listae

I've just reached my first thirty days of sobriety. I am a serious alcoholic who has drank every day for twenty-five years. I should say: I drank excessively for twenty-five years (usually until I passed out). I've managed to stay sober this last month, mostly because I started getting really sick. Plus, I lost my job and my income.

Now, I'm beginning to unravel other issues impacting my drinking and requiring help. Of course, I was enabled. I also enable. So, it's clear to me that I need to deal with some deep co-dependency issues. Does anyone have any advice on resources for co-dependency? Have you dealt with the intersecting relation between co-dependency and addiction?

Dee74

I think the book Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie is a good place to start listae
Congrats on 30 days!
D

LeadHatter

Last time I was sober ten years ago I read codependent no more by melody beattie and found it described me to a T at that point.

I think your already attending coda arnt you. As to your question about intersecting relations idk, sorry.

As a piece of trivia I will say that our very own Dee74 recommended that book to me 10 years ago .

advbike

I have been working on this issue for some time now, as it always comes to the forefront when I get sober for any length of time. A big part of my drinking over the years has been to calm my anxiety and disappointment in myself and my relationships. I tend to attract, and be attracted to dependent people, and also have an attachment disorder that makes it extremely difficult to leave. I grew up in a family with an alcoholic/absent father and codependent mother, and other relatives with all that going on. Even my brother and I have codependent relationship where I feel obligated to help him financially, despite his terrible financial decisions. I cannot bear the thought of him ending up homeless.

I have several codependent traits, mainly centered around the external focus on others - always wanting to help those in need, putting their needs before my own, lack of boundaries and inability to say no, fear of conflict, inability to ask for what I need in relationships, and the constant worry that something bad might happen to them. I feel good when I am helping others and some of that is okay of course. But I also have a really difficult time even knowing exactly what I want or need, or what I am feeling at any given moment. This is all a work in progress I would say - awareness is the easy part but changing the behaviors is massively difficult. Clearly for me it will be a lifelong process, but rewarding nonetheless.

The book mentioned is a excellent one, there are some others too, and good resources in the Friends and Family section here on SR.

listae

Thanks everyone!

KAD65

Hi listae. Your story sounds so much like mine - from the drinking history to the codependency. My way of dealing with the latter these days is just not being in a relationship at all. Codependency has culminated in some very unhealthy relationships and terribly self-destructive choices. I have not read the book others here have recommended, but maybe I will as I deal with the same issue. Best wishes to you.

listae

Thank you for sharing. I started listening to the audio book of Codependency No More and I recognized my behaviors in all of the examples with which the book begins.