wasn't true. I didn't want to die. I just wanted to pretend there were no consequences to my drinking. Or that 'one more time' wouldn't make things worse.

So glad I stopped doing that. I hope you do too!

Dee74

Hi Quit

Its gonna be Ok

when it came down to it, I just had to quit.

I picked a day and stopped drinking that day. I made sure I had no more booze and made myself sit tight and not get any more.

it wasn’t easy by any means but it was achievable.

I think that holds true for the vast majority of us here.

If you’re worried about withdrawal, get your Dr involved?

D

SoberLeigh

Good to see you posting again, Quitorelse.

I was desperate, too, and knew that I had to muster a firm resolve never to drink again - ever, never. We can help you with that resolve. The One Day At A Time adage is so very true and so very helpful. Commit each morning to remaining sober for that day; don’t look to tomorrow - just commit for that day. Make the same commitment tomorrow, the day after, the day after that, etc. It is initially, perhaps, the most useful key to sobriety.

Quitorelse

Okay! I got drunk yesterday!
I have friends coming over to my house today to get all the alcohol out of the house!
I am going to see if I can find an AA meeting close by! I live out in the middle of nowhere soI am not sure where there are any!
I have to make it through this day/hour/minute!

VikingGF

You can do it, Quitorelse. Find the support you need (GREAT that you are asking for help!!!) and keep coming here. It will all be ok- keep going and don't drink, no matter what.

nez

Hi Quitorelse. I got to the point where I was scared to drink and I was scared not to drink. It was absolute hell. A prison. The only way out was obvious but it was truly frightening.
My journey started with 15 minute increments. I figured anybody could go 15 minutes and that the alcohol would still be there if I wanted it. When alcohol would be screaming my name, I would go out for a 15 minute walk to give my mind something else to focus on. Many times, it would take a second walk. Sometimes a third. Eventually I made it to freedom. I don't need to drink. I don't want to drink. The shackles alcohol had me in have been cut off.

Alcoholics can be found anywhere, even in the middle of nowhere, which is where I live; and because we can be found anywhere, so can you find AA meetings. A year or so back, my nearest neighbor wanted help with stopping drinking. He knew I didn't drink and he had to only reach out to his "next" door neighbor to find another alcoholic and one who was in AA.

If you are at all like me, drinking is hell and initially, not drinking is hell as well; but with help and work the one type of hell ends, the other hell ends in death and there is no guarantee the hell ends there.

I am glad you are here. We can do this together!

Dee74

what about online meetings?
D

dustyfox

You need to stop drinking, don't over think it, just stop, you will feel better in your self if you do and there are many people here to help you through it. I think you can do this.

D122y

Education about what I was dealing with is how I stay clean.

Folks treating booze/drugs like some sort of magical potion or living spirit don't see what I see.

Booze/drugs alter our ability to cope with life. Happy, sad, anger, frustration, indifferent (e.g f@#$ it!) etc etc. are all triggers.

Our brain is forever damaged. The memory of the ability to make it all go away or to enhance the experience never leaves us.

It is all about comfort vs anxiety. Drugs offer the delusional wave of happiness or reassurance that fades quickly. Some of the drugs out there keep the user high for hours and hours (fentanyl or bath salts etc). Those are the ones that are standing with their heads hanging like a real life zombie. Terrifying.

Remembering that I will crave for life, I am never out of the woods and knowing the crave will dissipate like smoke in a room is how I get through. Also, waking up as strong as possible each day. The first words before I sleep and when I wake up are "Thank you Jesus for another sober day."

Suffering and time. The addiction morphs.

The mind does not heal as much as we get used to what is left. Each relapse does more damage that exponentially increases recovery time. There is always getting out, but sometimes there is obvious permanent damage (off balance, slurred words, lazy eyes etc etc) that gets better but never goes away.

Thanks for the therapy.

Quitorelse

I drank again last night! I just can't seem to stop! The addiction is really strong! I am sick of hearing myself talking about it! I feel so pathetic!

Hodd

On the practical side, you mentioned friends coming to get the alcohol out the house. That sounded like a doubly great plan as you also let friends know you’re quitting. Did this happen? You don’t want any alcohol on the house.

You’re far from pathetic. You’re making a real go of this.

Dee74

Hi quit

in order to stay sober I had to do more for my recovery than I did to continue drinking.

You’ve posted here a few times, but outside of that It seems like you’re gravitating solely to the drinking side of the ledger lately.

What about making a few entries on the other recovery based side today?
you have the power to make good recovery based choices today

D