Please be quiet AV
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,357
Please be quiet AV
Hi friends
I learned about AV when I joint SR. I had no idea that “it” had a name. I thought that it (AV) was unique to me. And I thought that whenever things went badly that I alone had this little voice in my head that would coax me into drinking. I was so glad when I came here and I heard that there was a word for it.
I’ve been struggling lately. And my AV has come up with a huge long list of bad things in order to try to coax me to drink.
1. I was cycling and collided with a truck back in December and received many injuries.
2. Scheduled for surgery yesterday in an attempt to fix one of my injuries (broken finger). Shockingly, I was Covid positive. So the surgery will be postponed for another month.
3. My cousin dropped dead while cycling in January from an undiagnosed heart condition.
4. Shortly after my cousin‘s death, my other cousin committed suicide.
5. There is a chance that I might have uterine cancer. I cannot get the biopsy done until mid-April. Until then I’m a nervous wreck.
6. My jaw is broken and will require surgery. It’s (another) left over incident from my accident.
7. My husband is overwhelmed at work with very sick ppl. And with ppl who constantly yell at him and who blame him for covid safety rules
8. New orthopedic surgeon says that I can’t run for one month due to edema on my knee from my accident.
All of these things are making my AV coax/lure me to drink.
But. Heck with you AV. Heck with you.
Look at what’s good AV:
1. Despite being hit by a small truck, I can walk/run hike. My body has no pain at all. (Even my jaw isn’t too bad).
2. I have a loving husband who is my bf.
3. I have three adorable dogs who think that the sun and moon rise around me.
4. I have a wonderful aunt and incredible cousins
5. I have incredible friends who will listen to me. And these friends have supported me through so many situations.
6. My husband’s cancer scare turned out to be nothing.
Drinking never helps me, AV. Never. You convinced me to drink last week. Not once. But twice. (I used to be a once-month-drinker). Drinking made me even more depressed and (more) anxious than I was beforehand. You ruined my attempt at trying to be positive. You’re a bad influence on me. Leave me alone!
I’m sad and disappointed in myself.
Thanks for listening.
I learned about AV when I joint SR. I had no idea that “it” had a name. I thought that it (AV) was unique to me. And I thought that whenever things went badly that I alone had this little voice in my head that would coax me into drinking. I was so glad when I came here and I heard that there was a word for it.
I’ve been struggling lately. And my AV has come up with a huge long list of bad things in order to try to coax me to drink.
1. I was cycling and collided with a truck back in December and received many injuries.
2. Scheduled for surgery yesterday in an attempt to fix one of my injuries (broken finger). Shockingly, I was Covid positive. So the surgery will be postponed for another month.
3. My cousin dropped dead while cycling in January from an undiagnosed heart condition.
4. Shortly after my cousin‘s death, my other cousin committed suicide.
5. There is a chance that I might have uterine cancer. I cannot get the biopsy done until mid-April. Until then I’m a nervous wreck.
6. My jaw is broken and will require surgery. It’s (another) left over incident from my accident.
7. My husband is overwhelmed at work with very sick ppl. And with ppl who constantly yell at him and who blame him for covid safety rules
8. New orthopedic surgeon says that I can’t run for one month due to edema on my knee from my accident.
All of these things are making my AV coax/lure me to drink.
But. Heck with you AV. Heck with you.
Look at what’s good AV:
1. Despite being hit by a small truck, I can walk/run hike. My body has no pain at all. (Even my jaw isn’t too bad).
2. I have a loving husband who is my bf.
3. I have three adorable dogs who think that the sun and moon rise around me.
4. I have a wonderful aunt and incredible cousins
5. I have incredible friends who will listen to me. And these friends have supported me through so many situations.
6. My husband’s cancer scare turned out to be nothing.
Drinking never helps me, AV. Never. You convinced me to drink last week. Not once. But twice. (I used to be a once-month-drinker). Drinking made me even more depressed and (more) anxious than I was beforehand. You ruined my attempt at trying to be positive. You’re a bad influence on me. Leave me alone!
I’m sad and disappointed in myself.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,421
Peke, you certainly have a lot going on, and it's admirable how you came here, made a list and found all the positives. Add that you are successfully not drinking this week. That's a big one! Keep going.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
So glad to hear from you, Peke, and that you are alright, and your husband is too. All I can say is that this is a process. As we learn more about it we naturally begin to cut down and try to quit, however in my experience our addiction can also fight harder to preserve the status quo. It will create many potential concerns, and reasons to drink. Remember - any thought of a drink comes from your addiction.
You are really strong though! I believe you will beat it. and have a good life.
You are really strong though! I believe you will beat it. and have a good life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,357
Thank you Dee.
I have a lot of support to offer to others here. I want to help and to be helped.
Advbike-
it truly shocked me when the new orthopedic surgeon told me that I couldn’t run or cycle or hike. I think she saw the look on my face like a child about to cry. I already had to stop my activities after my accident. And when you are a person who is very type A it’s hard to curb your athletic endeavors. She told me that I can do core work and that I can do upper body weight lifting. So I’m doing a lot of that. I think that I need to get into meditation or some thing to help with the anxiety. Thank you so much for your support.
I have a lot of support to offer to others here. I want to help and to be helped.
Advbike-
it truly shocked me when the new orthopedic surgeon told me that I couldn’t run or cycle or hike. I think she saw the look on my face like a child about to cry. I already had to stop my activities after my accident. And when you are a person who is very type A it’s hard to curb your athletic endeavors. She told me that I can do core work and that I can do upper body weight lifting. So I’m doing a lot of that. I think that I need to get into meditation or some thing to help with the anxiety. Thank you so much for your support.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Hi Peke, i can relate to a lot of what's going on in you're life (deaths, one after another, AV) when i first came here i kept thinking what is everyone talking about AV, finally i asked, i thought it was also just me that had this voice telling me things, AV can be the sneakiest little sh*t going, it creeps up, stick around here and keep posting, these guys are great for support and wisdom, i hope everything turns around for the better for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Brutal. You're showing strength by posting here though. The no running for a month must be hard but maybe think of it as a rest you can cone back stronger from? I couldn't do without it long-term in recovery. I've got a pain in my foot I hope the physio I'm seeing doesn't tell me I can't. That's so sad about your cousins, and everything else, too though.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
It's good to see you Peke. You really have a lot going on, but reading through your 'positive' list tells me that you can see your way through these things, as long as you remain sober. 
It almost seems like the universe is telling you to slow down just a bit, to be kind and gentle with yourself, and to focus on your sobriety. There is no failure when you are back and working on staying sober.
It almost seems like the universe is telling you to slow down just a bit, to be kind and gentle with yourself, and to focus on your sobriety. There is no failure when you are back and working on staying sober. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,357
Anna,
as always your posts are sweet, supportive and insightful. Thank you!!
nonsensical,
I think that my AV wants to kill me. Thank you for reminding me how unscrupulous it is.
Thanks Steely. It’s good to be “home”.
Tetrax,
My physician said that I can do abdominal work and upper body weights, I will focus on that for now. I’ll probably look like a mini Mr. T after this month, lol. But still, it’s something that I can do to feel fit and centered. Thank you for your response. I hope that your foot is okay. Is this a recent pain? Or is it from an earlier injury?
Mummy,
Your response meant so much to me. Honestly the AV coax’s me weekly (sometimes daily now) to drink. It sees the worst in my life. And it wants for me to throw the towel in. Fighting it is tricky. Thank you for your reply.
Good to be back Free2!
as always your posts are sweet, supportive and insightful. Thank you!!
nonsensical,
I think that my AV wants to kill me. Thank you for reminding me how unscrupulous it is.
Thanks Steely. It’s good to be “home”.
Tetrax,
My physician said that I can do abdominal work and upper body weights, I will focus on that for now. I’ll probably look like a mini Mr. T after this month, lol. But still, it’s something that I can do to feel fit and centered. Thank you for your response. I hope that your foot is okay. Is this a recent pain? Or is it from an earlier injury?
Mummy,
Your response meant so much to me. Honestly the AV coax’s me weekly (sometimes daily now) to drink. It sees the worst in my life. And it wants for me to throw the towel in. Fighting it is tricky. Thank you for your reply.
Good to be back Free2!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
