I need to share
Erica375
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: MA
Posts: 493
I need to share
Hello, everyone. I just need to share this, to write it down somewhere. I'm ok, so there's no emergency. Just need to vent.
Today I had a random thought about my 6th grade teacher, Mr. G. I googled him and found out he died last year. I went into an emotional tailspin, not because I was sad that he'd died, but that he lived to be 91, six years older than my dad.
And then I read all the wonderful things people wrote about Mr. G and it made me furious. That man terrified me for an entire school year and I had nightmares about him for months after I was out of his class. He openly ridiculed other students, including a boy who was severely obese. I was terrified of doing something that would catch his attention and put the spotlight on me.
And let me explain, I was a squeaky clean Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, because I didn't know how to be anything but. Never a disciplinary problem. Straight A student. Graduated from HS and college with honors.
But this man, Mr. G, my 6th grade teacher, terrified me.
And I SOOOO wanted to leave a scathing, withering message about what I really thought of him on the memorial pages.
I was angry on so many levels. My dad, also a public school teacher, was a kind, gentle, patient man (not an alcoholic) who could explain physics concepts to you until you finally got it. (He explained physics to me an my sister; he could have explained it to anyone!)
Mr. G thought the answer to every problem was to take his class marching.
Left! Left! Left right left! He was, or wanted to be, a strict drill instructor.
I hated him. But I didn't leave a nasty "eulogy" on his memory page for his loved ones to see. Instead, I got on a Zoom AA meeting and was half-listening to a young wonan share. Suddenly she stopped. She told us someone had sent her a personal message telling her that she shared too much. She started to cry. She was going to end her share but everyone, including me, told her it was ok and encouraged her to continue.
And, yeah, I realized I was almost THAT person. I was almost THAT nasty someone who has to take her misery and shove it onto someone else. For, essentially, my own sick, twisted pleasure.
Whew. Dodged a bullet. And I will try, from now on, to remember: "The past is gone forever. No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman."
Well, rest in peace, Mr. G. You and my past no longer need to shadow my present or future. You certainly were not my favorite teacher, but obviously you positively influenced some of your students. Good for them. Good for you.
Amen.
Today I had a random thought about my 6th grade teacher, Mr. G. I googled him and found out he died last year. I went into an emotional tailspin, not because I was sad that he'd died, but that he lived to be 91, six years older than my dad.
And then I read all the wonderful things people wrote about Mr. G and it made me furious. That man terrified me for an entire school year and I had nightmares about him for months after I was out of his class. He openly ridiculed other students, including a boy who was severely obese. I was terrified of doing something that would catch his attention and put the spotlight on me.
And let me explain, I was a squeaky clean Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, because I didn't know how to be anything but. Never a disciplinary problem. Straight A student. Graduated from HS and college with honors.
But this man, Mr. G, my 6th grade teacher, terrified me.
And I SOOOO wanted to leave a scathing, withering message about what I really thought of him on the memorial pages.
I was angry on so many levels. My dad, also a public school teacher, was a kind, gentle, patient man (not an alcoholic) who could explain physics concepts to you until you finally got it. (He explained physics to me an my sister; he could have explained it to anyone!)
Mr. G thought the answer to every problem was to take his class marching.
Left! Left! Left right left! He was, or wanted to be, a strict drill instructor.
I hated him. But I didn't leave a nasty "eulogy" on his memory page for his loved ones to see. Instead, I got on a Zoom AA meeting and was half-listening to a young wonan share. Suddenly she stopped. She told us someone had sent her a personal message telling her that she shared too much. She started to cry. She was going to end her share but everyone, including me, told her it was ok and encouraged her to continue.
And, yeah, I realized I was almost THAT person. I was almost THAT nasty someone who has to take her misery and shove it onto someone else. For, essentially, my own sick, twisted pleasure.
Whew. Dodged a bullet. And I will try, from now on, to remember: "The past is gone forever. No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman."
Well, rest in peace, Mr. G. You and my past no longer need to shadow my present or future. You certainly were not my favorite teacher, but obviously you positively influenced some of your students. Good for them. Good for you.
Amen.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,578
That's the thing, Erica. If you had left a nasty message, it would have felt good, maybe wonderful, for about 5 seconds. And, then, the regret would start. Good for you for taking the high road.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Thanks for sharing Erica. I have to hold myself back sometimes too. Or I post things sometimes on forums that are a bit self-righteous then rethink it and have to edit. That's how I found the time limit for editing posts here is 15 min 
Sorry you had such a bad experience with that teacher. I remember my 6th grade science teacher was wonderful. They certainly make such a big impression on us at that age. Take care of yourself.
Sorry you had such a bad experience with that teacher. I remember my 6th grade science teacher was wonderful. They certainly make such a big impression on us at that age. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Thanks for sharing and for reminding me to watch my temper and my sometimes overpowering need to be right.
One of the things I learned in AA: our ego is the lens through which we experience the world around us. It takes "that happened" and turns it into "that happened to me." Everyone does it, but the fortunate few remember that it is there, and understand that not everything that we perceive through that lens is real. We are at our worst when we treat that ego-tainted info as gospel truth. Mr. G may have had an epiphany sometime after your 6th grade, or perhaps he was the same man to the last breath he drew. But he was human... may we all be so fortunate that our worst selves are not the ones remembered and replayed when our days are done.
One of the things I learned in AA: our ego is the lens through which we experience the world around us. It takes "that happened" and turns it into "that happened to me." Everyone does it, but the fortunate few remember that it is there, and understand that not everything that we perceive through that lens is real. We are at our worst when we treat that ego-tainted info as gospel truth. Mr. G may have had an epiphany sometime after your 6th grade, or perhaps he was the same man to the last breath he drew. But he was human... may we all be so fortunate that our worst selves are not the ones remembered and replayed when our days are done.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,182
Like you, I have sat in funerals and read obituaries that sometimes seem like utter nonsense. I avoid doing face palms and making moans of disgust, especially at funerals. But I sometimes do an inner chuckle, because I know that no one around me can read my mind. And I'm even more sure that's true of the dead.
The purpose of a funeral is all about the grief of the loved ones, not about the dead, and those closest to the dead probably never did a thing to hurt you. It can be entirely appropriate to present a facade at times, and without feeling a bit guilty either. We do this not only for ourselves, but for others who appreciate it as well.
Imagine a woman at a funeral reception with her fourth glass of whisky in hand suddenly blurting out in a drunken slur how happy she is that the son-of-a-bitch is dead and that he should have been tossed in a dumpster so the rats could feed on him. You don't have to be a genius to recognize how much harm she is doing to herself.
The purpose of a funeral is all about the grief of the loved ones, not about the dead, and those closest to the dead probably never did a thing to hurt you. It can be entirely appropriate to present a facade at times, and without feeling a bit guilty either. We do this not only for ourselves, but for others who appreciate it as well.
Imagine a woman at a funeral reception with her fourth glass of whisky in hand suddenly blurting out in a drunken slur how happy she is that the son-of-a-bitch is dead and that he should have been tossed in a dumpster so the rats could feed on him. You don't have to be a genius to recognize how much harm she is doing to herself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 277
Great post, Erica, and to everyone else - glad I’m not alone! A curse of the instant messaging era is that the instant message is sent based upon the instant reaction; in real life we often get chance to cool down and think better of it rather than angrily and self-righteously pounding away at our phones or keyboards. I, too, have been learning to be more patient and understanding of others points of view, and like someone else said, have had (and sometimes still do!) an almost pathological desire to be “right”. The good news is that I know I’m not always, or even most of the time, correct, and I understand that my ego needs taking down several notches.
Again, great post, I’m glad you did the (actual!) right thing and thanks for everyone sharing. Certainly helped me realise I’m not alone and we’re all working on ourselves 🙂
Again, great post, I’m glad you did the (actual!) right thing and thanks for everyone sharing. Certainly helped me realise I’m not alone and we’re all working on ourselves 🙂
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I said recently in a situation:
"Its none of my business what you think of me!" I also hold that in regards to what I think of others too. Its none of their business.
It keeps me from causing harm to myself and most importantly causing harm elsewhere. Keeping the waters calm on the outside and if there is a hurricane going on inside then it will settle down after awhile.
You did well, Erica. Good for you.
"Its none of my business what you think of me!" I also hold that in regards to what I think of others too. Its none of their business.
It keeps me from causing harm to myself and most importantly causing harm elsewhere. Keeping the waters calm on the outside and if there is a hurricane going on inside then it will settle down after awhile.
You did well, Erica. Good for you.
Erica375
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: MA
Posts: 493
Thank you to everyone who replied to my post. Today I am very glad I didn't post anything negative on that man's memorial wall.
From reading what others posted, it seems he always was the way he was, from years before he was my teacher until years after. But now I'm thinking... he may have been the strong male role model that unruly little boys needed.
He was NOT the role model that a timid, scared little girl needed. But you know what? I had Mr. G. as a teacher for one school year. Nine months. I had my dad, who was a much kinder, more compassionate person, for nearly 50 years. If others thought Mr. G. Was a great teacher, well, bully for them. I don't have to agree.
I'm going to put this to rest now. Thank you all for your support.
From reading what others posted, it seems he always was the way he was, from years before he was my teacher until years after. But now I'm thinking... he may have been the strong male role model that unruly little boys needed.
He was NOT the role model that a timid, scared little girl needed. But you know what? I had Mr. G. as a teacher for one school year. Nine months. I had my dad, who was a much kinder, more compassionate person, for nearly 50 years. If others thought Mr. G. Was a great teacher, well, bully for them. I don't have to agree.
I'm going to put this to rest now. Thank you all for your support.
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