Reach out To Me.?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 10
Reach out To Me.?
I’m eating chunky guacamole & thin pretzels. It tastes really good. I don’t think everyone likes guacamole. Maybe either pretzels. Please don’t ignore this post though cause it starts off with something you might not like.
I need help. Support. Cause right now, I’m reaching out to those who can share with me answers of their own journeys. Cause through those answers I can learn and feel better and more safe within my own self. I go through highs and lows abnormally too much. It can come within seconds of the previous seconds it already had been happening. It’s breath taking more than I can even take a breath of fresh air. And then some days, I’m exempt from these torturing emotions. I’m so used to the ups and downs that when my internal self is quiet I get anxiety. But not the anxiety I have when these ups and downs are happening. You see, no relief. Whatsoever. I overdosed, multiple times. Not OD DEAD. Like, over-dosed. But like what amount is even the correct dosage? You know.
I know for me, the drugs I took I took and abused. In so many cases I did this on purpose, because I wanted to see how far I could go. And I had no cares if my body stopped operating. My mind now is recovering from this..
recovering from the abyss I would enter to daily, and as I would adventure further into the depths of that underworld, I’m now, suffering with the memories and brain scars of what my mind came up with. The delusions. Reality not being reality but, like, so ******* gone.
living sober for 8 months. As I used for 4 months.
I know. Wow. 4 months. People use for years! Okay. I’m not here to compare anyone’s adventures. I am definitely here. Cause I really destroyed my mind and warped that son of a bitch. And I wish I could know that there is relief at some point. I know that, deep down I know as time goes by it will get better but - I’m definitely in a state of psychosis daily. And I don’t know what to do.
I need help. Support. Cause right now, I’m reaching out to those who can share with me answers of their own journeys. Cause through those answers I can learn and feel better and more safe within my own self. I go through highs and lows abnormally too much. It can come within seconds of the previous seconds it already had been happening. It’s breath taking more than I can even take a breath of fresh air. And then some days, I’m exempt from these torturing emotions. I’m so used to the ups and downs that when my internal self is quiet I get anxiety. But not the anxiety I have when these ups and downs are happening. You see, no relief. Whatsoever. I overdosed, multiple times. Not OD DEAD. Like, over-dosed. But like what amount is even the correct dosage? You know.
I know for me, the drugs I took I took and abused. In so many cases I did this on purpose, because I wanted to see how far I could go. And I had no cares if my body stopped operating. My mind now is recovering from this..
recovering from the abyss I would enter to daily, and as I would adventure further into the depths of that underworld, I’m now, suffering with the memories and brain scars of what my mind came up with. The delusions. Reality not being reality but, like, so ******* gone.
living sober for 8 months. As I used for 4 months.
I know. Wow. 4 months. People use for years! Okay. I’m not here to compare anyone’s adventures. I am definitely here. Cause I really destroyed my mind and warped that son of a bitch. And I wish I could know that there is relief at some point. I know that, deep down I know as time goes by it will get better but - I’m definitely in a state of psychosis daily. And I don’t know what to do.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to the family. Is there anyone you can talk to? Like a doctor or therapist? You sound like you're so unhappy.
If you want to stop using, there's a lot of support here. Please take advantage of our support. 
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Zee. I like preztels and guacamole too. Hummus is good with pretzels also.
Sounds like you have a lot going on, but you have stumbled across a community where there are many who have been through some of the same things. Stick around and don't be afraid to ask questions.
Sounds like you have a lot going on, but you have stumbled across a community where there are many who have been through some of the same things. Stick around and don't be afraid to ask questions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 10
I’ve been sober
I’ve been sober. That isn’t the issue. I’m not I happy. I’m struggling. I want to live. But I want to feel alive again.
&& hummus is 🔥 with everythinnnng.
I have a therapist but it isn’t working... cause she TALKS DOESNT LISTEN. & I pay her for what? To hear her tell me things that do not help me, she talks to me like I’m a 5 year old and I be patient with her but I put my foot down and told her to listen and stop talking. She respects me now a lot more I think. Not being hostile about the situation ever. No. Just desperate for someone to listen. Let me get the downs and ups out so I can breathe.
but I found this!! And I am gonna use it to connect.
&& hummus is 🔥 with everythinnnng.
I have a therapist but it isn’t working... cause she TALKS DOESNT LISTEN. & I pay her for what? To hear her tell me things that do not help me, she talks to me like I’m a 5 year old and I be patient with her but I put my foot down and told her to listen and stop talking. She respects me now a lot more I think. Not being hostile about the situation ever. No. Just desperate for someone to listen. Let me get the downs and ups out so I can breathe.
but I found this!! And I am gonna use it to connect.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi ZeeS. Definitely stick with the guac and pretzels. Love both of those. And it sounds like you need to explore what pleases you besides substances like drugs and alcohol.
I hope you stick around. This site offers great support. I humbly suggest you might want to get to a psychologist or therapist if you can. If your thoughts are somewhat disordered, there are really simple things that the docs can do to help you out with that. Many of us here have had similar problems with our over-active brains.
Hope you are well and safe.
I hope you stick around. This site offers great support. I humbly suggest you might want to get to a psychologist or therapist if you can. If your thoughts are somewhat disordered, there are really simple things that the docs can do to help you out with that. Many of us here have had similar problems with our over-active brains.
Hope you are well and safe.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Hi! Zee, Welcome! Congrats on 8 months sober. That's really awesome. I would guess that you did not do permanent damage, but your brain is going through some sort of reset. Avoid any further using, please. If you keep talking to us regularly, hopefully you can figure it out, rebalance your emotions, etc. Maybe another therapist would help too.
There is also a section on the main forum page for drug addiction where you might also find some people to talk to more specifically. But there are some users here also. Keep talking to us. You can also get some really friendly support in the May class, other people starting this month who can offer a lot of support.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-two.html
Really glad to have you here.
There is also a section on the main forum page for drug addiction where you might also find some people to talk to more specifically. But there are some users here also. Keep talking to us. You can also get some really friendly support in the May class, other people starting this month who can offer a lot of support.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-two.html
Really glad to have you here.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: Upper Chichester, Pennsylvania
Posts: 121
Highs and lows are a symptom of bipolar disorder which I have had all my life although I wasnt diagnosed until 10 years ago or so.
Feeling totally normal and then plunging in an instant into furious rage. But even this can be worked on and improved.
I have come to believe that there is nothing under the sun that can’t be worked on and improved and maybe eventually eliminated altogether.
Feeling totally normal and then plunging in an instant into furious rage. But even this can be worked on and improved.
I have come to believe that there is nothing under the sun that can’t be worked on and improved and maybe eventually eliminated altogether.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
What drugs were you abusing? I ask because I have abused several substances. Cocaine, MDMA, amphetamines. Alcohol is the only drug i was ever physically addicted to but i used enough drugs to know what you are going through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 10
Everyone thank you <3
Hey everyone. If you guys are still checking on this thread.. I want to say thank you so much for all the feedback. And questions. I feel welcomed and in a way, belonging to this.
I have asked for a new therapist, and that is currently happening now. I would have to say, a lot of these issues have happened by drug use. I can remember the days where it wasn’t like this at all.
I was using mdma. /:
a lot a lot. Every day.
I wasn’t doing any partying though, that’s for sure. It was used wrongfully. I lost weight and lost my mind. I think it’s definitely getting better every day and I don’t want to ever go back on any type of drug. At alll
I have asked for a new therapist, and that is currently happening now. I would have to say, a lot of these issues have happened by drug use. I can remember the days where it wasn’t like this at all.
I was using mdma. /:
a lot a lot. Every day.
I wasn’t doing any partying though, that’s for sure. It was used wrongfully. I lost weight and lost my mind. I think it’s definitely getting better every day and I don’t want to ever go back on any type of drug. At alll
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