Significant Other Wants To Drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Significant Other Wants To Drink
Hi all -
So I'm between 16-17 months sober now, and love the choice I've made and god willing, I don't ever plan to drink again.
Now, I have a significant other who does *not* have a drinking problem, and never really drinks much at all.
Since we started seeing each other, I was in early sobriety when we met, and they had no problem completely cutting alcohol up to this point (probably in support of me, but it was their choice). Now about 16-17 months into me being sober, they have told me that they'd like to drink here and there in a clear, honest fashion.
Of course, at first to me this brought up feelings/thoughts of "do they think I'm not fun drinking", "would they rather I drank?", "are they going to think lesser of me if I don't drink and they do?". I know a lot of this is irrational considering for the entire relationship they had zero issue with this.
I think it is fair for a non-problematic (1-2 glasses of wine with dinner or at night), to want to drink normally. And I don't really think it's fair for me to hold them back from doing so. (That doesn't mean I may not, after experiencing it, choose to not want to be with a drinker of any sort, but I haven't experienced this yet).
They have stated them supporting me is far more important than drinking at all, and that will come first and foremost, as will communicating. But they also want to know that they, again, a non-problematic drinker has the option to drink and aren't locked in for the rest of their life not.
The main concern for me on this is two things: 1) will I get thoughts of "maybe I can just drink normally" 2) feelings of inadequacy/something is wrong with me because I can't drink. And they'd want someone different, or me to be different.
I know for problem drinkers like me, my view of drinking is skewed, and "regular" drinkers think nothing of it.
On #2 the inadequacy feeling, this was always a big reason I drank, I had an irrational belief that in a dating scenario to be liked you must drink. Obviously this is false, and this person has helped me see that it's false even further.
I'm very comfortable in my decision not to drink, I have no desire to drink, etc. But my concern now is how I will feel about this relationship going forward.
I'm curious if anyones been in this situation and any input on my concerns/thoughts above. Thank you!
So I'm between 16-17 months sober now, and love the choice I've made and god willing, I don't ever plan to drink again.
Now, I have a significant other who does *not* have a drinking problem, and never really drinks much at all.
Since we started seeing each other, I was in early sobriety when we met, and they had no problem completely cutting alcohol up to this point (probably in support of me, but it was their choice). Now about 16-17 months into me being sober, they have told me that they'd like to drink here and there in a clear, honest fashion.
Of course, at first to me this brought up feelings/thoughts of "do they think I'm not fun drinking", "would they rather I drank?", "are they going to think lesser of me if I don't drink and they do?". I know a lot of this is irrational considering for the entire relationship they had zero issue with this.
I think it is fair for a non-problematic (1-2 glasses of wine with dinner or at night), to want to drink normally. And I don't really think it's fair for me to hold them back from doing so. (That doesn't mean I may not, after experiencing it, choose to not want to be with a drinker of any sort, but I haven't experienced this yet).
They have stated them supporting me is far more important than drinking at all, and that will come first and foremost, as will communicating. But they also want to know that they, again, a non-problematic drinker has the option to drink and aren't locked in for the rest of their life not.
The main concern for me on this is two things: 1) will I get thoughts of "maybe I can just drink normally" 2) feelings of inadequacy/something is wrong with me because I can't drink. And they'd want someone different, or me to be different.
I know for problem drinkers like me, my view of drinking is skewed, and "regular" drinkers think nothing of it.
On #2 the inadequacy feeling, this was always a big reason I drank, I had an irrational belief that in a dating scenario to be liked you must drink. Obviously this is false, and this person has helped me see that it's false even further.
I'm very comfortable in my decision not to drink, I have no desire to drink, etc. But my concern now is how I will feel about this relationship going forward.
I'm curious if anyones been in this situation and any input on my concerns/thoughts above. Thank you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
It was good of your partner to not drink in order to support you and to say that supporting you is the most important thing. But, as you said, it's reasonable for your partner to want to drink sometimes and being open about it is good.
So, for your first point, it's always possible to get the thoughts of 'maybe I can drink normally'. But, you have more than 16 months sober, so I assume you are in a good place mentally and that you know you are doing the right thing for you. For your second point, I expect that your partner is very happy with the sober you and is glad you're not drinking. Regarding feelings of inadequacy, and something is wrong with me, boost yourself up. You have accomplished stopping drinking and staying sober. Be proud of yourself.
So, for your first point, it's always possible to get the thoughts of 'maybe I can drink normally'. But, you have more than 16 months sober, so I assume you are in a good place mentally and that you know you are doing the right thing for you. For your second point, I expect that your partner is very happy with the sober you and is glad you're not drinking. Regarding feelings of inadequacy, and something is wrong with me, boost yourself up. You have accomplished stopping drinking and staying sober. Be proud of yourself.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I've never been in this situation before so can't add my experience. I think it's cool that your partner is supportive of your sobriety. As to them drinking, if as you say, they have no problem with drinking like you do, I'd say, let them have their glass of wine. But you might want to point out to them that if it becomes a problem for you, you'd ask them to not drink around you and hope that they would understand.
Congrats on your sober time!
Congrats on your sober time! Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Far be it from me, the Queen of Analysis Paralysis to say anyone is over-thinking, but you might be over-thinking here.
I think we all have feelings of insecurity when anything in our primary relationship changes in a way that could possibly become threatening or cause friciton. Totally a normal gut reaction.
With that said, you can't do anything but try it and see if you can't negotiate and compromise yourselves through this. I bet if there is real affection between you (and it sounds like a good relationship) then you'll be able to weather this little wind that's blowing through.
It may be no issue at all or it may cause problems but there's no way to know ahead of time and if they want to drink that's their business. Their side of the street, yeah?
I think we all have feelings of insecurity when anything in our primary relationship changes in a way that could possibly become threatening or cause friciton. Totally a normal gut reaction.
With that said, you can't do anything but try it and see if you can't negotiate and compromise yourselves through this. I bet if there is real affection between you (and it sounds like a good relationship) then you'll be able to weather this little wind that's blowing through.
It may be no issue at all or it may cause problems but there's no way to know ahead of time and if they want to drink that's their business. Their side of the street, yeah?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
Posts: 333
I would have a good look to see if i am displaying any signs of co-dependency, as this could be an issue when they start drinking socially. Apart from that i know lots and lots of ex drinkers who live with partners who drink and it doesn't bother them in the slightest. It wouldn't bother me as i always wanted to get a buzz going, not to have 2 glasses of wine with dinner or a couple of small whiskies before bed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Ex-drinker, 3+ years sober with a lovely wife who enjoys to drink here and there with zero drinking problem at all. She's supportive of my sobriety but only to an extent - I know that she wishes I could/would enjoy a glass of wine or a drink with her at times. My exposure to her social drinking sometimes causes me my AV to chirp. Most of the time, it is just a way of life I no longer take part in. As with everything in life, it's not the stimuli itself but my reaction to the stimuli that I have control of. And my control is never drinking again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
I'm coming up to 3 years sober and live with a husband who likes to drink, but has zero drinking problem. Since the day I decided to stop drinking, we've had alcohol in the house and he's been a normal drinker during that time. I understood that my drinking problem was just that: MY problem, so he should be free to enjoy a drink if he likes (especially as he drinks normally and for me, most of the time, I drank with the intention of getting absolutely wasted)
That said, I do have rare moments where I wonder if he thinks I'm more boring now that I don't drink, which he assures me is not the case (I'm pretty introverted, so alcohol made me incredibly talkative and outgoing, whereas these days, I massively struggle to talk to people and overthink everything I've said or am about to say)
I am very blessed in that I don't have the 'Maybe I can drink normally' thoughts. There was more than enough evidence three years ago to show that I was totally losing capability of drinking normally. The 'normal' occasions were becoming less and less. The 'One drink on Friday turns into a three or four day bender' occasions were increasing at a rapid rate and would soon become the only way I drank if I didn't take action and stop.
If I were you, I would try not to overthink or worry about the relationship. You have a huge deal of sober time so far and you're obviously committed to this excellent life change. They sound like a good, supportive person and they've also been with you for the entirety of your sobriety with zero issues, so it's not like they knew a different version of you that they're going to suddenly wish they had back (my husband has 10+ years of the crazy drinking party version of me that he could compare to the quiet, sober version of me that exists now). The current version of you is the one they know, care about and support.
That said, I do have rare moments where I wonder if he thinks I'm more boring now that I don't drink, which he assures me is not the case (I'm pretty introverted, so alcohol made me incredibly talkative and outgoing, whereas these days, I massively struggle to talk to people and overthink everything I've said or am about to say)
I am very blessed in that I don't have the 'Maybe I can drink normally' thoughts. There was more than enough evidence three years ago to show that I was totally losing capability of drinking normally. The 'normal' occasions were becoming less and less. The 'One drink on Friday turns into a three or four day bender' occasions were increasing at a rapid rate and would soon become the only way I drank if I didn't take action and stop.
If I were you, I would try not to overthink or worry about the relationship. You have a huge deal of sober time so far and you're obviously committed to this excellent life change. They sound like a good, supportive person and they've also been with you for the entirety of your sobriety with zero issues, so it's not like they knew a different version of you that they're going to suddenly wish they had back (my husband has 10+ years of the crazy drinking party version of me that he could compare to the quiet, sober version of me that exists now). The current version of you is the one they know, care about and support.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi greatinquiry
I think most of us live in a world where others drink.
I had to accept that, while accepting that drinking is a terrible idea for me.
It’s like some people like to skydive...not for me.
Some people like kale...not me.
You may get drinking thoughts from time to time...nearly everybody does at some point.
Thoughts are thoughts - it’s how we respond to them that counts
To the insecurity point...you have to trust the real you, the non drinking you is the you your partner loves.
Her decision to drink every now and again is about her, not you
D
I think most of us live in a world where others drink.
I had to accept that, while accepting that drinking is a terrible idea for me.
It’s like some people like to skydive...not for me.
Some people like kale...not me.
You may get drinking thoughts from time to time...nearly everybody does at some point.
Thoughts are thoughts - it’s how we respond to them that counts
To the insecurity point...you have to trust the real you, the non drinking you is the you your partner loves.
Her decision to drink every now and again is about her, not you
D
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
My husband drinks. He was my drinking buddy. I got crazy he did not. That doesn’t mean his half of the vodka bottle was non problematic. At 2.5 years he occasionally sneaks vodka flasks and beer but mostly does not drink around me. If we go out and he has beer no big deal. I absolutely loathe him drinking in the house sneaky Pete. It’s so rare though. He also will go out. He’s out tonight, I don’t go for heavy drinking events. He can spend the night.
I know it’s my problem. But I still don’t really want it in my house. I’m disappointed when he sneaks but on vacations when he has his six pack a night I’m ok. I just go to bed. I won’t pay for it though. He has to buy it even if I’m the one with all the groceries, haha. Yea. I guess I’m wierd with it,
I remember the handle of alcohol hand cleanser I got for Covid from work. Had to get rid of the container and put it in a spray bottle after it causing me to jump and leap thinking old days were back seeing it on the counter.
We probably all have our limits. Even when we know it our problem. I may be strict not wanting in the house when it’s just us two.
I worry it’s too strict. Then I think I’d that’s what it takes for me to be sober it’s what it takes. I’ve also asked on occasion if he misses the old days. He adamantly says no! He doesn’t miss the blackout surprises, my erratic behaviors. He does enjoy his own cutting down very much. He still sneaks on occasion, tho. I guess we kinda have an arrangement that works. I don’t get livid mad angry outburst mad about the sneaks even though I loathe it, when it’s handful times a year and he’s not acting nutz anyways. I just roll my eyes and hit bed.
I know it’s my problem. But I still don’t really want it in my house. I’m disappointed when he sneaks but on vacations when he has his six pack a night I’m ok. I just go to bed. I won’t pay for it though. He has to buy it even if I’m the one with all the groceries, haha. Yea. I guess I’m wierd with it,
I remember the handle of alcohol hand cleanser I got for Covid from work. Had to get rid of the container and put it in a spray bottle after it causing me to jump and leap thinking old days were back seeing it on the counter.
We probably all have our limits. Even when we know it our problem. I may be strict not wanting in the house when it’s just us two.
I worry it’s too strict. Then I think I’d that’s what it takes for me to be sober it’s what it takes. I’ve also asked on occasion if he misses the old days. He adamantly says no! He doesn’t miss the blackout surprises, my erratic behaviors. He does enjoy his own cutting down very much. He still sneaks on occasion, tho. I guess we kinda have an arrangement that works. I don’t get livid mad angry outburst mad about the sneaks even though I loathe it, when it’s handful times a year and he’s not acting nutz anyways. I just roll my eyes and hit bed.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I don't consider anyone a normal drinker.
My wife drinks occasionally and on her worst day she will over do it and ends up getting a little sick, sleeping the day away and messes up her sleep pattern for a few days.
She is living proof that one drinking session (maybe 3 to 5 units) can have immediate physical consequences. Mentally, I can tell she is a bit addicted.
She always has wine in the house and I see her waiting for a reason to drink it. I have explained addiction to her, but she doesn't listen.
I believe even normies are addicted, but at a lower level. Take away the booze for a few months and they will have anxiety.
I closed the book on drinking for me because of the mental and physical damage drinking does. Most folks are blinded by the addiction and explaining it to them is impossible.
I am concerned that one day she will accidentally over drink and try to drive somewhere. So called normies do this all time.
Nothing we can do to stop them if we are not there. Otherwise, I will protect her.
Booze is a time bomb.
Thanks.
My wife drinks occasionally and on her worst day she will over do it and ends up getting a little sick, sleeping the day away and messes up her sleep pattern for a few days.
She is living proof that one drinking session (maybe 3 to 5 units) can have immediate physical consequences. Mentally, I can tell she is a bit addicted.
She always has wine in the house and I see her waiting for a reason to drink it. I have explained addiction to her, but she doesn't listen.
I believe even normies are addicted, but at a lower level. Take away the booze for a few months and they will have anxiety.
I closed the book on drinking for me because of the mental and physical damage drinking does. Most folks are blinded by the addiction and explaining it to them is impossible.
I am concerned that one day she will accidentally over drink and try to drive somewhere. So called normies do this all time.
Nothing we can do to stop them if we are not there. Otherwise, I will protect her.
Booze is a time bomb.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
congrats on your 16months sober time. :-)
We all have to find our own boundaries so we can protect our sobriety and also protect ourselves emotionally. Even if I win a battle with my addictive voice, the tug-of-war with it can leave me feeling beat up.
I happen to have booze in my house because my wife continues to be a problem drinker. I don't have a lot of good options on that count, but I've made it clear I'm not drinking, I'm not her drinking partner, we can't "share a bottle of wine", etc. She doesn't ask me to drink. We don't go to bars or wineries or many of the places we might have gone in the past that were drinking centered. I don't buy her booze. We do go out to eat and she'll order a drink (usually two), but it's stopped being triggering for me. (I'm sober 13 months) I would prefer she got sober/well of course, and would prefer to not have booze in the house. I worry about her of course, but I take responsibility for myself.
It sounds like your partner wants to maybe have a drink or glass of wine while you are at dinner, or maybe have a drink in a social situation. From your description it doesn't sound like they want *you* to drink, but it is completely normal for the AV to think that. If they in fact do want you to drink, that is another matter and a sign of maybe your partners drinking not being so innocuous.
I avoided drinking situations early on in sobriety, but I, like you I presume, had the benefit of the entire world being shut down. Things are opening up again so more situations where people are drinking will present themselves to you. It took a while to not feel weird not drinking in situations where others were drinking and I was not. It takes a while to figure out what situations are comfortable and how to make an exit when needed. I didn't have to deal with my wife changing her drinking habits while in my presence. I imagine dealing with a partner that is "newly drinking" will take time and be a little awkward at first if you choose to deal with it.
Staying sober for me is key to everything else in my life, my health, my job, my marriage. I do what I need to do to stay sober and no less. I did a lot of stupid/risky things while drinking, and for the most part a lot of bad things didn't happen because I was lucky. I have a lot of "yets" unrealized. I'd like to keep it that way.
I guess, it will take some thought for you to determine what you are willing to accept and what situations you can manage without putting your sobriety at risk. (and have an exit plan/support plan for difficult situations) Whatever your boundaries are, it's a good conversation to have with your partner so surprise situations don't pop up. Maybe you are ok with them having a drink while eating out, but never want booze in your home. Maybe you aren't comfortable around them drinking at all. It's really up to you, but it sounds like they have been very respectful of your wishes so far so that is hopeful.
wishing you the best going forward, and congrats again on your sober time
We all have to find our own boundaries so we can protect our sobriety and also protect ourselves emotionally. Even if I win a battle with my addictive voice, the tug-of-war with it can leave me feeling beat up.
I happen to have booze in my house because my wife continues to be a problem drinker. I don't have a lot of good options on that count, but I've made it clear I'm not drinking, I'm not her drinking partner, we can't "share a bottle of wine", etc. She doesn't ask me to drink. We don't go to bars or wineries or many of the places we might have gone in the past that were drinking centered. I don't buy her booze. We do go out to eat and she'll order a drink (usually two), but it's stopped being triggering for me. (I'm sober 13 months) I would prefer she got sober/well of course, and would prefer to not have booze in the house. I worry about her of course, but I take responsibility for myself.
It sounds like your partner wants to maybe have a drink or glass of wine while you are at dinner, or maybe have a drink in a social situation. From your description it doesn't sound like they want *you* to drink, but it is completely normal for the AV to think that. If they in fact do want you to drink, that is another matter and a sign of maybe your partners drinking not being so innocuous.
I avoided drinking situations early on in sobriety, but I, like you I presume, had the benefit of the entire world being shut down. Things are opening up again so more situations where people are drinking will present themselves to you. It took a while to not feel weird not drinking in situations where others were drinking and I was not. It takes a while to figure out what situations are comfortable and how to make an exit when needed. I didn't have to deal with my wife changing her drinking habits while in my presence. I imagine dealing with a partner that is "newly drinking" will take time and be a little awkward at first if you choose to deal with it.
Staying sober for me is key to everything else in my life, my health, my job, my marriage. I do what I need to do to stay sober and no less. I did a lot of stupid/risky things while drinking, and for the most part a lot of bad things didn't happen because I was lucky. I have a lot of "yets" unrealized. I'd like to keep it that way.
I guess, it will take some thought for you to determine what you are willing to accept and what situations you can manage without putting your sobriety at risk. (and have an exit plan/support plan for difficult situations) Whatever your boundaries are, it's a good conversation to have with your partner so surprise situations don't pop up. Maybe you are ok with them having a drink while eating out, but never want booze in your home. Maybe you aren't comfortable around them drinking at all. It's really up to you, but it sounds like they have been very respectful of your wishes so far so that is hopeful.
wishing you the best going forward, and congrats again on your sober time
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
oh, and one more thing : you always have the right to change your mind. You are allowed to accept something, and decide later you can't deal with it. that goes for everything in left, not just drinking
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
I think it's good that you're processing all the "what ifs," but I agree with others who have said to just give it a try. As you pointed out, normal drinkers are simply not obsessed or even interested in how other people are drinking, or not. It's we alcoholics who have internalized shame and need other people to constantly validate our belief that drinking is the only way to have fun. You may discover, as I have, that the places and people that cause us to think "I need a drink for this" are probably not places or people we need to be around. In any case, this person sounds like a keeper for being so thoughtful and considerate of your feelings.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
You have some good questions.
I think it is very commendable that your S.O. has chosen to support you with your sobriety by being sober themselves. That is awesome. It is also good that your S.O. has started the discussion about wanting to drink alcohol again. This says a lot about how much they care for you and the relationship.
My spouse is a drinker. His alcohol consumption is not my business. If he starts to show behaviors that are negatively impacting me then we discuss those actions and move forward. The ultimate goal is for everyone to be happy. Truly.
I think it is very commendable that your S.O. has chosen to support you with your sobriety by being sober themselves. That is awesome. It is also good that your S.O. has started the discussion about wanting to drink alcohol again. This says a lot about how much they care for you and the relationship.
My spouse is a drinker. His alcohol consumption is not my business. If he starts to show behaviors that are negatively impacting me then we discuss those actions and move forward. The ultimate goal is for everyone to be happy. Truly.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
.
Boy, lotsa great Insight here thus far.
Having celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary [plus 4 Years prior] a few Weekends ago, I can weigh in from a long term POV.
After repeated, stressful Scenarios, my S.O. quit drinking here in the House a few Years after I sobered up. There wasn't any 'Upside' to her continuing, but it took her to accept that. She still smokes 'upper', energizing Pot daily. In moderation, actually, so that's kind of a non-issue to me. She doesn't zone out, or become a PITA Stoner outta some 'Cheech & Chong' Movie.
Ethanol proper means nothing to me anymore. 'Stick a Fork in my Azz, I'm done', as a Female Boss used to tell me. What I vehemently *don't* accept is me *having* to be around sotted Behavior while acting as if that's all 'normal'. BORING! PITA is what that is. And, has been around here. From each of us. For the Alcohol-consuming Rarity who can have only a Drink or two intermittently, I'd grudgingly live with it. However, I'd be subdued, and looking vacantly past my S.O. while waiting for that FN Meal to be over. I'd morph to be hanging out more around Sober Folks, however, and be around here less. Including hanging out with half the Population a.k.a. Women. That has happened, but isn't happening right now.
I'm over Self-Loathing. It would start-up again were I to grit my Teeth, and *have* to be around an occasionally-sotted S.O.. I have an inarguable 'Right' to shape my Existence, and that's one of several Boundaries I won't negotiate. S.O.s choose Drinking/Drugging over devoted Relationships every Day, and I could roll with that unfortunate outcome to this Marriage. Maybe that's simply what The Universe has in store for me this Incarnation. For me, once I accepted any set of Outcomes is possible as a result of me having Boundaries, I was free. No more Fear. That is, I wouldn't constantly be walking some awful Tightrope of being trapping in situations I simply don't want to be in anymore. If S.O. consumption is a stressing Trigger to me, I don't care if that's the case until I die. it's not something I owe The World to 'get over'. It's like having a fair Complexion, and being prone to Sunburn. If I'm Trigger-prone, I'm Trigger-prone. Nothing to 'correct', or apologize for. This Genetic Characteristic simply needs to be accommodated without judgment. My S.O. can choose to support me [she now does]. Or not. I return the proverbial Favor via my absolute neutrality re: her Pot consumption.
Re: being around 'excess' or problem-creating Drinking, my Motto is:
~ If It's Not Fun, Why Do It? ~
Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Bumper Sticker
Boy, lotsa great Insight here thus far.
Having celebrated our 40th Wedding Anniversary [plus 4 Years prior] a few Weekends ago, I can weigh in from a long term POV.
After repeated, stressful Scenarios, my S.O. quit drinking here in the House a few Years after I sobered up. There wasn't any 'Upside' to her continuing, but it took her to accept that. She still smokes 'upper', energizing Pot daily. In moderation, actually, so that's kind of a non-issue to me. She doesn't zone out, or become a PITA Stoner outta some 'Cheech & Chong' Movie.
Ethanol proper means nothing to me anymore. 'Stick a Fork in my Azz, I'm done', as a Female Boss used to tell me. What I vehemently *don't* accept is me *having* to be around sotted Behavior while acting as if that's all 'normal'. BORING! PITA is what that is. And, has been around here. From each of us. For the Alcohol-consuming Rarity who can have only a Drink or two intermittently, I'd grudgingly live with it. However, I'd be subdued, and looking vacantly past my S.O. while waiting for that FN Meal to be over. I'd morph to be hanging out more around Sober Folks, however, and be around here less. Including hanging out with half the Population a.k.a. Women. That has happened, but isn't happening right now.
I'm over Self-Loathing. It would start-up again were I to grit my Teeth, and *have* to be around an occasionally-sotted S.O.. I have an inarguable 'Right' to shape my Existence, and that's one of several Boundaries I won't negotiate. S.O.s choose Drinking/Drugging over devoted Relationships every Day, and I could roll with that unfortunate outcome to this Marriage. Maybe that's simply what The Universe has in store for me this Incarnation. For me, once I accepted any set of Outcomes is possible as a result of me having Boundaries, I was free. No more Fear. That is, I wouldn't constantly be walking some awful Tightrope of being trapping in situations I simply don't want to be in anymore. If S.O. consumption is a stressing Trigger to me, I don't care if that's the case until I die. it's not something I owe The World to 'get over'. It's like having a fair Complexion, and being prone to Sunburn. If I'm Trigger-prone, I'm Trigger-prone. Nothing to 'correct', or apologize for. This Genetic Characteristic simply needs to be accommodated without judgment. My S.O. can choose to support me [she now does]. Or not. I return the proverbial Favor via my absolute neutrality re: her Pot consumption.
Re: being around 'excess' or problem-creating Drinking, my Motto is:
~ If It's Not Fun, Why Do It? ~
Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Bumper Sticker
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