18 days (again)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: home
Posts: 68
18 days (again)
Still having a hard time with my 24 year old who literally saved my life on April 17. He gave me chest compressions until the paramedics arrived. Since I have had 4 back surgeries... I have been relying on medication. I want to get rid of that too but first and foremost, I'm an alcoholic. I cannot seem to stop. I walked through soberrecovery walls in 2006 when I went to the hosptial because of drinking (I had gastric bypass and everything goes to my liver) and even 3 weeks ago I got out of the hospital and right away bought booze. It took some incredible vivid draems that woke me up on the 23rd of april which was my first real day of sobriety. AGAIN.
I have been going to a lot of zoom meetings. I love the speakers because I do not like to feel alone.
You guys have been there for me since 2006 .. and I made it a month back then and trickeled back to my old habits which was a 6 to 12 pack every day of my life since I caught my waSBAND cheating on me with my best friend of 30 years. I still am very much struggling. The meetings help a lot. If anyone wants any info for zoom meetings, please reach out. I really mean it "this time"... I have to stop. so 18 days and tomorrow will be 19
It has been really hard because all my excuses end up at the liquor store.
I have 2 children. One with special needs, and one who is a genius. He told me that he's the only able bodied person in the house... and he will never be able to do anything because he's "stuck here" taking care of us.
I hate that he said that but it's true. He's found me in a seizure, he's found me unresponsive, he's found me on the kitchen floor and babysat me till I could get up and go to bed. He has every reason for not believing me. It was a 20 year drinking career. I justified it by saying "it's only beer, most of it is water" but I shouldn't be drinking at all.
The last thing I remember on 4.17 was the look on his face as the ambulance took me away.
I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. I told him I am counting days for me, not for you.
Someday is not a day of the week.
I have been going to a lot of zoom meetings. I love the speakers because I do not like to feel alone.
You guys have been there for me since 2006 .. and I made it a month back then and trickeled back to my old habits which was a 6 to 12 pack every day of my life since I caught my waSBAND cheating on me with my best friend of 30 years. I still am very much struggling. The meetings help a lot. If anyone wants any info for zoom meetings, please reach out. I really mean it "this time"... I have to stop. so 18 days and tomorrow will be 19
It has been really hard because all my excuses end up at the liquor store.
I have 2 children. One with special needs, and one who is a genius. He told me that he's the only able bodied person in the house... and he will never be able to do anything because he's "stuck here" taking care of us.
I hate that he said that but it's true. He's found me in a seizure, he's found me unresponsive, he's found me on the kitchen floor and babysat me till I could get up and go to bed. He has every reason for not believing me. It was a 20 year drinking career. I justified it by saying "it's only beer, most of it is water" but I shouldn't be drinking at all.
The last thing I remember on 4.17 was the look on his face as the ambulance took me away.
I don't know if he'll ever forgive me. I told him I am counting days for me, not for you.
Someday is not a day of the week.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Really throw yourself into the community here. Join the Class of May thread and the Weekender thread (both are in this forum) post every day and multiple times if you need to.
Support really helps.
D
Support really helps.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Hi Someday,
When I got sober over a year ago, my relationship with my daughter was a mess. She hated me. But as the sober days go by, I'm regaining that trust bit by bit (she's 19). It is never to late reap the rewards of sobriety.
When I stopped, I had the attitude that I would rather live a life of sober misery than to hurt her one more time. They say we have to quit for ourselves, and I did, but that was not enough. I had to look at her needs. All those years of drinking every day was so I could escape reality. It was self-centered.
Instead of being passive I am now the mother I was meant to be. I'm somewhat of b*itch at times but finally, I'm solid and consistent. I have her respect. I feel good.
She watched me do the near-impossible. Now she knows my strength and that will make her stronger.
Show him what you can do. Lead by example. The good feelings may not come until you are well into sobriety but that is why addiction is so difficult. You can get past this.
Best wishes
When I got sober over a year ago, my relationship with my daughter was a mess. She hated me. But as the sober days go by, I'm regaining that trust bit by bit (she's 19). It is never to late reap the rewards of sobriety.
When I stopped, I had the attitude that I would rather live a life of sober misery than to hurt her one more time. They say we have to quit for ourselves, and I did, but that was not enough. I had to look at her needs. All those years of drinking every day was so I could escape reality. It was self-centered.
Instead of being passive I am now the mother I was meant to be. I'm somewhat of b*itch at times but finally, I'm solid and consistent. I have her respect. I feel good.
She watched me do the near-impossible. Now she knows my strength and that will make her stronger.
Show him what you can do. Lead by example. The good feelings may not come until you are well into sobriety but that is why addiction is so difficult. You can get past this.
Best wishes
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Someday, you're here and that's the main thing. Make a firm decision in your mind that you want to get better and to never drink again. You will always find support here, so keep posting.
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