TheAten

I can’t quite believe what I’m doing myself - as the title suggests, I’ve stopped smoking, then drinking and now vaping.

The first to go was smoking; for whatever reason, around the second week of November, I woke one morning after a night of heavy drinking and smoking and just didn’t buy another packet.

The second to go was drinking. This is the big one. If I had to endure smoking and vaping but could stop drinking, so be it. I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage since 27th December; I finished the last beer at around 10pm. By this point smoking was already done with. I celebrated my birthday on 1st January sober.

I said goodbye to vaping 14 days ago. I was kind to myself about vaping and told myself that I would deal with this later, as I was already doing so well with regards to smoking and drinking. I wanted to stop. I stopped vaping because it made my mouth dry and although I “enjoyed” it, I didn’t feel I needed it to lean on anymore. Thus concludes the expulsion of the unholy trinity.

I feel proud and I feel as though I’m accomplishing something big, even though I can’t put my finger on it. It’s not a job promotion
or an artistic achievement but it feels bigger than that on a fundamental level. I don’t feel like the same person anymore.

Is it also natural that I feel afraid? I’ve drank my whole adult life. I’m now 32. In many ways I feel very adolescent. Is it too late to become an adult? Will I be able to do it? Am I a loser? I am afraid and excited, nervous yet hopeful.

Ironically, the covid crisis may have saved my life.

least

It's never too late to grow up. As long as you're still breathing, you can grow and change.

Congrats on your success at getting healthier.

FiveTries

😀

Hodd

I’ve noticed a couple of posts recently where people find their success a surprise and that something is just around the corner to snatch it all away.

It’s happened, Aten. You’ve done it. Nothing’s going to stop you now.

TheAten

It’s not that I’m scared of the success, Hodd, it’s that I have no bleeping idea what the hell I’m doing! It’s like I’ve woken up in a new world and I’ve got to figure it all out. I’ll just keep moving forward, one step at a time, but always moving and always forward.

Steely

I know how you feel TheAten.

Stopped smoking 2 weeks ago. Drinking 14 months ago. Benzos 23 months ago.

It's a brand new world I'm learning to live in.

It's difficult, but so much better.

Dee74

I think it's natural to feel a little fear and self doubt - but once you get a bit of time and perspective and realise that you can in fact live this way for good, it's a great feeling

congrats on giving up all those things

D

Hodd

Yep, I was in that new world, Aten, but it’s better to have the options available, don’t you think?

Some saddo who sits in pub all day has no options. Boring.

You’re in for some pleasant surprises

TheAten

Yes Steely, we’re on the same time frame for erasing nicotine! Good job!

Thanks Dee. It feels good to accomplish something by the fact that I’m not doing certain things, haha!

I’ll chronicle my journey here, Hodd, and I’m looking forward to proving you right with pleasant surprises! By the time lockdown here ends (I know we’re both in UK) I’ll probably have around 90 days - I’ll be returning to the world sober! Gah! Exciting! Nerve-wrecking!