Nosecco

Hi all, I hope you’re all doing ok. This is my 3rd day sober and it’s already an euphoric feeling like a weight has been lifted. Not sure I can do this alone and need a chat forum like this for weak moments x

Dee74

Welcome aboard nosecco - glad to have you here

D

DriGuy

Third Day Euphoria! I've never heard of that. My third day was always a nightmare. Whatever you are doing, keep it up. It's good to have you here.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Robbie64

Welcome to SR Nosecco.

Anna

Welcome, I'm glad you found us.

GramCracker25

Welcome, Nosecco! You won"t find a more supportive, loving and helpful community anywhere!

And please don't limit your time here to weak moments. There is so much valuable information here, it can do wonders to keep you sober.

tursiops999

Welcome Nosecco, glad you're here. Please read around, post, let us know how you're doing. You can absolutely do this, and we're here to support you.

Hevyn

Great to have you with us, Nosecco. This wonderful place helped me find the courage to get sober & stay that way. I check in every day for encouragement & to remain vigilant. I had felt all alone before finding SR.

Congrats on your 3 days free of it!! Good work - and things will only get better.

Hodd

Hi Nosecco, well done on 3 days. It’s Friday night, and I know what’s on your mind. No one quits without big cravings, but these do fade within a matter of weeks. The big secret, well it’s no secret, is to not give yourself a little “reward” of a sneaky drink after x days or weeks sober. That literally ruins everything and is the reason why I and hundreds of thousands of others relapsed time and time again. When things finally click and a drinker gets serious about quitting forever, things then start working out. The cravings fade away, life gets way better and then you don’t want to drink. Take it easy but remember no “rewards”. You’ll be rewarded well enough in the weeks and years to come.

Nosecco

Hi all and thanks for your welcome messages, you all sound so friendly. So I went out last night for a pub meal with another family and when I came back from the ladies, there was a cocktail waiting for me! I couldn’t resist so pretty much downed it and then a few more. My friends were even making fun at how little will power I have and knew I didn’t mean it when I said I’m not in the mood for drinking tonight (they don’t know I feel out of control and don’t know I’m trying to get sober so I thought it’d be easier to just have the drink too avoid the awkwardness). Now I’m back to beating myself up and feeling pathetic for not bei NY able to resist pouring poison liquid down my throat. Ok sobriety starts now!!

TroubleAfoot

Hi Nosecco. You had three days and felt great about it. You were proud of yourself and had every right to be. But it is when you are feeling really good that you are most prone to relapse and must be extra vigilant. You have (we all have) what is called your Addictive Voice (AV). It is the part of you that loves drinking and doesn't want to quit. It comes from deep inside of you and it gets very upset when you quit drinking and, when you do, it will constantly try to deceive you, to trick you into drinking again. It will say you can have "just one drink," or that you can really can drink without getting wasted every time you do. It does not have your best interests in mind. It is like a spoiled child that only finds relief in instant gratification.

What you will need is a plan for how you will handle your AV when it rears its ugly head. It will always take the utmost advantage of circumstances that arise like the one last night. It was ecstatic about what happened. A drink presented itself right there in front of you. "Hells yeah drink that drink!" it screamed.

So you need a plan for those instances. Tell your friends you aren't drinking anymore. Or, if it seems easier, just tell them you aren't drinking "right now" or you are taking a break from it (even though/if you are intending to quit forever which is what most of us find needs to happen). You can say its for health reasons or because you don't sleep well after you drink (which may be true) or that you are turning over a new leaf or starting a health program or whatever. The AV is always with you so you also need a plan for that too. When you are home alone and feeling the urge, maybe due to anxiety or some depression, figure out now what you will do when it rears its ugly head and attempts to sweet talk you into drinking. Go for a run, take a cold shower, call a trusted friend who supports your sobriety, take the dog for a walk if you have one. Anything to distract you and set you back on the straight path when you feel unsteady. Coming here and posting is a great option. Tell us you are thinking about drinking and we will talk you out of it. You will get a ton of support here. We have all been where you are, we know how it feels, we know how difficult this path can be, especially at first. Your plan will also include figuring out what things you will do instead of drinking. You will find that most of these things will be far superior to drinking and will enrich your life instead of taking from it. Get a hobby, play an instrument, read nonfiction on subjects which interest you, learn things, work on yourself with meditation, exercise, and healthy eating. Anything but drink.

Stop beating yourself up right now. This instant. Reflect on it as a learning experience and don't drink today. Just start over today and get back to it. There is no use in dwelling on it aside from learning from it. Be proud of yourself for realizing what you need to do and know that you can do it. Relapse, for most of us, is a part of recovery. Avoid it as much as you can but it does happen. Most of us have to quit several times before it sticks and, even when we begin to think it has stuck permanently we may find it hasn't. Even the best of, who have years and years of sobriety under our belts, must remain extra vigilant of the AV. It will lay low, be dormant, but it is always there and it is patient. It is always ready to strike. There is no end to sustaining sobriety. It is a process that is maintained for life. It is a good habit that must be nourished and tended to often.

You can do this!

tursiops999

It's good you came back and posted. Yeah, in the beginning I had to really change up my routine -- I avoided social events that included alcohol, for some months. Now I can go anywhere and participate in events that include alcohol, but in the early days it would have been hard. It's a deeply ingrained habit, and it takes a major shakeup to break it.

Nosecco

WOW!! You guys are literally amazing and this is free tailored therapy. Am so so grateful to have found this group and your post made so much sense! My AV is telling me it’s a depressing thought to have to quit for good without being able to drink only on social occasions BUT I do also get that alcohol causes an illusion of needing it to have fun/ relax/ be confident/ not seem boring/ cure insomnia/ calm nerves/ celebrate/ join in properly blah blah. I think alcohol is harder to quit than other drugs (and I know from personal experience!) because it’s just EVERYWHERE. Currently sitting here typing this whilst my husband is on his 2nd bottle of wine and I can feel the tension that he’s not happy about me not drinking. It’s like he feels he’s losing a part of his drinking fun not having someone to drink with and justify how normal it is. It’s probably causing him a bit more shame that he’s still drinking loads on his own. Im anticipating relationship problems but I’m putting myself first (and our children)

Hodd

Hi Nosecco

Your husband drinking a bottle of wine in an evening is heavy drinking but to start on a second is going some. I’ve no shame in admitting I am/was an alcoholic, but I honestly never opened a second bottle of wine in an evening. I really feel for you as you quitting will be harder as you’re living with someone who is (sorry) probably an alcoholic. You need him on your side or this isn’t going to work. My wife has never drunk so I’m not talking from experience here, but you need to tell your husband how you feel. Tell him you’re worried about your health going forward. Maybe you’ve got goals and plans which will be hindered by continued drinking. I’m not honestly sure how this will work if you both have the same interests. You need to make a few plans and have a serious chat (when you’re both sober).

katlin

Hi, there. Welcome to SR. I can identify with some of your situation in that I turned over a new leaf and drank 3 days later. But, you know what? I just turned that leaf right back over again and today is Day 81 for me. My husband also continues nightly drinking so ... there's that similarity as well. I'm a lot older than you (my children are grown and I have grandchildren) and I can tell you definitively I wish I had stopped alcohol a lot sooner. There is no time like the present to change your life for the better. I've read the advice here in this thread for you and there are some wonderful words of wisdom here from folks with a lot of sober clock time. I can only offer that there are anxious days early on but every day that passes without a drink you'll feel more accomplished and be prouder of yourself. Don't let the AV whisper (or yell or stomp or shake its fist) at you. Tune that liar out if (when) it starts. You'll be stronger and so very grateful that you shut it down. I'm rooting for you! Someone advised me early on ... just don't drink no matter what. That's pretty good advice!

Nosecco

Thanks to both of you for your advice. Yes I agree he is probably an alcoholic and he admits it but has no desire to cut down and this is hard enough WITH the desire and impossible without it!! He says I need to accept his choice and he supports me in my new choice. I am not going to control him by banning him drinking in the house as will only cause resentment. It’s also encouraging ad gives me hope that it CAN be done alone when the other partner is a nightly drinker. I can’t preach to him about cutting down as I’ve only just started to and already had a slip in in the first week. Would be highly hypocritical. Maybe in a few months when he sees the benefits and how serious I am, we can have a serious conversation about his health and living long enough to see our kids grow up. He’s in total denial right now and has too many other stresses going on right now (just lost his mum, made redundant and we’re having to sell our house all at the same time)

dustyfox

I am afraid to say I was the person opening the second bottle of wine pretty much every night - my other half did not drink quite as much as me and for years I encouraged him to drink.
I remember saying to him that it was my choice what I drank and how much and I used to get quite angry when he tried to persuade me to cut down. Now I realise the only way I was ever going to reach the point of wanting to stop was on my own. Your husband may get there, he may see you stopping and think again, he may reach his own conclusions. Ironically now - I have stopped my husband still has a few beers at the weekend - I leave him to it - I am glad it's not wine or whisky as I would probably find that hard.
Nosecco - it sounds as if you already accept that you cannot control your husbands drinking - because you can't -don't even try! Concentrate on you own journey -

2ndhandrose

It definitely can be done alone when your partner is a nightly drinker.

I have been sober for 6 yrs and 10 months (but who's counting ) and my husband drinks nightly. He also totally supports my sobriety.

There have been challenges along the way but a lot of the challenges were of my own making. I'm finally learning to get out of my own way.

I have learned an incredible amount from this site and don't know where I would be without it.

I look forward to seeing you around!

Hodd

I’m certainly not downplaying the amount of stress your husband is under (condolences on your loss), but the alcohol only adds to the stress. The cruel irony is that drinkers become stressed because their body needs alcohol, a never ending cycle.

Your plan could be to give up alcohol alone. You’ll improve massively - physically and mentally, you won’t believe how much - and your husband can’t help but be impressed. Maybe he’ll then quit too.

And if someone bought me a cocktail as a joke, they’d be wearing it. I’m not suggesting you throw drinks at people, but you need to let people know you’re serious about this, and it’s not cool to buy you a drink.