lessgravity

Treasure and protect my sobriety above all. There's not a doubt or even a passing urge to surf, I am sure in my sobriety. But I'm on a little trip with my wife, beautiful beaches, amazing food, no kids, just the two of us and she has a drink or two, maybe three, during the day. She's conscious of it, asks if it's OK and all and it is OK. My problem with drinking is not hers and if it relaxes her, makes her have a little more fun, then I am not going to be the reason she doesn't drink.

Today I'm just acknowledging that I felt frustrated that there wasn't something I could do to get that silly, carefree mood she gets with a drink. She seldom drinks in our normal life, never by herself like in vacation, and even then only a glass or two with friends.

It is what it is. I'm not going to ever drink again, I'm very aware of all the wonderful things my sobriety has brought me. But sometimes there's this little bit of childish annoyance that bubbles up in situations like this. Grateful for SR to share.

Surrendered19

I hear what you are saying LG. There are a few of my friends and relatives who are very reserved people but then become chatterboxes when they've had a few drinks. I only see them like that a few times per year. I wish we had such open conversations all the other times I see them.

Sammy1980

I feel the same! Every once in a while, I wish I could just have a drink or two.
I have wondered for the people that were able to go back to drinking with no problem was it because they didn't cross that fine line just yet?
I do believe if you are a true alcoholic, you can never have another drink.

dustyfox

Yep, I get it LG - That the ability to let go, have fun, be silly, become less inhibited , are out of reach, or seemingly so. I notice it too with my husband who can have a beer or two when we go out or on a Saturday - he changes and I can see him 'relaxing' -
In the past it has driven me to relapse, that desire to 'let go'
Not any more. the slight envy that I cant share it soon passes.
Thank you for sharing it was a good reminder to keep vigilant.

Anna

I get it too, LG. But, you know we can't do that, end of story, and that's what matters. Enjoy your holiday.

Gettingcloser

Hi Less, I think I am about a month behind you on your sobriety date. I am doing very well and always grateful that I know I will never return to the person I was just before I got sober. But like you, I have moments where I feel a tug of regret knowing that I can never drink again and if I do I will be in a pile of trouble. As Sammy said, I am a true alcoholic. I think it is good to get things like this off your chest.

LoveHateWhine

Thank you so much sharing this! Struggling with this myself right now.

Dee74

Not that I want to sound like I'm boasting but I can be as silly and as carefree as the next man, in the right circumstances with the right people.

I can be ultra serious too.

I get the struggle and I'm not trying to dismiss it - but I wanted to share it's not necessarily a lifelong sense of loss or pining for something that I cannot have

D

Evoo

My wife is the same way! She rarely ever drinks day-to-day. Special occasions only. When she does, she'll usually start a glass of wine and drink half of it. She doesn't give alcohol a second thought (something I've always been baffled by as an alcoholic). She'd give up alcohol in a heartbeat if I asked her to.

I definitely understand that little pang of regret at not being able to enjoy a specific moment in the same way as others (like when my cousins take a shot in memory of our grandfather). I totally get it.

One thing that helps me is exercise. On a trip, I like to sync up with the gym / steam room / sauna, and do deep breathing every day. While it's not as fast as a "drink," starting the morning this way on vacation helps to relieve that little bit of tension-behind-the-eyes that I'd have on any normal workday.

Enjoy vacation!