QuitWhileAhead

I was doing really well. I stayed off the drink all of December and well into January, and I wasn’t really even tempted to drink. Holiday season came and went, and I didn’t have a problem to not drink, I didn’t even think about it. Which perhaps was the problem.

What happened was that I started traveling for work again, kicking it off with a conference in Florida. It was quite a glamorous event, 5 star hotel with ocean front room, beautiful weather, evening galas and rooftop cocktail events. The whole thing. And for the first time since quitting I didn’t want to not drink anymore. So I drank.

As a drinker, my problem has never been that I get too drunk and embarrass myself, and I didn’t have any problems pacing myself this time either. Everything was great during the conference. My problem was that I kept drinking when the conference was over; My travels continued (I’ve had a lot of client meetings lately), and I kept drinking. On the plane (when just a couple of weeks earlier I had no trouble not drinking on the plane) and airport lounges, in hotel bars, and finally in the hotel rooms when I wouldn’t bother going to the bar anymore.

I end up being moderately drunk most of the time, and that is very far away from the glamorous nights that got me pick up that drink again in the first place. My problem is not that I can’t control how drunk I get, it’s that I can’t control how often I drink.

So, again I find myself saying “enough is enough”, it’s just not worth it. I don’t have any travel planned for a while now, so I’ll use that opportunity to get myself removed from the drink again, come to SR daily, and build up the good habits that I had. I need to come up with a better plan to not drink during those perfect moments/evenings, because what follows is a long line of non-perfect moments/evenings, and what follows after that is just a long line of miserable moments, and I don’t want to go back there.

So, day 1 again. It’s good to be back.

AAPJ

Glad you are back. Airport drinking is so overrated. Last time I was at the airport I watched the drinkers rush through their drinks and run to the bathroom. Travel is a lot easier sober.

DriGuy

That's addiction for you. You can stop and you are a normal person, but one that doesn't drink. But one drink or one conference, and the addiction is reset to on, and no matter how well you did when it was off, it is now on again, and each time it gets a little harder to turn it off.

Yep your addiction is now turned on again, and with that comes the escalation and all the rest of the associated problems. And kindling makes it worse each time.

If you have any plan for dealing with these situations at all, it's not a very good one. Knowing that you shouldn't start drinking when everything is going perfectly, isn't a plan. It's information. A plan is something you do based on the information you have. A plan leads to an action. But "no plan" also leads to an action. In this case, it's an inappropriate action.

One drink turns the addiction and it's associated problems on. The conference doesn't do that, it's the first drink at the conference. Each time the addiction is turned on, it becomes harder to turn it off. You already have all the information you need. You know this from personal experience.

The Rational Recovery program's "Big Plan" is simple; "I will never take another drink ever." If you adopt this plan you will be fine. That is adopt it, not just read it. It's simple, but not always easy to understand and even easy to forget. One has to take it seriously, and brutally ask, "What part of "never" don't I understand?"

It applies in every situation, even when the setting is perfect, and maybe more importantly, it requires thinking about whether you want to make the commitment. But that is true whether you are a follower of Rational Recovery, SMART, AA, or just doing it on your own. It's the one universal necessity that transcends all programs of recovery.

Welcome back.

doggonecarl

There are no perfect moments to drink. They are a construct of your addiction. You are creating perfect moments to drink...to drink. To reiterate what DriGuy said in his post, you have to take drinking off the table. Completely.

Mizz

It is good you made it back and are ready to tackle this part of yourself and get on with your life. Sobriety can be a beautiful thing. It is not easy and there will always be times that come along to challenge our resolve. Beautiful sunsets, perfect weather, old friends, and days where we think we deserve a drink or want a drink.....or its been long enough. The challenge is truly in those moments. Getting through those moments and standing firm in our resolve is what matters. You can do this. I believe in you.

Surrendered19

You'll get this figured out QWA. As you said up front, you have to think about your sobriety and work it and work a plan before the galas and the parties start. I learned very early on that the only times my nag-headed head wants to drink are during celebratory occasions like weddings, graduations, birthday parties. So now, I actively think about and plan for those events when they are upcoming. Two years in, the mere act of planning it out, planning for an escape strategy, thinking about the event itself, has been enough to keep me sober, and I attend those events and have a grand time now.

It becomes less work all the time too. You get into the habit of doing some extra thinking and extra planning and all it takes now is a few moments to focus on the fact that a trigger lies ahead. Admitting that I am not perfect and staring the monster in the face seems to be working.