GreatInquiry7

Hey everyone -

Wanted to run this by you guys. I'm just over 11 months sober right now for reference, and also working on quitting nicotine.

I don't want to drink, but I get this feeling recently that reminds me of why I WOULD have drank in the past.

It's a "restless" feeling of "I have to do something, but I don't even know what". I have a feeling that this is linked to some thought pattern I have in me that I need to "do" something externally in order to be okay with myself, because most of the time I feel it I don't even know what I should be doing.

Just an uncomfortable restless feeling.

Wondering if anyone has felt like this in sobriety and how you have successfully dealt with it. I've heard acts of service from some.

Thanks all.

TheAten

I’ve had many bouts of sobriety in the past and felt this restless feeling in each and every time but this. The telling part in your post is where you say something along the lines of - you need to do something external to feel fine with yourself. Inner peace almost always come from within, not from without; what changed for me this time was that I started counselling before I got sober and carried on for a short time into it it. There were a lot of factors I couldn’t even identify without help that meant I always felt extremely uncomfortable “just being”, and identifying and working on that has been (and I’m not being hyperbolic here) transformative.

Ive heard many times the expression “dry drunk”, which I think basically means a person who doesn’t drink anymore but still holds much of the internal dialogue/thought processes that ultimately contributed to alcoholic drinking in the first place. If you’ve not tried counselling/therapy in the past, I’d highly recommend it, and if you have, I’d still recommend it; be prepared to allow yourself to be completely vulnerable and open up to a counsellor, and you’ll probably be surprised at what you discover is actually hiding not that far down in your psyche. I might be completely off base and perhaps you do simply need something to do, but the fact that you mentioned that you don’t feel comfortable just existing as you are was so close to my experience, it may be worth a real look. Also, congrats on 11 months, that is amazing 🙂

Ps - nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody on the planet knows what they “should” be doing; anyone who says they do is winging it, because there is no “should” and I think that’s the great challenge of being a sentient being, haha! We’re never given a reason as to “why”, and both the beauty and curse of this is we get to make it up as we go along! I’ve no idea what the hell I’m doing, but hey, I’d rather not know and be sober than add further confusion to the mix by being off my head all the time.

DriGuy

Yes, I think this might be a throwback to early recovery and before when we would stop drinking for three days in an effort to prove we were normal. Restless? I had a counselor tell me one time that many alcoholics described a craving as an edgy irritable feeling. Most of my alcoholic life I did not even think about cravings and couldn't even identify one when I was having it. I just poured a drink before I became restless, edgy, or irritable. When you actually try to give it up, that's when the cravings come, and for me there was a lot of "restless" in that.

At 11 months, I still had craving like thoughts haunt me from time to time, and that may be what is happening to you. You sound somewhat bothered, but like they are still well within your manageable zone. Cravings don't go away overnight. They diminish with time, and often show up unexpectedly and our attention is drawn to them. I think a good way to deal with them is distraction. Focus on an enjoyable task. Shoot baskets, saw down a dead tree and make firewood, go for a walk, teach your dog a new trick. Nothing is a perfect solution, but somethings help ease the problem.

Dee74

I think a lot of people get that restless feeling whether they are alcoholics or not. A lot of people find themselves bogged down in minutiae, the daily slog, as well as fear of change or even fear of success.

You may be familiar with Maslow who calls this the Jonah Complex.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/b...-jonah-complex

Its often easier to work out what this restlessness is not.

Only you can know if it a genuine yearning, a symptom of anxiety or some other medical condition, or just something there because people/media/society tells you you should be this that or the other.

I didn't know what I was looking for. I didn't even know when I found it - but it turned out SR was the place to give me meaning and purpose again.

I'm not saying it's that same solution for you, but be open to possibilities and opportunities and you might just find what you're looking for?

Its not unlike Joseph Campbell's advice to 'follow your bliss' - not the bs chemical bliss of addiction but the bliss of real fulfillment.
https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/0...power-of-myth/

I hope some of the ideas I've pointed to here help anyway

D

warrens

I found that physical exercise, coupled with meditation, addressed that "restlessness." After an unsuccessful first attempt at sobriety (cost me 4 years), it one day occurred to me that my recovery was a three-legged stool of physical, emotional, and spiritual fitness. No, I'm not talking about a new addiction of pumping iron. For me it is swimming, hiking, mountain biking, etc. I combine it with a spiritual practice of meditation and study. For my emotional fitness, I surround myself with people who enjoy being who they are and are skilled at it. It rubs off.

I approached recovery as an intellectual exercise the first time. Thought I could think my way through it. Didn't work... Some years later my sponsor said, "We can't think our way to a new way of living, we must live our way to a new way of thinking." Duh...

That restlessness may be telling you something.

Joy,

Warren

Anna

I agree with what Warren said.

And, I did have some restless feelings in early recovery because I was not used to dealing with my feelings. Sitting with your feelings and knowing that you can get through it is liberating. Feeling the feelings and letting them go, knowing the feelings are not 'you'. They are just feelings.

brighterday1234

In the book Alcoholics Anonymous it talked about being “restless, irritable, and discontented” without alcohol, if ones an alcoholic. Recovery solves this has been my experience 🙏

Meraviglioso

I also feel very restless and am considering a weighted vest to help. Exercise is crucial for me but I can’t exercise enough due to other obligations. These weighted vests are supposed to help.

advbike

Many addicts have an emotional void and are constantly trying to fill it with all the wrong things - buying stuff, booze, drugs, sex, serial relationships, etc. Often it is the result of childhood abandonment, betrayal or simply absence by the primary caregiver. So we are always seeking to fill that void. I read a great book a few years ago called "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Mate, which explains the concept.

Kaily

Yes it is like an itch that can't be scratched.

zerothehero

I call that restless feeling motivation. The problem is not wanting to do something, but rather, not knowing what to do. For me the key was to channel that energy, develop new hobbies and new habits, and then ride those waves into productivity, creativity, fun, a sense of accomplishment, competence, and confidence.

anxiousrock

I am always restless if I am not doing something.
I havent watched a movie in...probably years? It just took me 5 days to watch 1 episode of 600lb life.
however, if I'm drinking i feel okay with sitting around, which is probably why I did it?

My sponsor says i need to meditate, by sitting quietly, or going out in nature and just listening, rather than speaking, or thinking all the time. So that is what I am going to try when I'm restless.
I also like to attend meetings, walk, run, workout, cook, etc. When I just can't relax.

least

When I feel restless, I pet my dog and/or cats. That always calms me down and fills me with great joy. If the weather and time of day are right, I often will walk my dog if I feel restless or upset. The walk gets me out of my own head and gives me fresh air, sunshine, and exercise, all of which help lighten my mood.

CuteNGayYay

Yes for sure nowadays. Usually at the two month mark.

CuteNGayYay

yes this is what I do that helps in the beginning and probably gets me to the usual two months. Walking and my cat.

ciowa

Something we talked about in my IOP was how anxiety often can start off a craving, even if we are not aware we're experiencing anxiety. In my case, I used to pace around a lot and the older I got, the harder it was for me to have conversations with people because I was so pre-occupied with my own thoughts and my mind would be jumping from topic to topic. When I would drink, the depressant that alcohol is, I'd become slower in thinking and movement and then it'd feel like I could have a conversation with anyone and do any kind of mindless activity without feeling unsettled. So, in recovery, I learned to recognize this and focused on different types of mindfulness, physical routines and focusing in on something and like jogging when Id feel my mind start to race. Id just clear my mind and focus on the moment and soon the feeling would pass. I hardly ever feel agitated these days and if I do, its very short.

lifewithart

Yes I totally understand. I have to keep myself very busy and have a mission and purpose in my life in order to not feel that so strongly. Otherwise I am directed right back to the bottle.

MythOfSisyphus

I feel like the pandemic has kind of exacerbated this restless feeling, and I feel it, too, to a degree. Of course it's winter and I don't ski, snowmobile, etc so there's that...but I also can't go out for dinner, go see a movie, go visit my friends, etc. So cut yourself some slack. Maybe find a good book, find a series on Netflix to watch (I've been into the old classic Twilight Zone series lately!), find some way to occupy those hours.

AwkwardKitty

​​​​​It's just a trigger. Every time you drank before your brain created a 'memory' and so now whenever you're in that situation again, your brain sends a signal to remind you we drink in this situation.
we tend to be really scared of urges or cravings. But the actual craving itself is fairly mild and quick, it's the mental torture of denying ourselves that makes it worse.
why are you afraid of your brain reminding you that you used to drink? Are you worried that thinking about alcohol means you want to drink? The more you try not to think about it the harder it will be.
If I have an urge or a trigger situation, I first of all do 555 breathing, I repeat to myself it's a trigger, I don't drink anymore, I'm a non drinker. It took a lot for me to get here though!
I'm not afraid of cravings or thinking about drinking or being around alcohol. My brain is flattening all those old memories as we speak and in no time I'll have new ones, that don't involve drinking.
Don't replace drinking with something else, I find that dangerous. If the time ever comes you can't have or do that replacement, your subconscious will find the loophole and lead you back to drinking pretty quickly!

PalmerSage

I can completely relate to this feeling. One of the things that helped me the most was a kind of journaling, where I opened a Word doc and just kept typing until I felt like I uncovered the source of my restlessness (then I deleted the whole thing - one of the things that kept me from journaling was the fear that someone would find it and read it).