tornrealization

He is in active alcoholism which has led to his arrest, most likely job loss, possible a permanent record, jail time and all the horrible stuff that goes along with breaking laws while intoxicated.

I really want to outline what he did but I don’t want it connected to me. Nobody was physically hurt, but others involved. This upsets me so much. I do know we aren’t super close. Just how my family rolls…well me with them. I’m not really close to many people. Well maybe like just one…barely. But Im still upset at the news, still worried for him, and reading through family and friends section I’m just gonna leave it alone. My guess is he is so embarrassed he won’t text me about his situation. Like I switch from worry, to anger, to feeling guilty for thinking like…you did this, you deserve what you get.

My poor mom is suffering through it all. She is hoping for the legal best, advised him to come home. She worries the worst. She also seems a bit clueless to the depths of deception and lies us alcoholics can do. She was talking about how he has his chip from AA…that means 180 days sober! She’s like I think he’s lying so why he get a chip? I’m just like he may have a chip or not. He may be in AA or not. I just said mom, maybe 🤔 he needs to sort this out on his own. I did suggest AL-Anon…. She’s like but…I already know he has to help himself, What good is that? Mom, it’s a support system. I think she could use a non family member support system.

It’s upsetting, but I’m glad I’m sober. I’m resisting the urge to text my brother to try sobriety…he already knows this from when I visited him in the hospital last year.

I just hit 2.5 years sober like ten days ago. I told my mom, I couldn’t explain how much that helped with depression and anxiety and the self loathing and it completely ended any of my self harm thoughts.

I really want to tell my brother about this website but he could probably sniff me out. Especially this post. Isn’t that terrible? I want to remain anonymous but I want him to get help…

I can’t fix this. I’m gonna work through my worry and disappointment sober. I just wish sobriety wasn’t so damn hard. I constantly want to get my loud speaker out to tell the world how much better it is…how it really frees you to work on issues, and reclaim your life. It’s hard watching those still in active addiction. I’ll be here for support and questions for my friends and family, I won’t force anyone to listen that isn’t interested. Just live by example.

SoberLeigh

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this, torn. I have close family members whom I love very much and are in active alcoholism. As they say in Al-Anon:

We didn’t cause it.

We can’t fix it.

We can’t control it.

Wishing the best for your brother. His recover is in his own hands. This could be his bottom and turning point.

Wishing peace for you.

least

That's a hard situation to be in. I understand as my sister drinks too much and I worry about her but can't do much except tell her how glad I am to be sober and how much better my life is now.

I will keep you and your mom and brother in my prayers.

tornrealization

Thanks SL. I absolutely remember you from our Febbies class. I took many more years to get sober, but was glad to see you still active on the boards when I returned!

Thankyou Least. I feel like just typing it out, helped.

Anna

No, Tornrealization, it's not terrible to not tell your brother about SR. SR is your support system and bringing your brother onboard would change the way you felt about posting. I had a similar situation with my brother and, like you, I felt bad, but I knew we could not 'share' SR. Do what you feel you are able to do for your brother. I could do very little for my brother, other than offer support, which he rejected.

And, you know what, it's not just sobriety that's hard. Life is hard. But, we can do hard things.

silentrun

Im sorry about your brother. Both of mine are still drinking. We lost someone from my family last year to this. If there is one silver lining to what I went through it is that I really get that I can't do anything to stop their cycle.

Youve done all you can and that's to work out your own emotions over his situation. It's sad to see someone else suffer with this but when it starts exerting its chaos some people decide it's time to stop.

He can find this website if he is serious. There are also other sites like reddit.

advbike

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, Torn. It's obvious you are worried and concerned. Sometimes there is a lot of dysfunction in families, and it tends to perpetuate due to the modeling of dysfunctional behavior. There's some in mine and both my brother and I were affected, but in different ways. I'm really glad you posted here, and that you've done some reading in F & F, it helps to give us perspective.

You know I recently read the book Alcohol Explained, by William Porter and found it quite beneficial, as it is a very analytical and non-judgemental book. I have been recommending it from time to time. Maybe he would read something like that and gain some insight. Just a thought.

Wishing you the best, you are doing so well.

tornrealization

It’s definitely heartbreaking when it is your loved ones. I’ll give that book a read. If it makes sense to share it with my brother…or my Mom, I will.

I never thought it through about how sharing the boards with my brother would change my support system. Anna, you’re spot on there. I wouldn’t be comfortable posting anymore.

Part of my growth with sobriety is taking the time to mull over strong emotions and reactions to moods and think them through first before doing actions.

Mizz

I am sorry to hear of this, Torn.
All of your emotions are valid. Sitting with this and letting the answers come is really smart and shows a lot of growth. You will know what to do in enough time. Perhaps the doing is in doing nothing.
Your brother may reach out to you. I am really sorry you are processing this, Torn.

Fusion

If this site has helped you, why would you wish to keep it secret from your brother, with an ongoing alcohol problem? You could ask the Admins here to delete this thread, change your name if it's something he'd recognise, and point him in SR's idrection, by telling him that you, too, suffered from an alcohol problem, but now you're over 2.5 years sober, and this site is a support. You could be his role model.

advbike

Actually I agree with this. There is so much support here. You have been busy lately with work, Torn and not posting much - I can't imagine he would recognize you, espec if you changed your online name. That might not be necessary though, only you know if it has significance to him.