AmicaNostra

G,day y'all.

I don't know where to start. Yesterday I had an alcohol related experience that will affect my job. I won't lose my job but I will go through some things and I'm prepared for that. I made the bed. I must lie in it now and don't blame anybody but myself. I have known for some time now that I needed to curb my drinking, probably the last 5 years or so. Things went from a cocktail or two before dinner to waking in the AM feeling like **** to day drinking on my days off. I have a great support network through my job and my labor union.

In college, years ago, I had a friend who was "in the program." He would often discuss his experiences with AA. I went to an open meeting with him once. I didn't go because I believed or he believed I had a problem. I went because I was curious and he invited me. It was a depressing eye-opener for me. Seeing people in the grips of something that I didn't know was sad for me. Some were also addicted to narcotics and were fighting that too.

Andrew (my friend) told me he began drinking at 14 or 15. He worked up to a liter a day of whiskey. Yet still he graduated HS and received a scholarship to a state university. As he told me at the time, he attended his classes, made good grades, but continued drinking. The last straw for him was when he was found passed out in an elevator at a hotel. It was years ago. I still remember him telling me the story as we had a discussion in my living room. It is like yesterday.

Years later I'm working with another guy who was "in the program." Great dude. Great at his job. He tells me a story of one of his last drinks. His car bottle was empty. He drives into the parking lot of a liquor store. It is raining cats and dogs and cans of spam. Walking from his car to the door, he is drenched, soaking wet. The clerk says, "man you must really need this." He replies, "yeah, I do."

I have never been in either of their shoes. Nevertheless, I know I need to stop.

biminiblue

Yeah, well if you don't quit eventually you will be in their shoes - or worse. That's how this thing works.

It's already causing you job problems, and I'd bet you have other related problems too. Maybe health, maybe relationships. Drinking affects stuff.

Welcome.

Is today going to be the day?

courage2

Hi AmicaNostra -- I like your username!

I'm so happy you've realized you have to stop. If you're committed to getting and staying sober, this is the place to get support, find information, and build a network of comrades-in-arms.

There are many approaches to maintaining sobriety once you quit drinking -- AA is one of them. I went to AA and don't believe I could have stayed sober (7 years) without it. SR helped me tremendously too, as did other things. Anyway, you'll learn lots of ideas about how to live sober on SR.

Right now is the "quit" itself. And that's just one thing, no matter the program, how it all begins: Don't drink.

Anna

Welcome, we often use the phrase here 'that hasn't happened to me...yet'. And, many of us have found that 'yet' comes sooner than we expect. I'm glad you know you need to stop drinking and that you are here seeking support.

DriGuy

We've all been there. There were always worse drunks around. Hell, even your buddy that passed out in the elevator had his life progressing nicely while he was drinking. He was still functioning, just like you.

But alcoholism progresses. It did for me, I drank until I was 50 and managed, granted at a lower than optimum capacity. Then either something like what happened to you serves that wake up call, or your get that second wake up call, or you enter a final downward spiral, or pass out in an elevator, and that scares you to the point of taking action. The end results of alcoholism are never pleasant. At best you beat it for a while, function with it for a while, until your world collapses.

Welcome. I hope you break the cycle of your addiction. We can help.

Gabe1980

Welcome Anica! It's a great time to quit

GerandTwine

Hi AN,

Your future regarding not drinking may hinge upon whether “stop” means forever or for a month, year, one, or more, or you just aren’t sure.

In ending a deeply habituated appetite that provides the profound assault of pleasure given by drinking lots of alcohol it makes a big difference whether you want to quit for good or one day at a time.

If you want to quit for good, it will take a very concerted effort at the beginning making a one time decision or pledge “I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.” Once you do that, there is a way to track your thoughts and feeling that might try to get you to ignore that once-in-a-lifetime decision. It’s by using a Technique called Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) and is described down in the permanent abstinence subforum here on SR.

If you want to stop without making a long term plan for the future on how long to stay stopped, then you already know one of those many programs.

GT

biminiblue

By definition a "program" to Stop would have to be a long-term plan. Stop means ...er...Stop. Forever, and ever, amen.

None of the other recovery programs suggest that a problem drinker will ever be anything but a problem drinker. Maybe some of the harm-management things are not focused on a complete-abstinence quit, but we don't talk about that here. This site is entirely about stopping completely.

sugarbear1

You ARE in their shoes now. It's just a matter of time. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, so you're just in the beginning of the process.....

You have the power to change this now. It will only get worse if left untreated.

Do you choose to live or to die a slow and progressively painful illness?

GerandTwine

I’m sorry I didn’t make it clear. The distinction I was making was whether AN wanted to actually make a plan (pledge) to never drink again without relying on outside ongoing support for that plan, or whether AN was considering not making such a plan but to begin seeking outside help to not drink indefinitely.

Dee74

Welcome AN

Like others have said, there was always a yet in my drinking...I hadn’t lost my job yet...Hadn’t called in sick through drinking yet.. I hadn’t embarrassed myself in public yet...my drinking hadn’t ruined relationships I cared about yet...I hadn’t injured myself or others when drunk yet...I hadn’t blacked out and lost my memory of last night yet....

but it was inevitable the way I used to drink.
It’s a progressive thing - and I got worse....and worse.

I ended up an all day everyday drinker and I was way further down the path that you are right now - but this community here at SR helped me turn it around.

I know we can help you too

D

Hevyn

It's so good to have you with us, AmicaNostra. When I found SR I was so relieved to know I was no longer alone.
You're so right to be taking action now. I tried to use willpower to control the amounts I drank. I knew I was in trouble long ago - but never did a thing to stop myself from destruction. A ruined life and all sorts of messes to clean up forced me to face the truth. I can't touch a drop of alcohol, ever.
I hope you'll find the encouragement you need. Please keep reading & posting. We care.

ZIP

Good call.
Alcoholism is certainly a progressive disease. Jobs, relationships, financial stability, health, all get chipped away as the boozing spins out of control. It will catch up with you... unless you choose sobriety.

least

I hadn't had any of those 'life changing' circumstances happen to me, but I was at my lowest point and knew it would only get worse. I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. SR helped me so much and I know we can help you too.

Mizz

Welcome!

anxiousrock

Welcome! Not wanting to ruin my job is one of the main reasons I am here!!!
it's the most stressful thing in the entire world, to drink and have it effect your job (at least to me).

Hope to see you around here ​