MrsLamp

Very slowly crept back up on me. Changed my entire life to get sober and now back on self destruct despite things being so much better.thought i could control it now. Wrong. It never leaves, I need to find the strength all over again.

Anna

Alcoholics can never control their drinking, a fact we need to accept in order to recover. I'm sorry that you relapsed, but it's good to see you back. I hope you continue reading and posting here.

Robbie64

Welcome back MrsLamp. I learned a long time ago that I could never control my drinking. It always ends up controlling me. For me it's a choice between abstinence or getting very drunk. The latter isn't really a choice at all though, it's just how I end up each time I drink. Keep close to SR and keep reading and posting.

least

I found that in order to stay sober I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I hope you'll try again.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back MrsLamp. You mention that you changed your whole life to get sober, that is certainly a lot of work and necessary in my opinion. Did you undo those changes or let them lapse to allow yourself to somehow think drinking was an option? If you've done it already you know you can do it - see if you can find where things did go wrong. Usually it's not just one event but a series of them, and the decision to drink again is made long before the actual drinking takes place. Perhaps you can trace your steps back and see what you need to reinforce this time?

Surrendered19

That is a long stretch of sober time MrsLamp. Do not fret too much. It is indeed an epiphany to realize that we absolutely cannot moderate drinking. Can't, won't, don't want to. We aren't built that way. Can you have a sober weekend and start next week with a few days under your belt?

dustyfox

Hello Mrs Lamp - I am new here and only 7 days in - having in the past done long stretches, short stretches of sobriety and obviously failed - so I know how you must be feeing. Keep trying, I am sure you can do it - so much support here for you.

Dee74

Its a hard lesson to learn and a hard way to learn it but everything you learned and accomplished in you 97 days is still there
I see you changed your life - thats good but what was your sober support like?

D

Mizz

These things can happen. For some people sobriety is not linear. It wasn't for me. I've relapsed into active alcoholism many times. The only thing you can do now is move forward with resolve and determination. What is your plan? Tools? How did you change your life and what do you need to do to get back to it? We are empowering ourselves when we tackle our problems head on and find resolve.

I believe in you. You can most definitely do this.

ciowa

Its good you are back and ready to move forward again. I've not had a relapse and I remind myself of something every now and then when it comes to drinking. At the end of my drinking days I drank as hard as I could for as long as I could and had no interest in moderate drinking. I know I will pick up where I left off. I have no illusions about controlling anything and that reality keeps me from even attempting to have one beer or one shot or whatever.

Hevyn

You learned something valuable, MrsLamp. I had to learn it too. I guess I needed further proof that I really had no control once it was in my system. Willpower doesn't exist after that first drink goes down. Now you know. Once I was convinced I really couldn't touch a drop I was able to get free. That was 13 yrs. ago. You can do it.

b0glerd69

I had to go many cycles of sober (for months at a time)/bender until I finally submitted to reality that I can't drink normally and that I had to stop

Scd619x

I don't see that you have ruined anything, you have shown you can go three months without a drink which is cool. Just take care of yourself as best as possible until you want to try again. Don't buy into the BS like you only have x amount of recoveries in you, to drink is to die etc. Set a plan, with a little extra this time to keep you occupied, stick around here in the meantime until you are ready to go again.