(First Post!) My Alcoholic ex-boyfriend dumped me
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Join Date: May 2021
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(First Post!) My Alcoholic ex-boyfriend dumped me
Hi everyone, I came here after having little success on reddit/quora and I guess am just looking for some kind people who understand addiction/alcohol and things in this category. Break ups are hard, but a break up with an alcoholic leaves you feeling so confused, angry, hurt, and worthless.
Im 23 and my ex boyfriend of 3 years is 25. Through out the relationship him drinking too much was a sabotage in our relationship. Embarrassing black outs while out with our friends, evening phone calls when you just know something isn't right by their voice, them not remembering important conversations, lacking motivation, going MIA so he can drink in peace etc etc. Besides his drinking we were a really happy couple, we definitely had that best friend feel in the relationship which I miss a lot. 4 days before him breaking up with me he sent me a long text saying how much he loves me and he knows I am the one, it was such a heart felt conversation its hard to believe we broke up a week later.
He then goes on a drinking binge and spends thousands of dollars on cocaine and says he has no money for valentines day for me (tried hiding this but I got it out/ we didnt hang out this week as I had final exams so he was a free bird). When I called him out on it he told me Im too good for him and we should break up. He said he's going to use this time to get himself together, get sober and just in general work on himself because he wants to get better for us. We then go no contact for three weeks where I expect he's working on himself as he said he would. I called him after 3 weeks to see where his heads at, and on the phone I think he was drunk but I am not 100% sure. He tells me he lost romantic feelings for me, that he wants to be with someone he doesn't have to change for and that he is happy single and says he doesn't remember what led to the break up because he was "partying" too much during that month and doesn't remember. He sounded like a cold monster. I accepted what he said knowing it was all b.s, but Im not one to fight or beg. We then don't talk for 2 months, he shows up at my door crying and saying he is only happy when with me, Im the love of his life and if I would consider getting back with him. We had a long heart to heart and he opened up about a lot of his issues with drinking and it was a really raw and honest convo. We left the convo agreeing to to work on us slowly. 2 days later he posts a picture on a date with another girl and when I text him asking whats up he blocks me on everything. Im really hurt, confused, and am struggling to understand his thought process. During our honest convo he said he isn't talking to anyone new, he told me he still has been drinking and blacking out. He came like a hot mess to my door, so I know its for the better this didnt work out but how delusional is it to come to my door proclaiming your love and then posting another girl on your social media all cuddled up. Do alcoholics always go hot and cold like this? Has anyone else been unexpectedly dumped when the relationship felt really loving and good?
Im 23 and my ex boyfriend of 3 years is 25. Through out the relationship him drinking too much was a sabotage in our relationship. Embarrassing black outs while out with our friends, evening phone calls when you just know something isn't right by their voice, them not remembering important conversations, lacking motivation, going MIA so he can drink in peace etc etc. Besides his drinking we were a really happy couple, we definitely had that best friend feel in the relationship which I miss a lot. 4 days before him breaking up with me he sent me a long text saying how much he loves me and he knows I am the one, it was such a heart felt conversation its hard to believe we broke up a week later.
He then goes on a drinking binge and spends thousands of dollars on cocaine and says he has no money for valentines day for me (tried hiding this but I got it out/ we didnt hang out this week as I had final exams so he was a free bird). When I called him out on it he told me Im too good for him and we should break up. He said he's going to use this time to get himself together, get sober and just in general work on himself because he wants to get better for us. We then go no contact for three weeks where I expect he's working on himself as he said he would. I called him after 3 weeks to see where his heads at, and on the phone I think he was drunk but I am not 100% sure. He tells me he lost romantic feelings for me, that he wants to be with someone he doesn't have to change for and that he is happy single and says he doesn't remember what led to the break up because he was "partying" too much during that month and doesn't remember. He sounded like a cold monster. I accepted what he said knowing it was all b.s, but Im not one to fight or beg. We then don't talk for 2 months, he shows up at my door crying and saying he is only happy when with me, Im the love of his life and if I would consider getting back with him. We had a long heart to heart and he opened up about a lot of his issues with drinking and it was a really raw and honest convo. We left the convo agreeing to to work on us slowly. 2 days later he posts a picture on a date with another girl and when I text him asking whats up he blocks me on everything. Im really hurt, confused, and am struggling to understand his thought process. During our honest convo he said he isn't talking to anyone new, he told me he still has been drinking and blacking out. He came like a hot mess to my door, so I know its for the better this didnt work out but how delusional is it to come to my door proclaiming your love and then posting another girl on your social media all cuddled up. Do alcoholics always go hot and cold like this? Has anyone else been unexpectedly dumped when the relationship felt really loving and good?
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Hi Intuitiveness. I am really sorry for what you have gone through. Addicts are unpredictable and focused on themselves, and their addiction, at the expense of others. You are probably better off now, not stuck in a llfe of chaos.
Here is a link to the Family and Friends of Alcoholics section, where there is a lot of info about this sort of thing and some very pertinent posts.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Here is a link to the Family and Friends of Alcoholics section, where there is a lot of info about this sort of thing and some very pertinent posts.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sorry for what brings you here.
Not with an alcoholic. But having read your post twice, the lines above: "the relationship felt really loving and good" and this one: "... we were a really happy couple" don't jive with what you tell us about his drinking and how he treated you.
I don't doubt he cared for you in some addict/alcoholic manner, but he's made his choice. Drink and drugs. Count your blessings that you are young, didn't marry. Take time to heal from the hurt of not understanding what happened ( and you probably never will understand) and find a relationship that is built on mutual love and respect.
Originally Posted by Intuitiveness12 
Has anyone else been unexpectedly dumped when the relationship felt really loving and good?
I don't doubt he cared for you in some addict/alcoholic manner, but he's made his choice. Drink and drugs. Count your blessings that you are young, didn't marry. Take time to heal from the hurt of not understanding what happened ( and you probably never will understand) and find a relationship that is built on mutual love and respect.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi, I'm sorry for your situation. I think your ex is telling you he's not ready for a relationship now. You said that your relationship felt loving and good, but what you describe in your post is quite different. I'm sure your ex cared for you, but he is lost in addiction right now. The best thing for you to do is to move on and focus on yourself.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 251
As mentioned, addicts (alcoholics, drugs, etc) are generally pretty self centered and when the drug of choice is involved, that goes into overdrive. The fact is, being an alcoholic/ addict is a full time job with no benefits. I’m not going to guess if your situation is him just wanting more “drunk time” or what. I can tell you when I was really deep into my active alcoholism, I didn’t have time for much of anything except drinking and work- relationships, soured, etc.
At 25, he may still have some growing up to do- alcoholism complicates everything and makes it difficult on significant others- lord knows my wife put up with a lot of selfishness on my part and all I really wanted was to be left alone to concentrate on my drinking.
At 25, he may still have some growing up to do- alcoholism complicates everything and makes it difficult on significant others- lord knows my wife put up with a lot of selfishness on my part and all I really wanted was to be left alone to concentrate on my drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I’m sorry you’ve not been treated well by this young man, but, he’s deep into alcohol and drug abuse, and as much as your hurting, you deserve much better. He let you know his priorities for Valentine’s Day. 😕. Your so young. You don’t need or deserve such thoughtless treatment. It’s especially confusing if you have no experience with addiction in your life or family. You might think you can love him enough to fix him, but it doesn’t work that way. Your heart will heal, and I hope you find someone who makes you feel truly loved.
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