Beyond White Knuckling
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 986
Beyond White Knuckling
Beyond White Knuckling
How did you achieve long term sobriety? I ask this because I am an alcoholic who has been a revolving door in and out of recovery programs for twenty-five years. The longest continuous sobriety that I had is five months (from January-July). I’ve had every possible negative and serious consequence from long-term alcohol abuse: job loss, poor relationship choices, hospitalization due to a seizure from overdose of mixing alcohol and narcotics, car crash, DUI, suspended license, damage to my professional reputation, and loss of a job that I love. NONE OF THESE CONSEQUENCES LEAD ME TO STOP DRINKING.
Now, I have eight days of sobriety and am in the September class. I love the September class. But I know that it will end and that I need to do more than just logging into SR. If you have long-term sobriety, how have you been successful? What works for you?
How did you achieve long term sobriety? I ask this because I am an alcoholic who has been a revolving door in and out of recovery programs for twenty-five years. The longest continuous sobriety that I had is five months (from January-July). I’ve had every possible negative and serious consequence from long-term alcohol abuse: job loss, poor relationship choices, hospitalization due to a seizure from overdose of mixing alcohol and narcotics, car crash, DUI, suspended license, damage to my professional reputation, and loss of a job that I love. NONE OF THESE CONSEQUENCES LEAD ME TO STOP DRINKING.
Now, I have eight days of sobriety and am in the September class. I love the September class. But I know that it will end and that I need to do more than just logging into SR. If you have long-term sobriety, how have you been successful? What works for you?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Hi listae, I'm glad you joined the September group.
What I know is that I had to change everything. I had to change activities I was involved in and people I associated with, including some family members. I had to stop trying to be the person I thought I was expected to be. I tried to eliminate the 'shoulds' in my life and work on what really mattered to me. Really, I needed to change everything from the inside out. Have faith, above all, have faith that you can do this.
What I know is that I had to change everything. I had to change activities I was involved in and people I associated with, including some family members. I had to stop trying to be the person I thought I was expected to be. I tried to eliminate the 'shoulds' in my life and work on what really mattered to me. Really, I needed to change everything from the inside out. Have faith, above all, have faith that you can do this.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I made being grateful the most important tool in my sober toolbox. 
Try practicing gratitude every day. You can be grateful for anything, no matter how big or small. I start and end each day with gratitude. It has changed my whole life for the better. And I find that practicing gratitude makes me happier. Try it. It really helped me.
Try practicing gratitude every day. You can be grateful for anything, no matter how big or small. I start and end each day with gratitude. It has changed my whole life for the better. And I find that practicing gratitude makes me happier. Try it. It really helped me. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi listae
like Anna said I had to change basically everything in my life because everything in my life was connected to drinking.
I had to make my life so it would be really hard to drink again.
If that meant sitting here at SR for hours, I did that. If it meant I had to kick the walls or scream into my pillow I did that too. Anything but drink.
I finally gave up on thoughts of moderation.
Alcohol and I clearly had a dysfunctional relationship.
I had to reconfigure my ideas of fun, of dealing with stress boredom and fear.
Anything but drink.
It sounded a mammoth task for me at the beginning but it turned out a lot easier than trying to continue to drink was.
I really didn't want to drink anymore so my lifestyle- that so easily enabled more drinking for me - had to change.
Maybe you're a little like I was - don't want to drink anymore, but don't know what else to do?
Let the good folks here help
D
like Anna said I had to change basically everything in my life because everything in my life was connected to drinking.
I had to make my life so it would be really hard to drink again.
If that meant sitting here at SR for hours, I did that. If it meant I had to kick the walls or scream into my pillow I did that too. Anything but drink.
I finally gave up on thoughts of moderation.
Alcohol and I clearly had a dysfunctional relationship.
I had to reconfigure my ideas of fun, of dealing with stress boredom and fear.
Anything but drink.
It sounded a mammoth task for me at the beginning but it turned out a lot easier than trying to continue to drink was.
I really didn't want to drink anymore so my lifestyle- that so easily enabled more drinking for me - had to change.
Maybe you're a little like I was - don't want to drink anymore, but don't know what else to do?
Let the good folks here help
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
You are right. Getting past the cravings is only the beginning. You start to feel healthy and normal, and you stop feeling like an alcoholic because you haven't been drunk for two weeks. But as you already pointed out you are still an alcoholic, and nothing changes just because you don't feel like an alcoholic. I believe this may be standard for most of us, but of course, I'm speaking only from my experience.
Feeling normal is dangerous. This is one of few paradoxes in life that I believe to be true. Feeling normal is fertile ground for the voice inside us to convince us we are like other people who can drink without getting blotto. And that voice is very convincing. The voice is just us feeding us our own rationalizations and fallacies. In spite of the fact that we intellectually know better, we are tempted back to alcohol, even though the cravings have become manageable, and are no longer a force. There are undoubtedly an array of reasons we buy into the lies, and there are too many for me to name, because we are all so creatively adept at self deception.
So now that the cravings are gone, and you are no longer white knuckling, you must use a different strategy based on commitment, zero tolerance, and rational thought. Imagine! Instead of using gorilla like will power, you now have to think and say no. But isn't thinking second nature and something we do normally? Well we worry, stew, deceive ourselves, and think we are brilliant, but logical thought is unfortunately not the human default. And we have to train ourselves to use our intellect in logic when it comes to choosing to drink. At least that is what I did. I accepted that I can never drink again without the same consequences that made me want to quit, and I learned to ignore that dumb but friendly and convincing voice inside me. I set a goal of life time sobriety, which basically means, never taking one sip of alcohol, ever, and I don't allow myself to deviate from that commitment. This takes only enough will power to keep thinking logically, which isn't that much once you develop the habit. You simply choose not to drink.
Maybe it's different for others, and I think many of us never got sick enough of drinking that we want to really quit. Instead, we just want to quit paying the consequences for drinking. Such alcoholics are only into recovery half way. They are not all in, and long term sobriety requires being all in with total commitment. But I suppose there are many reasons why so many of us fail, but failing is not done using a logical approach to the problem.
Really things can't get much simpler than long term sobriety. Unlike other much more complex goals, all we have to do to stay sober is just one thing; Just one simple thing; Don't take that drink! If you insist it's not that easy, you are over complicating the problem, and one of the reasons we love to over complicate issues, is to rationalize our own failure.
Again, this is only my perception of the problem. I don't actually know that it's the same for all of us, but I think it is. Even if you find sobriety through faith based recovery, you still need to make the commitments I just described, and you must never take another drink. You can explain your recovery through miracles if you are so inclined, but you still have to do the work.
It also helps to learn about yourself to find better ways to enjoy living. I call that advanced recovery. You can get by without it, but why would you want to stop there? But you can't do the advanced stuff effectively when you are a drunk. It's almost like you are so busy getting drunk that you don't have time for self improvement, so you just sit there getting drunk and failing at one thing after another.
Feeling normal is dangerous. This is one of few paradoxes in life that I believe to be true. Feeling normal is fertile ground for the voice inside us to convince us we are like other people who can drink without getting blotto. And that voice is very convincing. The voice is just us feeding us our own rationalizations and fallacies. In spite of the fact that we intellectually know better, we are tempted back to alcohol, even though the cravings have become manageable, and are no longer a force. There are undoubtedly an array of reasons we buy into the lies, and there are too many for me to name, because we are all so creatively adept at self deception.
So now that the cravings are gone, and you are no longer white knuckling, you must use a different strategy based on commitment, zero tolerance, and rational thought. Imagine! Instead of using gorilla like will power, you now have to think and say no. But isn't thinking second nature and something we do normally? Well we worry, stew, deceive ourselves, and think we are brilliant, but logical thought is unfortunately not the human default. And we have to train ourselves to use our intellect in logic when it comes to choosing to drink. At least that is what I did. I accepted that I can never drink again without the same consequences that made me want to quit, and I learned to ignore that dumb but friendly and convincing voice inside me. I set a goal of life time sobriety, which basically means, never taking one sip of alcohol, ever, and I don't allow myself to deviate from that commitment. This takes only enough will power to keep thinking logically, which isn't that much once you develop the habit. You simply choose not to drink.
Maybe it's different for others, and I think many of us never got sick enough of drinking that we want to really quit. Instead, we just want to quit paying the consequences for drinking. Such alcoholics are only into recovery half way. They are not all in, and long term sobriety requires being all in with total commitment. But I suppose there are many reasons why so many of us fail, but failing is not done using a logical approach to the problem.
Really things can't get much simpler than long term sobriety. Unlike other much more complex goals, all we have to do to stay sober is just one thing; Just one simple thing; Don't take that drink! If you insist it's not that easy, you are over complicating the problem, and one of the reasons we love to over complicate issues, is to rationalize our own failure.
Again, this is only my perception of the problem. I don't actually know that it's the same for all of us, but I think it is. Even if you find sobriety through faith based recovery, you still need to make the commitments I just described, and you must never take another drink. You can explain your recovery through miracles if you are so inclined, but you still have to do the work.
It also helps to learn about yourself to find better ways to enjoy living. I call that advanced recovery. You can get by without it, but why would you want to stop there? But you can't do the advanced stuff effectively when you are a drunk. It's almost like you are so busy getting drunk that you don't have time for self improvement, so you just sit there getting drunk and failing at one thing after another.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,124
Short answer: By ‘working’ the 12 Steps as outlined in the Alcoholics Anonymous Book (Big Book). Finding a Higher Power (which is not GOD) of my own understanding (I do not belong to any organized religion, nor am I a Christian or believer in the Bible) I say this because of the wrong impression some have of AA being a Christian organization where you must believe in God etc. Nope.
I also attend regular meetings (ZOOM for the last 17 months) and love being of service. I have made new friends in the AA fellowship, have a supportive family, and finally I’ve been coming here to SR for over the last 8 years❣️❣️
💙🌌🙏🏼
Bobbi
I also attend regular meetings (ZOOM for the last 17 months) and love being of service. I have made new friends in the AA fellowship, have a supportive family, and finally I’ve been coming here to SR for over the last 8 years❣️❣️
💙🌌🙏🏼
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by listae 
Beyond White Knuckling
How did you achieve long term sobriety? I ask this because I am an alcoholic who has been a revolving door in and out of recovery programs for twenty-five years. The longest continuous sobriety that I had is five months (from January-July). I’ve had every possible negative and serious consequence from long-term alcohol abuse: job loss, poor relationship choices, hospitalization due to a seizure from overdose of mixing alcohol and narcotics, car crash, DUI, suspended license, damage to my professional reputation, and loss of a job that I love. NONE OF THESE CONSEQUENCES LEAD ME TO STOP DRINKING.
Now, I have eight days of sobriety and am in the September class. I love the September class. But I know that it will end and that I need to do more than just logging into SR. If you have long-term sobriety, how have you been successful? What works for you?
How did you achieve long term sobriety? I ask this because I am an alcoholic who has been a revolving door in and out of recovery programs for twenty-five years. The longest continuous sobriety that I had is five months (from January-July). I’ve had every possible negative and serious consequence from long-term alcohol abuse: job loss, poor relationship choices, hospitalization due to a seizure from overdose of mixing alcohol and narcotics, car crash, DUI, suspended license, damage to my professional reputation, and loss of a job that I love. NONE OF THESE CONSEQUENCES LEAD ME TO STOP DRINKING.
Now, I have eight days of sobriety and am in the September class. I love the September class. But I know that it will end and that I need to do more than just logging into SR. If you have long-term sobriety, how have you been successful? What works for you?
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
morning listae x
good job on day 8 its still progress x
On after the whiteknuckling it is im still at that just now and im on day 18. i talked to my alcohol councillor and he has suggested going back on anti craving and also do what he asked me to do last week was get intouch with some support groups which i have done so this morning after phone call with him and have a appointment to see how they can help me through being sober and staying sober. its not AA as i have tried them before, this is a local charity who is known in helping with tools to help stay fixed and positive in how to keep moving forward. not sure if explained properly as my head is all over the place today. I am also staying with each month like i was part of the august class when i started and followed on to sept which im finding very helpfull and will continue my sober road with each class i think. does that make any sense it just gives me a boos that next month i can follow on with more than 40 days sober. sry if im being confusing. keep at it hun xx here if u need anyone x
good job on day 8 its still progress x
On after the whiteknuckling it is im still at that just now and im on day 18. i talked to my alcohol councillor and he has suggested going back on anti craving and also do what he asked me to do last week was get intouch with some support groups which i have done so this morning after phone call with him and have a appointment to see how they can help me through being sober and staying sober. its not AA as i have tried them before, this is a local charity who is known in helping with tools to help stay fixed and positive in how to keep moving forward. not sure if explained properly as my head is all over the place today. I am also staying with each month like i was part of the august class when i started and followed on to sept which im finding very helpfull and will continue my sober road with each class i think. does that make any sense it just gives me a boos that next month i can follow on with more than 40 days sober. sry if im being confusing. keep at it hun xx here if u need anyone x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I changed pretty much everything in my life. I work hard at a program that is a good fit for me. I have a recovery buddy for support and accountability.
I learnt new ways of dealing with life and reality. My learning and growth will continue for the rest of my life.
It is very hard work but to continue drinking would have been far harder.
I think finding a program is very helpful as it guides us through what we need to learn and how to learn it.
I learnt new ways of dealing with life and reality. My learning and growth will continue for the rest of my life.
It is very hard work but to continue drinking would have been far harder.
I think finding a program is very helpful as it guides us through what we need to learn and how to learn it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 234
I am utilizing the tools that I learned from my other treatment programs in my recovery. There isn't one set path that says everyone must use this in order to get sober. I am doing AA meetings, but also getting into Smart Recovery as well. I'm also seeing my therapist more. I exercise at least once a day. Recovery is my full-time job right now.
The path I was heading down was either continue drinking or die, I'm 38 and I wouldn't see 40 the direction I was going. I didn't need any lab results done or a doctor telling me what to do, my body literally told me to stop drinking or you are done.
The path I was heading down was either continue drinking or die, I'm 38 and I wouldn't see 40 the direction I was going. I didn't need any lab results done or a doctor telling me what to do, my body literally told me to stop drinking or you are done.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 173
Fear of death and losing everything and everyone close to me got me started, what has helped in continuing my journey has been learnt on here...a couple of things that have helped me..not sure who said it (probably Dee) was to start building a sober life that you don’t want to throw away..I have new healthy relationships, eat well, exercise and the benefits of that I am not going to give up without a fight.
the next advice I took from here (think this one was from hodd) you can’t expect your life to change just by quitting drinking. So I actively try and better myself every day, the rewards really add up.
I also practice self talk through affirmations, gratitude and RAS. I also do a lot of goal setting and believe in making small changes now can have a big impact later (just started reading a book called Atomic Habits)
I had to learn to let go, I am at peace that I can’t change the past but I am responsible for my future...so as much as I regret past behaviour I will not let it stop me being who I want to be
Also when I do get a craving I just remember “nobody ever wakes up and wish they had a drink the night before”
the next advice I took from here (think this one was from hodd) you can’t expect your life to change just by quitting drinking. So I actively try and better myself every day, the rewards really add up.
I also practice self talk through affirmations, gratitude and RAS. I also do a lot of goal setting and believe in making small changes now can have a big impact later (just started reading a book called Atomic Habits)
I had to learn to let go, I am at peace that I can’t change the past but I am responsible for my future...so as much as I regret past behaviour I will not let it stop me being who I want to be
Also when I do get a craving I just remember “nobody ever wakes up and wish they had a drink the night before”
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by listae
Beyond White Knuckling
How did you achieve long term sobriety? I ask this because I am an alcoholic who has been a revolving door in and out of recovery programs for twenty-five years. The longest continuous sobriety that I had is five months (from January-July). I’ve had every possible negative and serious consequence from long-term alcohol abuse: job loss, poor relationship choices, hospitalization due to a seizure from overdose of mixing alcohol and narcotics, car crash, DUI, suspended license, damage to my professional reputation, and loss of a job that I love. NONE OF THESE CONSEQUENCES LEAD ME TO STOP DRINKING.
Now, I have eight days of sobriety and am in the September class. I love the September class. But I know that it will end and that I need to do more than just logging into SR. If you have long-term sobriety, how have you been successful? What works for you?
How did you achieve long term sobriety? I ask this because I am an alcoholic who has been a revolving door in and out of recovery programs for twenty-five years. The longest continuous sobriety that I had is five months (from January-July). I’ve had every possible negative and serious consequence from long-term alcohol abuse: job loss, poor relationship choices, hospitalization due to a seizure from overdose of mixing alcohol and narcotics, car crash, DUI, suspended license, damage to my professional reputation, and loss of a job that I love. NONE OF THESE CONSEQUENCES LEAD ME TO STOP DRINKING.
Now, I have eight days of sobriety and am in the September class. I love the September class. But I know that it will end and that I need to do more than just logging into SR. If you have long-term sobriety, how have you been successful? What works for you?
I wish you the best, and hope you can find the strength to find a reason to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
I can only speak for myself, but for me actual sobriety came with a radical change in mindset, and isolating my "addiction voice" (AV) in a way that externalized the addiction. Then, I made multiple life changes:
- Broadcasting to all in my life that I no longer drink. Force myself to make it "real." Rope in my wife on the decision, be 100 percent honest about the severity of the problem.
- Changing to a healthy diet. You can't trade one addiction for another.
- Reclaiming energy. Alcoholics waste a lot of time and money. I radically improved my credit score, savings, retirement etc., poured myself into my work and started getting promotions and major career jumps. All of a sudden I was on my "A game," and people took notice.
- Took up hobbies. Grad school. Cooking. Gardening. Audiobooks. Latin. Meditation. There's no room for alcohol.
- Mental health - addressed the root causes of anxiety and existential dread that was the direct cause of prior relapses. Developed new tools for understand what anxiety is and how to overcome it without substances.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I was an alcoholic of the hopeless variety, completely lost the power of choice in drink. The loss of choice seems to be an important aspect for the recovery path I chose. I say chose, but it was the only option left untried, the last cab on the rank so to speak. An agnostic, I did not seem to be suited to the spiritual path, but again, out of options. AA make a statement in the big book "whether or not an alcoholic can recover on a non-spiritual basis depends on the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not' Lots, in fact the vast majority, of alcohol use disorder sufferers have not lost the power of choice. I read their stories here all the time. They just made up their minds to quit. I wish I could have done that.
Instead my journey involved doing all the work suggested in the AA program without reservation, Did my inventories, made all my amends, and actively help other alcoholics. On top of that I try to live by some simple rules laid out in the last three steps, which are in essence the AA 24 hour program. It turned out to be the right thing for me and permanent, that is over 41 years, of uninterupted sobriety has been the result.
The key might be in the diagnosis. I took a path which almost no one wants to take if they have other options. I took it because I had completely lost control and was absolutely desperate, and willing to do anything. At earlier times I had convinced myself that I had not lost the power of choice, and could just stop or moderate any time I wished, then I repeatedly wished, and could not stay stopped. I made firm decisions to not drink, and found myself drunk the same day.
For me the AA path proved the reliable one, and the self determined path ended in repeated disaster.
Instead my journey involved doing all the work suggested in the AA program without reservation, Did my inventories, made all my amends, and actively help other alcoholics. On top of that I try to live by some simple rules laid out in the last three steps, which are in essence the AA 24 hour program. It turned out to be the right thing for me and permanent, that is over 41 years, of uninterupted sobriety has been the result.
The key might be in the diagnosis. I took a path which almost no one wants to take if they have other options. I took it because I had completely lost control and was absolutely desperate, and willing to do anything. At earlier times I had convinced myself that I had not lost the power of choice, and could just stop or moderate any time I wished, then I repeatedly wished, and could not stay stopped. I made firm decisions to not drink, and found myself drunk the same day.
For me the AA path proved the reliable one, and the self determined path ended in repeated disaster.
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