JustJohn

No - I did not choose to drink - I'm still sober on day 99 of my journey of permanent abstinence.

I just read a reply to a post from someone who came across as arrogant, condescending, and unhelpful. I think this person probably felt they were helping, but it really made me angry. Someone had shared their failure to remain sober, humbled themselves, and exposed their soft underbelly to everyone, and this individual proceeded to stomp on it.

I started a reply because it angered me and I wanted this individual to know it....then I deleted it after some self reflection. I considered reporting it, but it occurred to me that there was a learning experience in it, and no one likes a whiner.

After some self reflection, I wondered if I, in my desire to help, had ever come across to someone like that. Hence, my thread title. If so I'm truly sorry and I will strive to be kind, and never do that again.

I'm an Agnostic Atheist, and recovery groups like AA didn't work for me - HOWEVER - I do know that those programs do help others, and I do know that religious beliefs and faith also help many people cope and stay sober. What works for me may not work for others - like AVRT. I ultimately know if my sobriety is to be, it is completely up to me. But hammering someone else's struggle based upon them not doing what worked for me is arrogant, condescending, unhelpful, and may well drive that person who so desperately needs fellowship and kindness away and back to the bottle.

So to my SR friends here - if I've ever come across to you like that, I sincerely and humbly apologize.

Anna

JustJohn, thanks for your post, and I'm glad you're doing well.

You might find it helpful to put a member on Ignore if they upset you.

Aellyce

This is a useful post for me, JustJohn, because I have a tendency to sometimes be too direct and blunt as well. It can indeed come across as arrogant and even hypocritical at times. I personally never mind if others respond to me in that manner, but it's important to be aware of the fact we have different preferences and sensitivities. Thank you and I hope you are doing well with AVRT - also my preferred method now. All the best!

JustJohn

Thanks Anna - I'm aware of the ignore function - thought about it, and may still do that. I also felt that maybe, just maybe, that member might read this and realize there are better approaches. More than anything though, it made me look in the mirror, and that's my primary point and motivation.

anxiousrock

Glad you're doing well. Day 99 is fantastic. I apologize too...sometimes my angry side comes out when I'm struggling.
I guess the important thing is we don't drink today.

BeABetterMan

Could always just private message that person to let them know how you feel about their post. That way you can avoid having that resentment, because was you noticed when we act on our resentments rarely is the outcome what we really intended. I’m glad you didn’t drink. That post had me scratching my head. Way to make amends! Growth!

Dee74

I just logged in so I have no idea what post people are referring to, but it shows what a genuine and thoughtful guy you are that you can turn your reaction into a teachable moment, John

D

Dee74

I'd like to add that reporting posts, or sending a PM to me or Anna about a post you have issues with, is not whining, or telling tales.
We do our best but we can't be everywhere and sometimes things do escape our notice.

We very much appreciate the help and support you guys give us in sending heads up PMs or reporting posts.

D

Mizz

Ive been thinking about this post. A lot.

The ignore function is so helpful for all of us. If we cant be kind then lets just move on and ignore. The same goes for the person who is receiving such messages. Ignore. Its not hard to be kind and to be helpful. If it is hard then maybe we should take a break and regroup and think about why we are here?

I do remember there was a time when I was privately emailed due to some unhelpful words that I said. In that moment I felt that I was justified in saying what I said but the reminder was that I can get my point across with softer language. Being kind. Its true. I now have that particular situation on ignore. If I cant be positive and hold a light for someone who is in darkness then I need to go hold a light somewhere else.

Tis all!