novips

I tried to stay sober from roughly 1987 to 2001. By the time I relapsed yet again in 2001 I had become hopeless. I knew I could string together some sober time in A.A. -- and every day sober is a blessing for me and others -- but I was convinced I'd eventually succumb yet again to the insane idea that the next right thing for me to do was to pick up a drink. Then I met a group of guys in A.A. who essentially presented me with the proposition that there is a type of alcoholic who can only get sober by fully committing to A.A., and that I had only thought I was doing that when in fact I was treating A.A. like a buffet line. Their explanation of my malady and their solution convinced me and I grabbed a hold of the hope that engendered in me and began to work an action program of recovery that has allowed me to recently celebrate 19 years clean and sober. Feel free to PM if you want to chat more about that.

Evoo

Yeah I love this framing.

WaterOx are you doing any therapy or support? Have you told the people closest to you that you have an addiction and want to live a sober life from hereon out?

I wasn't doing "as bad" with moderation when I finally decided to quit for good. In fact, I was mostly drinking on special occasions or holidays (but always suffering the consequences). I was pretty far-removed from my worst days. I just got f'n tired of it. Attempting to moderate was exhausting, anxiety-producing work with no pay off. I threw in the towel on that.

But I'm still young in recovery and my AV still hits me with some nonsense thoughts sometimes.

What do you think keeps you going back to the bottle?

least

it isn't hopeless, you just think it is. it's not hopeless as long as you're still breathing.

saoutchik

I always believed that quitting was just a matter of willpower so when I failed for the umpteenth time I got really scared thinking I would be one of those that didn't make it.

That fear made me really analyse my drinking and I understood I could not out-muscle my addiction which left avoiding it (avoiding the cravings) as the only option. No matter how tired I was after work I did activities that got me out of the house and distracted me from my drinking thoughts.

It was quite an unsophisticated, analogue way of overcoming addiction but it worked.


Thanks for this thread WaterOx. The fact that you are posting it is a good sign I think. Sometimes it takes those failures to guide us to the right place.

Forwards

When I really thought it was hopeless I looked up the nearest AA meeting and got myself there the same day. I haven't subsequently followed the programme but in those early desperate days the fellowship, understanding and ESH was invaluable in rekindling a spark of hope.

blazen

You need to get tough with yourself. When I told myself "I will not drink any amount of alcohol under any circumstances", I stopped drinking for good. You have to want sobriety and do it for nobody but yourself.

BornToBeSober

As long as you are alive, it's not hopeless. That's your addiction talking.

Keep fighting with everything you got! You can do this. Give maximum effort to stay sober every day and learn from your mistakes and I promise you, you will see results.

Hodd

How’s it going today, WaterOx? It looks like the consensus is it’s far from hopeless.

I do remember a time when I felt hopeless, in my first weeks of sobriety. I thought that anxious craving feeling would come every evening at wine o’clock for the rest of my days. Thankfully, that went away after a few days, and hope returned. Things are great now, but we’ve all felt hopeless at one stage but came through it. You’ll get there.

Free2bme888

Thanks for the thread, WaterOx, we understand, yes we do.

So many people here have wonderful posts to help you-and ALL of us—have hope, to be inspired, to have support to succeed.

You must believe. You must make a non wishy-washy decision.

No one ever wishes they drank more or had no regrets as they bleed out alone or in a hospital bed. (Witnessed the latter),

Please choose life ❤️🙏🏼

least

it's never truly hopeless until you're dead. as long as there's breath, there's hope. don't give up. keep trying til you get it or die, cause one of those things will eventually happen

Robbie64

It's better to never stop trying to stop. The alternative is to drink yourself into oblivion or leave yourself so ill you have no choice but to stop but when you do stop in those circumstances you can often have no quality of life afterwards

I've been there before, where I thought I would never be able to stop even for just a couple of nights in a row and that I had just had enough of the constant battle with trying to remain sober. I still keep caving in and drinking but the gaps between me drinking do get longer and longer. You've been at SR for a while so you will have seen many success stories of people who have stopped and have stayed stopped. The thing to do (and I should really practice what I'm preaching) is to read posts (both current and old) by people who have stopped to see what worked for them.

VikingGF

Never stop stopping. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that drinking was ruining everything and I was sooooo tired of the roller-coaster. Don't wait until you have no other options, make the active choice to treat yourself well and have opportunities rather than hangovers.

RecklessDrunk

Well it was time for me to throw in the towel but I think that has a different meaning for me. I give up trying to micro manage my life and control everything.

Not that I am going to stop trying to make a successful or happy life for myself. I am going to do my best at things but stop holding myself responsible for the results. Control what I can and I don't care from there. I would get so caught up in these expectations of what my life is supposed to be and I want I want I want.

I turned it over to God. Even if your not religious you may at least believe something is control and it isn't us. I try and just go with life, live life on life's terms.

The serenity prayer early and often. I think even if someone doesn't believe in God those are some pretty good instructions to give yourself throughout the course of a day. Especially in early sobriety. Accept the things i can not change, thats a darn good idea sometimes.

A good workout is a great substitute for a way of getting the ease and comfort that comes from taking those first few drinks. The AV will pull out all the stops to prevent us from realizing it but an exercise high is far superior to a beer buzz. For us alcoholics it is so much more natural to trust a beer (or your poison of choice) buzz over exercise. I go to the liquor store and pick up something off a shelf, how easy. So easy to trust it will work. If we just think another couple of steps ahead. How fast the drink turns into misery. While the runners high stays steady. It doesn't just give the illusion that we are sharper, we really are sharper under its influence. This is the way we are designed to feel good.

SouthernSober

In my home group room, there is a permanently archived AA Big Book that belonged to a woman was *81* when she finally got sober. She stayed sober until her death at 100.

My sponsor has 13 years on this stretch...but he's been in AA since 1986.

I have met many, many people who've battled it for 30+ years, and are still hoping to get it right this time.

Giving up is the ace of spades for the AV.

silentrun

"You have to keep doing this" was one half of the big lie my mind told me that kept me trapped. It's discouraging to get knocked down but you are not out.

Fusion

In reply to your question, 'what to do when you realise it's hopeless', my initial response was 'don't give up'. But after reading your responders, I side with Dee. So my response is, 'give up hope of trying to be a so-called normal drinker' and thereby you can grasp hope of being a non-drinker.

Polaroid

I don't know, my relapses have become scarcer after I started being more active on this forum.

It's usually gone like this -> Drink every day, all day for months -> I eventually get so exhausted, I can't even pick up -> Hospital detox, followed by rehab for a couple months. I haven't been in hospital, nor rehab for over half a year by now.

It's definitely not a place I want to go back to. I've been to work 3 days in a row now, been social, no matter how nerve-wrecking it can be. Being nervous is better than being a d*ck. (at least amongst the mature/adult population, pre-mature can vary largely)

When you say it's hopeless, I'm sorry but need to call you out on that, you are lying. Otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. I'm not saying you don't struggle - what I'm saying is there's something in you that still wants to get you out - You are calling out for help, and someone who truly believe it's hopeless, they don't do that.

I don't know what would work for you. Maybe recall the reasons why it made you feel hopeless (Note: Hopelessness, it's a feeling, it's not really true). Remember the hell you're in when you're drinking? Put up a visual STOP or HALT sign on your front door, something you'll see whenever you go out? This may make you reconsider? I honestly don't know what would work for you - but trust me, I've been on here for ~10 years. The more you get committed to staying sober, the more likely you will succeed in it.