anxiousrock

So, in AA, there are obviously still a lot of people that relapse, generally not following the program, but still come to meetings.
I have heard a couple of times "oh you didn't have a relapse, you had a slip".
Wtf is the difference? Are slips okay? Like if I slip once every few months, I just get away with it? Lol
can someone explain this to me??

Dee74

Hi Sam

People have different words for the same thing, whether in Aa or not.

I guess a ‘slip’ can be easier to think about for some of us, a momentary stumble...whereas ‘relapse’ can mean ‘oh well I totally screwed up, why bother trying anymore - let’s really drink now...’

so, I get it....but I don’t subscribe to the slip idea personally. I’ve relapsed enough times to finally get it in my head another drink may just kill me.

D

nez

To me there is no difference. Drinking is drinking, period. Not what I want for me. Whether I only drank for one day or 100, it doesn't matter because either way I am in a free fall at maximum velocity towards hell and my death. Neither fall has a soft landing.

RAL

I go to smart meetings and they say lapse and relapse. They explained lapse is a one off whereas relapse is an extended period of drinking. To me though, I agree with you. it's all the same. A drink is a drink and a break in period of sobriety.

Mizz

I can only speak for myself:

I would be in a full blown relapse if I had any alcohol. It may not be immediate but it would awaken the "wine obsessed crazy person" that lives in my head. Eventually "the wine obsessed crazy person" would take charge and I would be a miserable miserable Mizzuno.

So, I cant really subscribe to "slip."

Tanky

While I agree with general sentiment here. As someone who was still within first 90 days and picked up - but went straight back to AA next day and spoke about what happened. (And was thanked for talking about relapse because it doesn’t get talked about.) It is very hard to attend a variety of daily meetings after that and give your newcomer “day count” when clock has been reset. (I generally just don’t say) It doesn’t make sense to people for me to say I am a newcomer with 5 or 10 days sober, but experiencing zero significant withdrawal, for eg. So I probably don’t talk about it as “relapse”, but something that does happen to many in early days of trying to do AA. Sometimes I say I am “returning with x days” or whatever - but that feels like it doesn’t fit either.

Tanky

I guess my point is - don’t be too hard on people for this stuff. It would have been so much easier for me not to come back at all and keep drinking

least

To me a 'slip' is just a softer word for 'relapse'. Both mean you drank.

Tanky

Because I am starting to hear from the tone here that it would have been better if I just went on drinking for a year. Mentally obsessed part saying at least I would have got a lot more drinks in by the time I had to come back and face up to people who think my struggle to get sober is shameful and pathetic , and that one time falling into a bottle is the same as a year.

Obladi

Around here, old-timers say it was a slip because Sobriety (was) Lowered In Priority.

My interpretation is that a "slip" is a very short lapse, whereas a relapse is a full-on return to insanity. Thing is, if an alcoholic returns to drinking, there is no guarantee what the outcome will be. So I think maybe people use "slip" as a way to comfort someone who came back right away.

As a person who never drinks now, this distinction doesn't make one bit of a difference. Honesty, I don't think it ever did. I don't think I ever pretended to have "slipped;" that wasn't a thing for me.

If you're back after a night or after a year's or a decade's worth of nights, I'm just glad you're back.

O

nez

I am only hard on myself, I could never look down on anyone for doing what I have already done plenty of times. In recovery I learned about humility and it became easier not to be so hard on myself because when I am being hard on myself, I am falling victim to a lack of humility and full steam ahead out of control pride. "I should be better than this. I should be perfect!"... Who the hell do I think I am anyway? I am merely another member of the flawed human race.

For this alcoholic there is no such thing as a slip. I either drank or I didn't. I can be a little bit Democrat. I can be a little bit Republican. I can't be a little bit drinking. I am either in recovery, or I am not.

Steely

I think if I were to "lapse", it wouldn't be too long before I were to "relapse." I've done this many times.

For me, it just sets up the whole ball game again, again, and again. I've learned this now.

Lapse, relapse, happens, but really don't want to put myself through that again. Much simpler, easier, to accept sobriety and begin to experience the rewards, of which there are many. Had to face myself. It's good. Not easy.

My daughter is very unwell at the moment, psychotic. She has schizophrenia. Case conferencing with her doctors, mental health workers next week. If I were drinking this would not be possible, I'd screw it up entirely, and both myself and my daughter would suffer. Unnecessarily.

Sobriety has allowed me to be an adult and parent amongst the professionals. Sobriety is allowing me to grow up, and I am ever grateful.

Go sober, I reckon.

anxiousrock

To me they are the same thing. Drinking.

Not trying to be harsh, but i just think that if you drink you drink, your sobriety calendar starts over.

I know others will not agree. It has nothing to do with AA, that is just where i heard it.

Obladi

Oh, gosh! Struggling to get sober is hard work! Anyone who makes you feel "sad and pathetic" just does not get that!

You really do day counts in newcomer AA meetings??? That's not cool. That completely contradicts the principle of anonymity - the one that means the only person more sober than I am is the one who woke up earlier today. All we have is a daily reprieve, according to the book.

No, of course you shouldn't go out and drink some more, regardless of how ashamed you are. That is exactly what your addiction wants; don't believe the lies.

RAL

I'm just hard on myself Tanky I would never criticise anyone for drinking -whether for 1 day or 1 year. I've done it myself over and over again so many times. I just tell myself that if I have one drink it wouldn't be one day for me it would be months of drinking. you did a fantastic job coming back here after one day

Mizz

Same. Only speaking for myself though. I know the road.

I wish you all the best with the meetings coming up. It sounds like your daughter has a "team" and you all will help her the best ways possible. You are doing amazing work!

Tanky

yeah I know it is. I apologise for my reactivity . Just my crazy brain. I will stop reading the thread. 🤦‍♀️

Dee74

I don't think anyone's saying that Tanky, but I understand how you could read it that way and thats why I was more than careful to frame my answer in terms of myself.

This is a newcomers forum and most people have very recent painful memories of relapse, which can make threads like these a bit of a mine field.

If thinking about a relapse as a slip, a stumble a momentary glitch gets you or other people back to help and recovery ASAP then by all means do that.

This is your recovery.

When I was drinking tho? I was able to extrapolate that rationalisation into more drinking...'this is just a slip...it will still be a slip I drink today so wtf I'll give up tomorrow'...

sometimes I did most times I didn't.

One of the things I'd like people to take away from all my posts here is that, slip or relapse, you can stop, put the booze down and start over any time you like.

And I'm not into shaming people. I struggled for nearly 20 years to stop.
I probably have had as many relapses as I have posts here.

I sometimes may get frustrated with myself when nothing I can say helps, I definitely want to help people get out of the relapse situation, but I'm not 'judging' anyone for relapsing.

D

DriGuy

It's been along time since I've been to an AA meeting, but I don't remember there being a slip/relapse differentiation. It may be a regional thing or a group thing. I don't remember people being treated differently if they were off the wagon for one night or a month. Everyone was always welcomed back, and I didn't pick up any judgements from others in either case. But groups vary, and each group can have it's own personality or feel. What I've found among alcoholics in recovery, whether in AA, SR, or just guys that quit on their own, is that they have a level of understanding about alcoholism and an acceptance of the struggle others go through in recovery that far exceeds the those who are not alcoholics (the general public).

Steely

No, Tanky. Lapse, relapse, happens and better to pull up earlier rather than later. I think it's great you brought it up at the meeting. And here. People do want to tak about it, but get shamed or something. Good on you for broaching a subject of great importance. I don't like the holier than thou bs.

On a similar note can remember being in group meeting, rehab. many years back. I was fully aware that many people with substance abuse problems had suffered sexual assault, but it never seemed to get mentioned.

Decided to throw my hat hat into the ring and introduced this "very important topic." Man, people came out of the woodwork at a great rate to tell their tale. Even the blokes.

I was proud of my contribution to the group, and you should be too Tanky.

I don't go to AA anymore but when I did can remember people saying, "sober today", not necessarily giving a day count. Always seemed better to me because I have seen people ostracised for relapsing. This was a number of years back, maybe things have changed. I hope so.